All Woman

He wasn't the one because he was a 'mama's boy'

BY PENDA HONEYGHAN

Monday, May 20, 2019

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WHEN one becomes romantically involved, especially when there is undeniable chemistry between you and your new beau, most of you hope that he or she is the one.

However, whether you have been together for two months or two years, you've realised that the man or woman you thought was your match made in heaven, isn't.

All Woman asked readers to share how they knew the person they had hoped was their happily-ever-after actually wasn't right for them. Here are their responses:

Mickaela, 36, banker

I realised that the man that I married and whom I thought was the man sent by God for me wasn't the one when I noticed he was jealous of the relationship I have with my children. I had been a single mother when I met him, and he said he loved children because that is the only way that I would have considered him. There were subtle hints because he always insisted that I punish or that I take away privileges without even talking to them. Then it got worse.

He would complain about me buying kids' stuff all the time, but not about the fact that I often bought gifts for him (majority of the time luxury items), and he wanted me to do things like stay in the bed for hours with him when my kids would have been up and needed me to make their meals. Other small things happened, like the fact that he would call my kids 'brat' and so on, but overall I saw that he was jealous of my kids and the relationship we had and he was trying to destroy us. I had to put a stop to it.

Wayne, 39, architect

I knew she couldn't be the right person because she was stagnant. She had the qualifications, she was smart and beautiful, but she had the mentality that a man should take care of her. I don't have a problem taking care of my woman, but I felt like she was sucking my energy, making me lazy and stagnant like her.

I actually thought that leaving her would be a wake-up call, but after a few months, she scored another man with deep pockets. I really checked for her, but I am happy I didn't actually give in to the pressures of marriage.

Trisanna, 32, paralegal

I knew he wasn't the one because he was a 'mama's boy'. I wanted my privacy, I value that, and so I try to manage all our disagreements within our relationship. But my ex wanted his mom's advice on everything.

Of course, she would always side with him and when he came back we would continue our discussions, but I would hear his mother speaking through him. I want a man who can think for himself and who can see reason on his own, not someone who needs to run to his mom about everything that happens in our relationship. The more I said it, the less he seemed to listen and the more exposed I felt. So, I knew that I needed to make the tough decision to move on with my life.

Marsha, 22, university student

We were together for about eight months when he started to use abusive language. I forgave him for it because outside of that, he was a good person to me. On a few other occasions he would say things like, “Mine mi give yuh something to cool you,” or “You nuh like your face enuh”. I would always laugh it off because I thought he was just being mouthy.

A few weeks after we celebrated one year together we had a disagreement and he slapped me across my face twice. I could hear my ears ringing for days. His threats were now my reality and I knew if I forgave him I would become a statistic. So, to avoid all of that, I left, as difficult as he made it — I did.

Samantha, 35, medical student

He wants children and I don't. I told him from the get-go, but I think he was hoping to change my mind. I don't mind making donations to places of safety or orphanages, but I do not want children and I think women should not be judged for that.

It would have been a waste of time continuing things with him; I saw how his eyes would light up when we would go to the country and see my sister's kids.

Sharon, 46, teacher

The relationship became a shell. I was just staying because I was too lazy to get back in the dating game and I thought, 'I am an older woman'. I became comfortable, not happy, just okay; and one morning I woke up and told him I couldn't do it anymore. Gladly, he agreed and we shared our assets, moved on and we remained friends.


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Flirting while in a relationship is disrespectful.
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