My husband and I have been married for two years, but we have been together for five. Before we got married, which is when I was still living in Jamaica, he cheated on me, called me names, and lied, among other indiscretions. I forgave him and we moved on. Since then things have been difficult but what causes me the most pain is that he is back to his old ways and trying to make it seem as if I do not have any right to ask him questions or to be mad about his behaviour because I made a decision to live in a different country.
I have been trying to work on forgiving him, but now that I am putting in his paperwork I am having second thoughts. The primary reason is that I found out that he is basically living with a woman in the house that I pay rent for, and driving around in the car that I paid three-quarters of the money for, and the annual insurance. He has this woman even wearing my clothes. I recently found out that everytime he visits me it's under the guise that he is visiting his sister. Apparently he told her that we are done and they are a couple. He tells me that this is untrue, but I am more inclined to believe that he is lying. I love him and I want him here with me as I want a family, but I can't help but think that he just wants to use me to get his paperwork then leave me, and, of course, marry and file for the young lady.
I just don't know what to do.
Your husband is no doubt using your decision to live abroad as his reason to bring in the side chick to take up residence in the matrimonial home. He feels justified in doing so given the fact that you are physically absent and unavailable, and Ms Lady is present and available.
He has, however, crossed the line of respect and dignity when he allowed the other woman to wear your clothes. One wonders what he may be saying to her that gives her such audacity. Did he in fact tell her that her status would be elevated as soon as his permanent residence was finalised? Whatever the discussions were, she surely has moved out in confidence.
So now that you are aware of his behaviour and the fact that he has moved the other woman into your house (and no doubt in your bed), what decisions will you be making given the reality?
Mr Mention obviously has no remorse and if he moves overseas, he will continue to do what he is doing.
The next time he visits you, a serious discussion must be had which would include the possibility of putting the filing procedures on hold until he can assure you that he will conduct himself appropriately.
The first thing that must happen is that he terminates the relationship with the other woman and have her exit the matrimonial home. This outright disrespect must cease with immediate effect. You can't compromise on this.
If he is resistant and refuses to make the required changes, your desire of establishing a wholesome family may not be attained.
At the end of the day your happiness is paramount — with or without him.
Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to email@example.com. Check his Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/MFTCounselor/.