Pay at the (bedroom) door

BY PENDA HONEYGHAN

Monday, September 23, 2019

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MORE women are paying their way — splitting date night bills in half, financing 'baecations', and assuming the role of breadwinner even while their male partners are part of the household. A large majority of women, however, including some in committed relationships, still believe that men need to pay in cash or kind for their time — especially that spent beneath the sheets.

“If you can't afford me don't step to me”, is what some women have been chanting, and All Woman asked men to share how women have subtly or openly demanded payment for their services and how they react if they just don't have the funds.

Mark, 43, truck driver:

About 10 years ago I was along with a girl who lived in a garrison community. At the time I was new to trucking and I didn't always have jobs lined up. Anyway, I would always leave a 'thing' for her even if we didn't get intimate because her place was small and she had kids. She always asked me to do things — you know send lists of things for me to get, and back-to-school time, I would help her with her kids, give her a small 'thing' for her mom, and so on. It so happened that I had some free time in a blank week and she sent me a message that the gas was finished, so I told her to hold off on the hairstyle and buy the gas because the fortnight would be the following week. I still went over the house hoping to get a little 'relief', but I was there and she never even offered me a little water. She was just beating her chest, belching, and kissing her teeth. I didn't pay her too much mind because I know she was sometimes moody, and I then pulled her into the room and was touching her, only for her to blaze up on me and accuse me of being good for nothing. She continued her rant at the top of her lungs asking me if I thought she was careless to lay down with me, and if she was to die of hunger that week, and if I heard how she was belching. She said she couldn't make love on a hungry stomach because that was suicide. I just left.

Kenneth, 36, carpenter:

You don't even have to touch a woman or be in the same place for her to feel like she needs to ask you for a 'thing'. I was talking to a girl and she kept talking about back-to-school and not having any help for her son and also how her siblings didn't help out with her diabetic mom. She knew I was on the work programme and from I sent the first US$200, it's like crosses take her because her mother was always in the hospital and she always had to use her son's lunch money to buy something, or there was always an event at church that she would love to attend. It wasn't a problem sending her money at first, but then she started asking me to pack barrels and dropping hints that she had a visa and if she just got a plane ticket she had an under-the-table job lined up. And it just got too much so I told her I was going back to my babymother. I don't even know how she looked naked, but I didn't mind losing out on that; it was too toxic.

Jamesy, 30, teacher:

I was just getting to know a girl — I loved her vibe and decided I wanted to see where things could go. I would always buy her things, you know small gifts, but still I would always ask her if she needed anything and she would always have a long grocery list for me to fill. Everytime I invited her to my place she would always say it was best if I came to hers instead. Then she started encouraging her mother to beg me things and things started to get uncomfortable. What shocked me the most though was her request for me to accompany her to the gynaecologist. She came out of the room and asked if I had $28,000. I couldn't see through such a high figure, then she whispered in my ear, “The man going to take care of it, is not yours; is an old belly.” I helped her with it but that was it.

Jet, 53, business owner:

I used to have a woman who was always only in the mood when I brought home my money to count. Every other day she was tired or had some irregular bleeding. As soon as she saw the money bag she suddenly needed everything for the house, she wanted to help this person, she forgot to pay for this or that at the kids' school, etc. She would just make up random things to get money even though she received her money weekly and her children's father lived abroad and took care of his kids well.

Ramone, 27, plant operator:

I don't know if it's a thing with women, but all of them stay the same way, some just more aggressive than others. It's always a broken phone, some story about the doctor, or that JPS cut their light, that they are hungry, or extending an invite to some event before telling you they don't have anything to wear and the hair and nails stay bad just so you will pay for it. I don't mind giving a woman my money, but I don't like the begging all the time. It's a turn-off.


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