Boyfriend's babymother is pregnant again

Wayne POWELL

Monday, December 10, 2018

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Dear Counsellor,

I have a boyfriend who lives in the same house with his baby's mother for economic reasons. In the course of our relationship he got her pregnant again, yet he said there is no relationship. What can I do in this situation? Please help me.

Talk about having your cake and eating it too! So Mr Man convinces you that he must maintain the current living arrangement due to financial challenges and that there is absolutely no intimacy between himself and the mother of his child. Yet the woman is now pregnant. There is something definitely wrong with this picture.

I am sure that the gentleman will try and convince you that impregnating the woman he lives with who happens to be the mother of his child was not on his things-to-do list, and what happened was a grave mistake. Whereas there may be some truth to this explanation, he sure can't absolve himself of any responsibility for finding himself in such an awkward position.

You must read the situation for what it is, not for what it should be. If Mr Man claimed that he was, under certain circumstances, living at the same premises as the mother of his child, then he should have established boundaries including sexual connections with the lady. Surely temptations to indulge will present themselves, but out of respect for you he would avoid yielding to such enticements.

Could it be that no such boundary was established and they were still sexually active but on one occasion a mishap took place in the contraceptive process? That could well be the case. Please don't buy the argument that it was the babymother who forced the issue, as surely he would have been an active participant in the whole scenario.

Going forward you need to decide as to your true position on the totem pole. Are you number one or number two? If you are at the top, then he has to make some fundamental changes in his present arrangement with the mother of his children. It would definitely have to be a co-parenting arrangement that involves no sexual contact.

If you are in fact the “other woman” then you have to decide if you will be comfortable to share him with the mother of his children. By the way, the babymother could well have an ulterior motive which is to redirect his attention to herself. The things that some women do to “hold” a man which include having a child for him cannot be ignored.

So think carefully about the situation and do what is in your best interest. You certainly don't want any babymother drama in your life.

Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to agapemft@gmail.com or powellw@seekingshalom.org . Check out his work on www.seekingshalom.org and his Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/MFTCounselor/.


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