Lies you have to stop believing if you want lasting love

BY PENDA HONEYGHAN

Monday, October 30, 2017

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THERE is a difference between wanting a long-lasting relationship and setting yourself up for one. And one way that we fail to achieve the latter is by clinging to relationship half-truths fuelled by society, which at least one counsellor, Wayne Powell, says you may want to let go of. Below he shares some of the common half-truths and lies we feed ourselves, to our detriment:

I always attract the wrong men

No, you don't always attract the wrong men. Maybe your methods are wrong in choosing these men, but certainly there are good men who would welcome a chance to get to know you. You have to be more open-minded when you date, and learn that love is more than physical appearance. Also, if you think you attract the wrong men, then maybe it is something that you are doing.

There is a shortage of available men, so I don't mind sharing another woman's man

You are sharing another woman's man because you want to. Some women, because of the thrill they get from feeling that they have something over another woman, or because they don't want to commit to a man, will say this nonsense.

As long as my man cheats discreetly, I don't have a problem

Because society teaches that all men are dogs, many women have begun to accept this. Some even suggest that once this is done discreetly, it is fine by them. But not all men cheat, and it's certainly not okay if they cheat discreetly. In fact, this would mean that you have given your man a free ticket to keep on cheating. You should always make it known that cheating is not okay.

It's OK to jump into another relationship soon after ending one

This is one of the reasons why some people never heal, or take a longer time to heal because they have failed to allow themselves time to heal, or to learn to enjoy their own company. When you get hooked on the idea that you are and will become lonely once you don't have a man/woman, you will realise that you have lost yourself in a perpetual cycle of doom. This pretty much ends with you throwing yourself at every member of the opposite sex who shows the slightest interest in you. Do not dismiss the importance of taking time to get to know anyone you will become involved with.

All men think about is sex

Sorry to burst your bubble, but this is not true. While they may think about sex more than women do, what is also true is that men are more than just that. Sure, men love sex, but not all of them are as consumed by it as you think.

All women want is financial support

The fact that so many women are striving to achieve their independence should give you a clue. What most women want is respect and support from their men. Sure some women may be more dependent financially than you would like, but even these women, if they are truly interested in you, desire your love, patience and most importantly your attention rather than the money you give.

I can hold the man by having a child for him

Well, the songwriter did say “pickney naa hol' man again” and he couldn't have been more correct. So if you are planning to become pregnant with the hope of keeping a man, please think about whether or not you are willing, capable and in a financial position to support this move. You might also want to think about what you will tell your child/children if the father isn't around. The point is, avoid getting innocent lives involved in your games. They don't deserve it.

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