DEAR COUNSELLOR, I recently found out that the man I have been in a relationship with for the past three years is now married. He went overseas last year and to my knowledge we were still in a relationship — until I found the wedding pictures. My heart was broken into pieces as I honestly was out here waiting for this man to come back.
Before he left he told me he was going away for five months, but I began to grow suspicious because I knew he went away on a visitor's visa. My suspicions came to reality when those pictures surfaced.
I am very confused as to this man's motives. He bought me a car that is registered in my name and to find out that he's now married is devastating.
He's insisting on having a heart-to-heart talk when he comes back to Jamaica. Please advise me what to do.
It's unfortunate that after three years when you have invested your time and effort in the relationship, Mr Man is now ready to have that “heart-to-heart” talk, which I presume has to do with telling you the truth about his marital status.
Honesty is one of the most essential columns of a stable relationship, and if absent it will certainly negatively impact the foundation of the relationship over time.
Pictures don't lie unless they have been photographically altered. I am sure the gentleman will present several reasons why he failed to disclose that he was married. He probably will say, “I don't want to be with her, it's you I really want in my life,” or “We really don't have anything going on between us and I am in the process of divorcing her.” In other words, he would be saying that his wife is of no significance to the relationship so there was no need to mention her and spoil the fun he was having with you.
The truth is that he is being unfaithful in the marital relationship and in keeping with his clandestine behaviour, secrecy and twisting of the truth go hand-in-hand. Mr Man, like you, invested in the relationship and is not about to destroy the emotional bond he developed over the past three years. The car he bought in your name was him securing his investment, but moreso, it was about his wife not seeing any evidence of his infidelity.
Did he not say what trip was about? Did you ask? If yes, were you satisfied with the response? To be away from your “partner” for five months visiting another country is cause for concern.
Be resolute and demand the truth from the gentleman, regardless of the outcome. It is the truth that will set him free of guilt and you free of stress and anxiety. After this heart-to- heart talk you must decide what is in your best interest.
Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com. Check out his work on www.seekingshalom.org and his Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/MFTCounselor/.