Real life Joes

All Woman

Real life Joes

By Penda Honeyghan

Monday, January 20, 2020

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THE Netflix original series You follows a psychopath, Joe, who becomes so fixated on the women he falls in love with that he is willing to get rid of anything — or anyone — who he perceives to be a threat to his relationship. Women fall in love with Joe easily because he is the perfect boyfriend at the start of all the relationships — charming, caring and romantic... until things start getting weird. They start realising that Joe is obsessed with them, and it's far from healthy. Usually by the time the women figure out just how crazy Joe is, it's too late.

But how many of us would be able to spot a Joe in our lives before it's too late? All Woman asked women to tell us how much is too much, and where they draw the line between crazy in love and just plain crazy.

Sashel, 32, teacher:

I think he is obsessive if he pops up somewhere more than once; for example, when I am out with friends without him and he suddenly shows up and creates a scene especially when done on more than one occasion. Another red flag for me is when he threatens to harm me or himself if things don't work out. More ladies need to realise it is not a compliment.

Sheryl, 27, nurse:

An obsessed man is one who starts getting clingy and demanding. He wants to know where I am all the time and who I am with. Basically, anytime he starts acting too insecure or wants to try to control me in any way, shape or form.

Dacia, 30, stylist:

I can spot them from early in the relationship. If they can't go a good few hours without letting your phone rest, or want to talk to you for long periods, you know that they will get clingy. Oh, and when he offers to wash my drawers, calls me too often, and wants to follow me to do my hair and nails.

Michelle, 34, dental hygienist:

An obsessive man is one who is very controlling, talks down to you like nothing you do is ever good enough, is clingy, insecure, and will go as far as to search or even hack your phone, throws tantrums, and gets angry when you try to get space.

Sherice, 29, events promoter:

A man is obsessive when he doesn't want you to go anywhere without him, he wants to be your only friend, asks a lot of questions, calls all the time, and gets angry if you don't pick up.

Carla, 37, photographer:

A man has crossed over from being romantic to obsessive when:

•He doesn't want his woman to make a move without him knowing.

•He demands to take control of how her money is spent.

•He demands to know all her friends, and even isolates her from some or all.

•He demands to accompany her everywhere she is going.

•He wants to pick her up and drop her off everywhere if she doesn't drive.

•He coerces her to tell him who she is talking to or texting all the time.

Rochelle, 43, business owner:

He's obsessed when he starts isolating you from your family and friends, and gives you a curfew if you have to go out for work, for example, or some other place that he can't necessarily accompany you. And when he says things like, “to how mi love you if you lef mi, mi kill miself”, run ladies!

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