A workplace crush

A workplace crush


Monday, November 11, 2019

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Dear Counsellor,
I have a crush on this guy at work but I don't know if he likes me. He is always talking to my friend but never mentions anything about me. She thinks he doesn't want his true feelings known. Also, he avoids talking to me when my friend and I are in his presence. I want to tell him how I feel about him but I also don't want my feelings hurt. What should I do?

It is always a tricky situation when you have a crush on someone and you are not sure if the feeling is mutual. So you spend much of your waking and sleeping hours thinking about this person, hoping and praying that they will read your non-verbal cues and body language. The challenge is converting the non-verbal to verbal communication and not being humiliated in the process.

There are some things in life that involve taking risks and being vulnerable. This is one such case. Hoping that he will read your mind and not hear your expressed thoughts is likened unto a jobseeker showing interest in a job opportunity but making no effort to apply for the job. For anything to happen the person must make their intention known by putting in their bid. The result may be positive or negative but as the saying goes, if you don't have a ticket you don't stand a chance.

There have been many occasions where someone loses out on an opportunity to connect with someone else because they failed to communicate their interest.

Since you and this guy have a mutual friend, you may want to make use of this link. Why not ask your friend to communicate your sentiments to the guy? Be prepared though, for feedback that might not be encouraging. He may or may not entertain the thought and so you should not take it personally if he rebuffs your indication of interest. Let it be said that you tried and failed in your efforts than never tried at all.

While you are in the “crush” zone, try not to come over as being too pushy and up in his face. This would be a turn-off as he will sense a tinge of desperation and will not acknowledge your interest. If your friend is unwilling to be the go-between, then you must make your move without external assistance.

Be deliberate but tasteful in your approach — say “Hi” to him with a smile as you pass each other in the office, share space with him at the dining table in the lunchroom, volunteer to assist him in executing a work project, etc. In other words, subtlety is the way to go.

Another thing to bear in mind is that Mr Man may be in a committed relationship and does not want to associate with another woman for fear of being distracted. So, even though he may also be attracted to you he may choose to ignore the temptation to yield.

Your girlfriend maybe right that he may not want to disclose his honest feelings as he may have been hurt in the past. It would make sense that you do your background checks on the guy as well. Talk to some of his friends, co-workers, and check his online social media profile/presence. There you could learn about his marital status and his interests.

Make sure your motive is not to snatch him from his present partner but to establish a wholesome friendship. If you have ulterior motives, then crushing the crush maybe advisable.

Take care.

Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to agapemft@gmail.com. Check his Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/MFTCounselor/.

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