Desperate to save our marriage

All Woman

Dear Counsellor,

My wife of 10 years seems depressed and is saying she loves me, but she isn't “in love” with me. She says she wants to move closer to her family and friends. She has spoken about divorce, but says she is “unsure” of what she wants to do. My goal is to save our marriage. What do you suggest I do?

The first thing you need to do is to have a conversation with your partner and find out the issues she has with you and when she started having feelings of disconnect with you.

When one partner in a relationship says that they are no longer in love with the other partner, that is cause for concern as it means that the initial love spark that was present has now been extinguished.

It is for this reason that couples need to check in with each other regularly, but more than that they need to maintain the emotional bond and physical connection. Could it be that as you settled in the comfort of the marriage that you began to take your partner for granted?

You need to do some self-introspection and see where you may have contributed to your wife's discontentment.

Although she is mentioning divorce, it's only because she is frustrated and overwhelmed. This is your cue to do what is required to save your marriage before she starts talking to a divorce lawyer.

It may be strategic to reach out to her family and/or friends who may be able to share with you what her dissatisfaction is if she feels you are not paying attention or listening to her.

If you both are unable to have a serious heart-to-heart conversation about what's not happening in the relationship, then do make an appointment to see a marriage counsellor post-haste.

Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to agapemft@gmail.com. Check his Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/MFTCounselor/.

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