Chiselled to (im)perfection

Chiselled to (im)perfection


Monday, May 25, 2020

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MANY of us were fooled by the plastic candy canes on Christmas trees when we were little girls, and the luscious-looking fake fruits on the kitchen counter. As we grew older, decorative ornaments around the home taught us the harsh but crucial lesson that not everything that is good to look at is good to have.

The same lesson should be applied to men. The chiselled chests and firm abs of workout enthusiasts are undeniable eye candy, but many of them have left a bitter taste in women's mouths.

Let these women who have dated hulks tell you all about it.

Crystal, 24, bartender:

When I met him he was actually chubby, and he was so sweet. Then he got a new job that had a gym and I encouraged him to go, seeing that I was also trying to lose some weight. He took my foolish advice and did, and a few months later his flab turned to abs. The downside was that he became a classic a-hole. The new body had girls falling all over him, and he started flirting in front of me. Suddenly he wanted to sell his Suzuki Swift for an Axio, and he got very aggressive and insensitive about my weight. He basically moved into the gym, too, and started requiring way too many expensive proteins to survive. Funny enough, after we broke up he started dating a bigger girl than me.

Sonia, 29, attorney:

I have dated about three guys who work out a lot, and I have concluded that many of them are building their chests to compensate for what they lack below the belt and between the ears. I don't mind a man who keeps himself fit, but I'm very wary of the bodybuilder hulk-looking types.

Keneisha, 28, entrepreneur:

I dated this gym rat one time and I told myself I never would again, but they always look so good I can't resist. Anyway, this guy was a trainer so you know all he did everyday was work out. He was nice and everything and he made me feel so small and safe in his arms. The first time we made love it was divine. It's like the man could not run out of energy. I'm very fit and flexible, so I felt like I met my match. It was a Friday night and I stayed in bed the whole weekend just recovering from the marathon. But by the second and third time I started seeing that it was not sustainable. The man was insatiable and I was falling behind at work because I was so tired. I had to give up that dark chocolate.

Nadine, 34, nail technician:

Some of them are sweet peppers. They're big, but not hot at all. I thought I would have the time of my life with this thick hero I met at a party one night, but I was so disappointed. I don't know if he was afraid of hurting me, but no matter how I tried to get him to 'rough me up' he was just moving slow and gentle. And he must've been tired from all that exercise because he popped off after less than five minutes and fell right asleep.

Sheeka, 30, teacher:

I've been with my muscle man for over five years now and I love him. I have no complaints. He is sweet, caring, smart, firm, and strong. The only thing is that when we go out in public, thirsty girls throw themselves at him desperately, but he doesn't give them the time of day. I don't blame them though, I would throw myself at him too.

Kory-anne, 27, physiotherapist:

I dated two gymmies. One was OK, but the other one was so conceited and vain. He would look at pictures of buff men so much I started wondering if he was straight. He couldn't pass a mirror and not flex his muscles. I couldn't give him a hug without him twitching his chest at me, and he was so concerned about how he looked that he never took the time to notice or compliment me.

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