Why you're still single despite your 2018 resolutions

All Woman

SO another Christmas has come and gone and if you're not in a happy relationship, you're perhaps still where you were a year ago — that is, still single and wishing you were closing out the year with goal number one on your Relationship Resolutions List for 2018 scratched off.

Like so many other singles, at this time of year you probably spent Christmas day watching Home Alone with an unwelcome guest — depression. Depression affects many single people at special holidays like Christmas or Valentine's Day, moreso if you're into social media and are being fed the steady diet of happy photos from couples who seem to have what you do not.

Notwithstanding, you're alive, and where there is life, there is hope, so now that the year is at a close and you're quite likely assessing your resolutions list, let's spare a few minutes to look at why you might still be single a year after putting 'finding a good man/woman' at the top of your 2018 list, and how to do things a bit differently in the coming year.

Apart from the fact that your timing might just be off, here are a few reasons you may have failed to find a partner in 2018.

You are a homebody

So many people want a relationship, a partner, a husband or wife, but do not go anywhere that they are likely to meet someone. The phone and social media have replaced the importance of physical face-to-face conversations for many people and it's killing the chances of meeting someone authentic. It is difficult to gauge someone's authenticity from text messages. Anyone can say anything, but when face-to-face you get a chance to assess people much better when they are communicating with you. If you've spent most of 2018 trying to meet people via social media, and had a few instances that things seemed promising but fell through before you even met face-to-face, something is wrong. Try a different approach. In 2019, start going out and put yourself in a better position to meet someone. Join social clubs, community or professional associations, go to church, volunteer with a charitable organisation, volunteer at your children's school, join a gym — just try to get out more. Yes, you may go to work every day, but half of us won't meet our partners at work and nobody will see you if you stay home except the delivery guy and the postman, of course.

You need a mind makeover

If you've been through something that shook you up or caused you to withdraw emotionally and otherwise, you might be ready to get back in the game, but nobody knows because your emotional and physical signals are not saying that. You attract what you put out so if you want to attract a great person, start looking and behaving like one. Your first gem or wisdom about this comes from the Bible too — whatever you sow, you shall reap, so come out of the shell that you're in. Practice making polite conversation with people around you, smile more, be friendly, look bright, and dress with radiance too. The mind is a powerful thing and you cannot pour new wine into old skins and expect good results. Whatever attitudinal adjustments you need, do it. You will begin to attract likeminded people.

Stop talking to and listening to everybody

It is quite possible that you may have missed a great prospect because you told others you liked the person and they talked you out of it. People always have an opinion especially when it comes to other people's business. There's nothing wrong with seeking guidance or another person's opinion about someone, but if you're the type who values other people's opinion of a potential partner above your own, you are walking a thin line. Sometimes when we reach out to others for an opinion about a relationship prospect, we have already made up our own mind but are hoping the person whom we reach out to shares the same opinion. The danger lies in when you've got it right, but you talk to too many people and allow their opinion to confuse or derail you. Always remember that your friend, mother, relative or advisor aren't the ones who will live with this person — it's you. Value a second opinion, but at the end of the day YOU must make the decision based on what you know, how you feel, and what you know is good for YOU. Start learning to trust yourself and make your own decisions or you might end up like the man, his son and the donkey — they ended up carrying the donkey because they listened to and tried to please everyone.

Look good and you'll feel good

If you're feeling down, once you dress up you will feel better. Yes, it's your character and personality that truly makes you attractive to a prospect, but your appearance is very important because it's something they SEE about you that attracts them initially. You don't need to adorn yourself in the most expensive attire, but often it's the way you look that causes someone to strike up a conversation with you. They have to say something to start the getting to know you process, and if you don't look too good, it is less likely that you will get someone's attention long enough for them to attempt a conversation. Ladies, men are attracted to what they see. Something about your look attracts them first, then they move to getting to know you after. If you need a wardrobe makeover do it — out with the drab, old clothes, and in with clothing that will make you look and feel much more confident.

Finding a partner in 2019 is on many people's New Year's resolution list. You're probably putting it back on yours for the third or fourth time. This time, try these tips and let's see if you can scratch it off your list come next December.

Marie Berbick is a communications specialist, motivational speaker, ordained minister and founder of the women's ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Follow her on Facebook and Instagram @MarieBerbick. E-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.

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