Lady in waiting

Marie BERBICK

Monday, November 26, 2018

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PLAYING second fiddle to another is never a good feeling — just ask the women who have been waiting forever for a man who is still involved with another woman. Whether it's a man who is legally married to another woman or in a committed relationship, there are so many women who are playing the waiting game. Some are waiting on men who have promised to divorce their wives and marry them, or she's waiting on a man who hasn't made up his mind that she's good enough to occupy the number one position in his love life. Simply put, most women who are willingly in the waiting game for prolonged periods have given up their power to the person who has them waiting.

S o why would a woman keep hanging on in a relationship where she is knowingly playing second fiddle in a man's life?

Everybody's story is different although they may have similar characteristics but here are some of the reasons women find themselves on the waiting list.

The man gives her false hope

A man prefers to lie to a woman and tell her something that gives her false hope, rather than tell her straight up that he is not leaving his wife or number one woman for her. A man will do this to avoid hurting her feelings but for the most part, he just doesn't have the guts to be honest. It's just easier for him to lie than to be honest in these situations. Men hate drama and emotional meltdowns so they don't want the drama that often comes if they tell a woman they are not choosing her. Worse if they are in a sexual relationship.

She genuinely believes his stories

Among the most popular stories a taken man will tell a woman he has on hold, is that his wife or number one woman is the worst witch on the planet. A woman might be told that the woman at home doesn't take care of his sexual needs, doesn't show him love, doesn't cook, has no interest in his dreams, has nothing in common with him, and doesn't encourage or support him in any way. If there are children between them, she can expect to be told that the children are the only reason he stays and he is probably waiting for them to be old enough to 'understand' before he leaves. Whilst some of the excuses may be true, often the situation is exaggerated to gain her sympathy and keep her hooked. When a man tells his lady in waiting that he isn't having sex with his wife or woman at home, don't be too quick to believe. Men do not need to be in love to have a sexual relationship and many marriages are in trouble but the couples are still sleeping together. The truth sometimes comes out in a very shocking way when the 'witch' of a wife he told the lady in waiting about, appears in public very pregnant, yet again.

Men do not like to close doors

A man would rather have a woman hanging onto nothing for as long as possible than be upfront in closing that chapter with her. A man might do this because even as he refuses to cut loose from the wife or partner at home, he is still thinking that just in case home doesn't work he can check in back with the lady in waiting. So the woman keeps waiting for her promotion which never comes. As long as she lets him know that she will wait without a timeline, a man is in no hurry to leave the other relationship.

Women are emotional, men are practical

Women are governed by their emotions, men are more practical. A man can love a woman and still not leave his partner at home for her because he has assessed the situation and decided it's easier or less costly financially to stay with the partner at home. His decision is not based on love, it's based on practical things. In these cases he will still want to hold on to her for she satisfies a need he has, but he will not let go of the partner at home. In the meantime, the lady in waiting sees the situation very differently. A woman in a relationship where she is waiting for a man to choose her will conjure up all kinds of romantic endings to the story, when, very often, it does not play out that way. The idea of the romantic ending, fighting for the prize and winning, and being promoted to wife, keeps a lot of women waiting in vain.

What many ladies in waiting fail to understand is that a man who is attached to someone else doesn't leave just because he wants to be with the one who is waiting. Most often he leaves because he wants to change something about HIS situation so no amount of meltdowns will cause him to choose her. A man who loves a woman and knows her value and wants her to be upfront in his life will do what is necessary to make it happen, no excuses. Even if he cannot fix the situation immediately, he will begin to make changes to facilitate it happening.

Your heart is your lifeline. It's never a good thing to have someone place it on a waiting list. When you allow another person to hold your heart at ransom, you are willingly punishing yourself. Break free from that situation if you are in one. Run!

Marie Berbick is a communications specialist, motivational speaker, ordained minister and founder of the women's ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Follow her on Facebook and Instagram @MarieBerbick . E-mail marieberbick@gmail.com .

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