FOR men these days, having a back-up plan, aka side chick, in the dating arena is nothing strange. And with more women warming up to the idea of being a number other than number one in a man's life, more men seem to be taking advantage of this. Unfortunately for some women, not all men are upfront about this when playing the game, leaving some women to mistakenly believe that they have the number one 'wife' status when they really don't.
What are some signs that you're not the wife? Relationship counsellor Wayne Powell shares.
He fails to take you to work-related events
If he is going to the club or other informal places he will take you, but he never takes you to his work events. He also does not want you to just drop by at work unannounced and even if you have to drop by he keeps things almost formal.
He shares his personal challenges with other people, not you
If you are the wife, then chances are you would be the favourite ears to tell his problems, concerns, share his dreams and plans with. If he doesn't do this or is very vague when you ask him personal things, then you are not his number one.
You don't know where he lives
Every time you meet up, it's either at your house, a hotel or guest house. Even if he treats you right and provides all your needs, the fact that you don't know where he lives, and he has never invited you to his house, should be a clear indication of your position. The man is likely to have his wife or main woman at home.
He fails to introduce you to his friends and associates
Sometimes friends are like family and so if he hides you from them or introduces you to them as a friend or associate when you run into them this is proof that you are not the front runner.
He doesn't remember special dates
If he fails to remember your birthday, anniversary, stands you up on dates and gives more expensive gifts to the other woman on Valentine's Day — womp womp, you are not the wife.
He relegates you to the back seat in his car while the other woman sits beside him
Chances are he does not want anyone to see you in the front seat of his car for obvious reasons. Oh, and even if you get to sit in the front the tinted windows are wound up — it's not because he wants to keep the air conditioner on sis, he doesn't want anyone to see you.
You are not a priority
You have to wait in line while he attends to his family and friends before addressing your urgent needs. If you were the wife, then you would automatically be an emergency and you wouldn't have to wait until he sees to everyone else's needs before he can address yours.
Your emergency is not his emergency
If you are in an emergency he is never available to assist you and sends someone else to help you. Of course, if you were the wife he would drop everything to be with you unless it was physically impossible at the moment.
You don't get a say in his decisions
If he does tell you anything it's when it's already signed and sealed, of course, because your opinion doesn't matter and he doesn't believe that he needs to take it into consideration.
You are the one keeping things afloat
He is often absent-minded and he doesn't seem too afraid to lose you. You are the one constantly investing in the relationship, catering to his needs, and dancing to his tunes. You put up with his bad behaviour, he comes and goes at his convenience, and you are afraid that if you ever call him out he will split.
He won't share property or responsibilities
First of all, not only is he not talking marriage, but he also has not explicitly said that you are exclusive. Further to that, he is not giving you a positive response to requests for him to move in. He doesn't want to give you money for any bills even though he contributes to them. He stays clear of any financial or emotional investments with you and draws clear boundaries.