STUPIDLY being taken advantage of — being a man clown — is a burden many of us have had to bear, because, indeed, love can make a buffoon out of even the smartest person. And it's par for the course that we expect certain antics from a certain type of male scoundrel, and when we get fooled by these types we will grudgingly accept the 'I told you so's' because some men are just missing the 'bow wow' to fall into character.
Being a man clown for a known cad is one thing, but what about women who were clowns for men who should know better — the ones who present themselves as true paragons of virtue, but are more like Lucifer's spawn? What about those women who were played by men in the church, the place of ultimate fidelity? Below sisters tell about being clowned by church brothers and the absolute treachery.
Growing up in the church you are taught to wait on your Boaz. Anyway I waited and thought I had waited enough and entered into a relationship with a man who was separated but still married. There were talks of divorce and I was so in love that I believed it and even agreed to court him. We went out, the relationship got public, we even had investments together, and I had credit in my name for him. Well, he and his wife reconciled.
My church boyfriend and I were steady for about six months and in that time I was already planning the wedding, honeymoon spot and the whole nine yards. If we went out I paid, if I wanted to see him I gave him gas money, I serviced the car, I bought the meals. I was basically his sponsor for the entire time and was still planning the wedding without an engagement ring. Eventually I just let it go and left the situation.
My experience of being clowned by a church brother still baffles me. I was about 19/20 at the time. I went to a church camp and met a guy there and during the two weeks we became close, hung out a lot, waited on each other to head to discipleship classes, sat together at the dinner table, and so forth. We went to banquet together and he asked me if I would like to date him then see where it went from there. I was on cloud nine because I am educated and single and here was this older gentleman who was interested and full of confidence. So at the end of camp we were saying goodbyes and signing each other's camp books and I went to my favourite pastor for him to sign mine and he saw a love note from the guy and his demeanour changed. So he told me to meet him at the office and I went and asked what was up. That's where the cookie crumbled and he told me the guy was married with kids and he couldn't understand why he would lead me on like that. Nevetheless I was not convinced and went ahead on the dates because my pastor must have had my prince charming mixed up with someone else. The end result is I went to Montego Bay by bus to look for him and was introduced to the wife and kids as his cousin. I was so ashamed and felt really stupid for want of a better word.
I am not a Christian but I dated a Christian guy for many years and we had a sexual relationship. I know people knew because I would stay at his house and his Christian parents allowed it. Anyway I was invited by him to a surprise engagement party and I said of course I would come! It turns out he had proposed to someone else who he was courting and honouring by not having premarital sex with her. Surprise! I was just the joy ride.
He asked me to stand guarantor for a loan he needed to care for his sick mom. Turns out mommy was healthy and he dipped and disappeared. I had to pay back the money to the loans agency.
I had a major crush on one of my pastor's kids and he invited me to the house a couple of times when his parents were there. One day they weren't there and I went over and then when I wouldn't give up the goods he stood in front of me and called another girl who was willing. He then told me to leave. Unintentionally one of my hair ties was left at the house and he posted it on social media and said 'tell these desperate girls don't leave evidence around'.
I had been dating this guy from church who went away to study and in my mind when he came back the relationship would have picked up as we had discussed marriage and a lot of things. Nope. He came back and at a church convention he broke it off with me in front of a number of people. This was after I had gone the extra mile and helped him secure a car loan and also visited the NHT to get our own home and all. Imagine calling back agents and saying I was no longer interested when he was still telling them, yes, go through. He wanted to secure those things then kick me to the curb and leave me in serious hot water.