Help! ... My wife has lost her passion for me

All Woman

Dear Counsellor,
My wife of five years told me she has lost her passion for me. I love her more than life itself and will do whatever I need to fix this. I feel depressed about this now and I'm not sure what to do.

It is always an unsettling feeling when your partner discloses to you that he or she has lost the passion they once had. This revelation for some men can be very devastating, as their ego is crushed and their manhood destroyed.

It is for this reason that some women choose not to share their honest feelings with their partners, for fear that he cannot handle the truth, hence fake orgasms are common features of the sexual encounter. Could this have been a reality for your wife that you were not privy to? Your wife, more than likely, would have gradually lost her sexual desire for you.

Let's look at two possible factors that may have contributed to your wife's lack of passion. From a physical perspective, how mindful have you been of your physical appearance? Do you have a beer belly that is not appealing to the eyes? How about your dressing? Do you make a special effort to put yourself together smartly? What about your hygiene? Do you pay attention to these important details that we tend to take for granted?

Could it be that in the formative years of the relationship you were on top of your game, but as the relationship grew you became lazy and complacent, neglecting your physical appearance? The visual presentation is still an important component that should not be taken for granted.

How would you score on the intimacy level? For women, the emotional connection is a critical element that, if neglected, can result in lost passion. Have you been present emotionally for your wife? Do you listen and communicate with her in a caring and respectful way? Are you the person she can talk to about any and everything? If your answer is no to these questions, therein could lie the root of your passionless marriage.

So, what is going on in the lovemaking department? Are there any physiological challenges you have that needs to be addressed? Any sexual disorders? Erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation? These can pose a level of frustration for your wife, especially if you refuse to get help.

What about creativity and innovation? Are you open to trying different positions and locations or are you a “bedroom only, missionary specialist”? Boredom and monotony can become a turn-off as the lack of spontaneity will lead to a decline in passion.

Spend some time to analyse where you may have dropped the ball and what you need to do to rekindle the passion. Don't hesitate to reach out for help from a marital counsellor, if necessary.

All the best.

Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to Check his Facebook page at




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