Jack be nimble, Jack be quick...

By PENDA HONEYGHAN

Monday, November 11, 2019

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TELLING your partner that the sex is wack is the last conversation that anyone wants to have with their spouse — it's like being punched in the face. But while this may potentially hurt your partner's feelings, sex therapist Dr Sidney McGill said that it's a tough conversation that must be had.

“Sex and intimacy are a crucial part of romantic relationships. But how do you tell the person that you love that they are not satisfying you or that they are boring in bed? It seems cold, and rightly so, because adults can't handle feeling like they have been sexually rejected or that you want to leave them, which is what a conversation like this could do,” Dr McGill told All Woman.

But failing to communicate desires and avoiding conversations like these is what leads to issues such as infidelity. Just to make sure that things don't lead to this, Dr McGill has shared how to go about talking to your partner about your less than satisfactory sex life.

Have an honest conversation

Many couples like to avoid things — it works no matter how poorly, so why fix it? This is the attitude that Dr McGill said sometimes leads to the death of relationships.

“Be mature about it, say 'hey hun, do you have a minute I would like to talk'.” Next, Dr McGill said that it is important that you remind your partner of your love for him, state what your concern is, then talk openly about how you can both improve your sexual experience. An honest conversation free of judgement or blame increases the chances of him opening up.

Stay clear of fault finding

It is easy to want to make it all about your partner since you are the one engaging him on the issue. But be sure not to come off as launching an attack. Instead of saying, “all you want to do is lie down while I have to do everything”, or “you barely want to kiss me”, you should say instead, “I would have liked it if we could try some more positions, I know you like when I am on top, but it's been a while since you've explored my body with your lips before the heavy action”.

Don't be afraid to share underlying problems

When talking to your partner, be sure to ask if you in some way contribute to his dull mood. For example, do you make him feel like lovemaking is a chore? Are there things that you do to upset him that makes you less desirable and as such impacts the sex experience negatively? Or could there be other medical issues that he may be struggling with? Talk to him so that you can work together to have the issues resolved.

Find creative ways to tell your partner what you want

A good way to start things off is to flirt with your partner. Text him while he is in another room of the house, at work, and/or closer to being home. Share your fantasies with him, take him on an imaginary sexual journey simply by texting, then just before you finish texting, tell him that you can't wait for him to do these things to you. This is likely to make him excited and chances are he will try to follow your every request.

Lay your desires on the table

Without going too much into the disappointment that is your sex life, you can pretty much lay your cards on the table. Ask him how he would feel about adding a little spice to the relationship. Explore the things that you both want and be willing to compromise.

— Penda Honeyghan


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