FOLKS anticipate the day when they will meet Mr or Ms Right, a meeting that, in their estimation, should occur within a certain time period to make allowance for the other factors in the equation — the career, marriage and kids, for example. This dream usually includes a long list of characteristics and specifications, a list that often gets whittled down and amended as time passes. And for some, the differences between the original list and the one they end up using as the template for their actual lives are stark, and many people will admit that at some point they've had to settle for what is, rather than what should be, as they seek to meet their life's goals and dreams.
We asked a few married people, did you settle for less when you married your mate? Why did you do it, and would you say that you're happy now?
Below are some admissions they made to All Woman.
Gloria C, 55:
Yes, I settled for less with my current husband. We don't match intellectually. But in my younger days I was wild. So when he wanted to marry me I was really happy that someone wanted me, knowing my history. The only thing I got from the marriage was his pay cheque and my four amazing children. I wouldn't say I regret marrying him, because he was the only man who ever loved me and didn't just want sex.
June T, 45:
I decided to settle and marry. My life was rough growing up, and I couldn't afford to move on to the tertiary level. My husband took good care of me and even sent me to school. I wasn't attracted to his physical appearance, but his beautiful personality made up for it. We are very happy.
Chloe F, 30:
My mother did this, and it was the biggest mistake of her life. She wanted to get married and start a family early, so she kept harassing my father until he proposed. To me it would be better if she didn't have a man at all. My parents are so miserable. They started sleeping in separate bedrooms from I was young. They are always arguing. I don't know why they don't get a divorce.
Colleen Y, 35:
Definitely. I was pregnant and didn't want my child to grow up without a father. Thankfully the marriage worked out. We are still going strong.
Romaine W, 40:
Yes, I settled. It was young love. She was pretty and sexy and had just started her teaching job, and at the time I was just an ordinary man doing my little hustling. But I didn't know that she was pure evil. When I went back to school she said some mean, insulting things. We are still in the same house, but in different rooms. Right now we're only married on paper. I want a divorce, but I don't want to lose everything I worked hard for.
Dwayne C, 42:
My wife wasn't the type that I would talk to in those days. But my mother was bothering me about grandkids, and I didn't want children with different babymothers. She was the marriage type so I proposed to her. It was rough for the first few years because we had different interests. But with counselling we eventually worked around it.