“COW never know the use a him tail til' him lose it” is a saying that rings true for many Jamaicans — some of us more than others. Oftentimes in relationships a person may feel as if he/she wants out, but realises after the spilt that, as Luther Vandross put it, they'd rather have bad times together than good times apart.
But pride is a major roadblock on the course of true love. Whether the penitent partner who initiated the split is too proud to ask for another chance, or the bruised ego of the dumped partner won't allow another chance to be granted, the exes can only imagine what their lives would have been like together after the break-up.
These contrite exes confessed to All Woman all the things they miss about their former lovers:
'He was really the one'
Sherica, 29, entrepreneur:
It was three boyfriends down the line that I realised that my first serious boyfriend was really the one. Back then he was saying some things about my personality that I guess I was not ready to hear, and so I told him I couldn't be with him anymore. But my boyfriends after that were saying the same things, only not as nicely as he did. But that ship has sailed so it doesn't make sense to try to catch it again.
'I miss some of the little things she did'
Bryan, 34, retailer:
I was married for only two years, and then I moved out. The relationship started feeling like it was choking me, and I thought I did the right thing. But since that time I have never found a girl who really cares for me like she did. So I miss some of the little things she did, although she was too insecure.
'I really miss her so much'
Mark, 46, carpenter:
My common-law wife left when she heard that I had got another girl pregnant. It wasn't true, because the baby wasn't mine, but she'd heard from before that I had a thing with the girl. She moved back into her family house with our two children and she is working and caring for them. She doesn't talk to me unless it's about money, but I really miss her so much.
'The best lover I ever had'
Jenn, 35, seamstress:
My ex-boyfriend is the best lover I ever had. That's the only thing about him that I miss. Everything outside of the bedroom was a total disaster, though. We never agreed on anything except when it came to lovemaking.
'He was a real sweetheart'
Kerry, 29, cook:
I miss how gentle he was with me. He was a real sweetheart. He would buy me random gifts, surprise me at work with lunch, rub my back, help me to exercise, do the dishes without being asked, and just generally be helpful and sweet. I couldn't help thinking he was cheating, though, because he had a strict “don't touch my phone” policy, and he was very handsome too. I didn't feel like I was good enough for such a great guy. I argued a lot and got frustrated when he didn't argue back. When he finally ended it with me I couldn't even blame him.
'I wish we were all just in one happy home'
Persia, 35, sales agent:
My ex-husband wasn't a good husband but he was, and still is, a good father to our girls. Sometimes when I hear how they talk about him, and when they go spend the weekend by his house, I wish we were all just in one happy home. But I have learnt that it's no use crying over the milk you threw out. I'm at peace with my decision.