All Woman

Who is the real homewrecker? The man, the other woman, or his wife?

By PENDA HONEYGHAN

Monday, March 18, 2019

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WHEN a woman gets involved with an involved man, chances are she will likely receive most of the flak when the affair is discovered, even though she is the accomplice to the cheating partner. We were reminded of this in recent weeks, when the term 'homewrecker' perforated social media spaces, following speculations that Cleveland Cavalier Tristan Thompson cheated on his girlfriend Khloe Kardashian, with Jordyn Woods, the best friend of Khloe's younger sister Kylie Jenner. Many fans of the Kardashian family accused Woods of being a homewrecker, many completely ignoring the fact that Thompson has been at the centre of several cheating scandals in recent months.

When the man cheats who is the real homewrecker? The man? The other woman who knew the whole time that he had a family at home but didn't care? Or is it the woman at home who neglected his needs?

“This will vary with each individual situation,” said counsellor and youth pastor David Anderson. “In some cases the man makes no bones about not caring to preserve the sanctity of his marital home; in some cases the other woman is relentless in her pursuit, and succeeds despite initial reservations from the man; and to be honest, in some cases the spouse at home has neglected her duties in such a way that she inevitably wrecks her own relationship.”

He said this is why couples caught in this situation have to carefully analyse their individual situations, before making rash decisions.

“Your first reaction can't be to listen to people and 'throw out the wutliss man', and not accept the roles of all involved in the betrayal,” he said. “And your first reaction can't be to blame the other woman and attack her, when she may have been a pawn in a game she didn't know she was playing.”

He said that only through analysis will you be able to determine who the real homewrecker is — and when you do, you can take the appropriate action.

All Woman also asked readers to arbitrate the long-standing dispute of who really is to blame when a third person enters a relationship.

Kelly, 37, petroleum technician:

The man. He stepped out of the union and he can never take that back. Whatever the environment in the relationship was like he could have said something, but instead he wanted to take the easy way out.

Dave, 44, police officer:

The real homewrecker is the woman at home. She has to understand that men will be men — this is coming from Bible days. Women push men to do certain things because they get too comfortable in the relationship; they love to nag, and if truth be told, the outside woman helps to put plenty relationships back together. Plus plenty of time men can't help themselves because women are always throwing themselves at them.

Jody-Ann, 29, communications specialist:

The man is the homewrecker because he is the one who made the commitment to the woman at home. It is too sad that men so often think that they can solve a problem or avoid a problem by creating a whole new problem. I think it is sad that we so often say that the women at home are neglecting their men's needs — but what about the woman's? Is he dropping the ball too? Unfortunately, this is always the other woman's first line of defence. I say if your partner is withdrawn or neglecting you, express your concern; don't just go searching for the arms of another woman for comfort. If the outside woman knows about the man and his family, she is helping him to wreck his home but is not necessarily a homewrecker. She was invited by a man who failed his family. She doesn't get off scot-free though, shame on her for contributing to another woman's pain! She must take responsibility for her role in the affair.

Kwis, 26, legal secretary:

If a man leaves his family to pursue another woman, then he is the homewrecker. The man is fully liable for the care, safety, comfort and the preservation of his home and family. If there are issues present in the home — in this case, if he feels that he is being neglected by his woman, then all it takes is a simple one-on-one conversation between both parties. The fact is, the onus is not on the other woman to respect or consider the happiness or well-being of the man's family, as her happiness would be her immediate concern. By his actions, the man has generated more problems instead of taking steps to resolve those that exist.

Avery, 42:

When a man is cheating on his wife, then he is most certainly the homewrecker. It cannot be the woman at home because if the man wants to cheat there is nothing that the person at home does that will be good enough. Once it is in his mindset that it is what he wants, it is what he would do regardless. I also think that if the woman outside knows that he has his wife or partner at home, then she also should bear a little of the blame. A woman at home should hold some of the blame, however, if her man makes it clear that he is unhappy and the woman is unwilling to communicate the challenges that they are having and work towards a compromise.

Lavena, 26, operations manager:

Both the man and the woman who knew the whole time that he had a family and still entertained him must share the blame equally. These women are often intentional in their actions, they ridicule the women at home, throw shade, and they try to snatch other women's partners because they believe that they have found their Mr Right. Of course, there are instances when a man might feel neglected by his wife, but the answer is not outside of his marriage. His intentions should be to seek professional help if needs be. Women need to start looking out for each other instead of trying to snatch each other's partners, and men ought to respect their women at home enough to let them go altogether or work things out.

Kaye-Ann, 36, author:

The other woman, but more so the man. He's the one who owes his woman his loyalty. But also girl code — the sisterhood ought to be respected!

Sherry, 29, make-up artist:

The homewrecker is the one who has a home, so if the man steps out of his home and decides to cheat, then he is the problem. All he had to do was leave if he was so unhappy. Nobody has the job of respecting the relationship but you.

Bryan, 22, journalist:

I believe that the man is ultimately responsible; however, there must have been a reason for his persistent disloyalties and perhaps the woman at home needs to take a look at herself.


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