An insecure wife

All Woman

DEAR COUNSELLOR,

I am 40 years old and my husband is 45. He is a very handsome and successful professional. He meets and consults with bright and attractive professional women every day in his line of work. He frequently has business lunches and/or dinners with clients and colleagues. He will receive phone calls at home from women, which he said are all business-related.

As much as I trust my husband and have no reason to doubt the sincerity of his interaction with these women, a part of me is highly suspicious. I tend to overreact when he goes to work in the mornings. I pick an argument with him suggesting that he is all dressed up to meet with his women.

We have two young children and I am a stay-at-home mom. I do feel quite entrapped sometimes, but I don't want a day job as I don't handle stress very well. My husband suggested that I go back to school, but I don't want to as I don't see myself in a classroom at this stage of my life.

I feel disconnected from my husband as he appears unhappy in my presence. He complains that I am too comfortable and need to get out of the house and do something productive with my life. I believe my marriage is taking a nosedive.

What would you suggest I do?

As much as your husband wants to maintain a good rapport with his clients, he should establish boundaries with both his male and female clients regarding after office hours phone calls. He should monitor and manage calls when he is at home and not allow an open access, anytime, anywhere, free-for-all situation. If he fails to draw the boundary lines some people will take advantage of this weak point which could negatively impact his marital relationship.

Trust and honesty are twin towers of a strong relationship and if your husband is honest with you and you don't trust him then you will always be in a state of flux. Has he given you any reason to not trust him? Has he ever been unfaithful in the relationship? If in fact your husband's interaction with his female clients are legitimate and above board and you continue to make unkind comments about the legitimacy of his claim, then be careful that out of annoyance your partner may go ahead and actualise your narrative.

While you must be commended for the decision to stay home and look after your children, you should not use this as an excuse to not engage in a personal development plan for your life.

Could it be that your stay-at-home status gave you too much time to be speculating about your husband's modus operandi? Had you been occupied with something constructive like doing schoolwork or carrying out a work assignment you would have less mental space to entertain your wandering thoughts.

Take your husband's advice and step out of your comfort zone. There are several online schools that you could explore if you don't want to leave home. There are also scores of online business opportunities out there as well.

So do yourself, your husband, your family and your marriage a great benefit by establishing and implementing a personal development plan. This would be a pivotal point in your life that you will never regret. In the mix spend some quality time with your husband and support his endeavours as well.

Take care.

Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to agapemft@gmail.com. Check his Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/MFTCounselor/.

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