Jamaica Observer http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/ JamaicaObserver.com, the most concise and in-depth website for news coverage on Jamaica and the Caribbean. Updated daily 7 days a week, 24 hours a day en-us copyright Jamaica Observer, 2011 Signs you are dating the wrong man http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Signs-you-are-dating-the-wrong-man In the beginning of all relationships you&rsquo;ll get the butterflies, and while this stage is indeed sweet, you should not ignore the signs that you could be dating a wolf in sheep&rsquo;s clothing. So what should a woman look out for?<br /> <br /> 1. He&rsquo;s too good to be true<br /> <br /> If something is so perfect that you question if it is real, think twice before going further. There is not one infallible person on earth, and a man who is genuine will reveal to you his flaws and weaknesses. Perfection doesn&rsquo;t exist, not even in fairytales.<br /> <br /> 2. Long history of women and drama<br /> <br /> A man with a history that surpasses the pages of the Bible is a dangerous man, and it also reveals his inability to sustain a relationship. You should really question if you will be counted among the others before you.<br /> <br /> 3. Obsessed with image<br /> <br /> A man who cares about his image should be admired, but a man who looks at himself every three seconds to check if his beard is intact or that he doesn&rsquo;t wrinkle his pants is obsessed.  It is almost impossible to have a healthy relationship with such a man.<br /> <br /> 4. Too many female &ldquo;friends&rdquo;, and you know zero<br /> <br /> You are a hidden factor. If a man refuses to introduce you to his so-called female friends, you are probably not as exclusive as you thought you were. Do not ignore this one because this is a definite red-flag.<br /> <br /> 5. Dates are always &lsquo;Netflix & Chill&rsquo;<br /> <br /> Watching movies and having a great conversation in the house is indeed a great way to have fun, but if you find it a regular thing, you are a secret. If a man enjoys you, you will be showcased.<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13583863/date_w300.jpg All Woman Friday, January 20, 2017 5:15 AM 5 Before you press that record button&hellip; http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Before-you-press-that-record-button- Many couples have attempted to record their intimate moments as a means to &ldquo;spice&rdquo; up their bedroom tactics. Some have regretted it, others have found the experience fulfilling. Would you so engage?<br /> <br /> Georgia: <br /> <br /> I did it and I love watching it!<br /> <br /> Kay: <br /> <br /> I have thought about it but I am scared because I am a Christian.<br /> <br /> KK: <br /> <br /> No way am I doing that. I trust no man with that!<br /> <br /> RC: <br /> <br /> I see nothing wrong once you trust your man. It can also be a souvenir when you get old.<br /> <br /> It is advised by many people that you avoid recording altogether, as when leaks happen, the results can detrimentally destroy one&rsquo;s character and integrity. Here&rsquo;s why you should think twice before you venture in this area:<br /> <br /> &bull;Can you trust your current partner to protect you even if there is a bump in the road and you guys split? A lot of people believe that their secrets are safe with their current partner when truth is, the opposite is true. Time reveals trust and that is important as you give your relationship time to blossom. If it is something you are not into, don&rsquo;t force it, abort the idea immediately!<br /> <br /> &bull;Are you willing for the world to see you in every way? It is quite possible for that tape to escape from the prison cell it sleeps. You might not want to think of this, but you have to in the heat of fun.<br /> <br /> &bull;Are you doing this because you really want to, or are you being forced? Ensure that you are doing this because you want to and are not being forced, as this can cripple your morals and lower your standards. If you are going to risk it, do it because you want to.<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13583856/camera_w300.jpg All Woman Friday, January 20, 2017 5:12 AM 5 Should you judge him by how he treats his mother? http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Should-you-judge-him-by-how-he-treats-his-mother- It has been said that how a man treats his mother is a direct reflection of how he will treat his woman or his wife. How true is this theory?<br /> <br /> Sean: <br /> <br /> That is rubbish. I don&rsquo;t really have a mother as she threw me out of her house as a teen because my step-father told her to, and we just don&rsquo;t have a relationship. I am now married and my wife I believe is quite happy and we are about to start our family.<br /> <br /> Racquel T: <br /> <br /> I do observe how my husband treated his mother before we got married. I admired how he spoke with her and ensured all her financial needs were met. So that told me how he would treat me, and he did.<br /> <br /> Andrene: <br /> <br /> How a man treats his mother can&rsquo;t tell how he will treat you! A man can respect his mother and still use you.<br /> <br /> A man who respects his mother is a man who was not only brought up decently, but has the potential of loving his woman or wife unconditionally. Here is what you can learn about a man from how he treats his mother:<br /> <br /> &bull; Look out for the hugs and kisses he extends to his mother when he greets her. Because that&rsquo;s the same treatment that can be expected, and even better when he has you as his one and only.<br /> <br /> &bull; Does he respect his mother? Look at how he handles disagreements with her. If he is the type to ignore and say nothing or retaliate and use expletives, beware.<br /> <br /> &bull; Does he ensure his mother is financially secure? This is extremely important as you have a lot of men tending to their own affairs and that of others and ignoring the basic necessities such as food, clothing and shelter for their mothers.<br /> <br /> &bull; Is he the type to sit and listen or to ignore calls for help? A lot of men say they care, when truth is they care about themselves and their desires only. A woman loves a man who listens, and there is much power in listening as it is in this that understanding is derived.<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13583850/mom_w300.jpg All Woman Friday, January 20, 2017 5:09 AM 5 How important is religion in your relationship? http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/How-important-is-religion-in-your-relationship- There is a famous Bible scripture that states that two cannot walk unless they agree, and this has proven to be correct in many cases.<br /> <br /> While it is not impossible for two people with two different belief systems be in love and have a family, it can be a bumpy ride when it comes to negotiating all life&rsquo;s obstacles.<br /> <br /> What do readers think?<br /> <br /> CC: <br /> <br /> I cannot tie myself to a man who doesn&rsquo;t believe in Jesus. I live for Jesus so if he is not on the same page, it makes no sense.<br /> <br /> A: <br /> <br /> Religion is important. Two cannot walk unless they agree and that is a fact.<br /> <br /> B: <br /> <br /> I am Muslim and for me to have a family with a woman outside of my belief, that would be impossible because within my religion, the man is the head and that means the woman believes what he believes and that is final.<br /> <br /> In many cases, it is quite impossible for two religions and even two denominations to live in peace and unity. When the two are supposed to meet and commune there will be a barrier, and so it is highly recommended that you not just fall for the charm and aesthetics of a person, but that you know who they are to determine if you can live with what they have to offer.<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13581336/bible_w300.jpg All Woman Thursday, January 19, 2017 5:57 AM 5 Condom bargaining http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Condom-bargaining &ldquo;I am protecting myself because I cannot even trust the air I breathe these days. I am in love with my current man but every time we have sex, I insist he wears a condom. I can always fix heartbreak but I cannot cure AIDS!&rdquo; <br /> <br /> &ndash; Alecia<br /> <br /> Trust is one of the most imperative foundations of a relationship, and although partners will trust each other, life has a way of twisting and turning, and sometimes without planning, a third party will enter the relationship. So should a woman protect herself knowing of this risk?<br /> <br /> A woman is entitled to protect her health. Although condom negotiation can prove extremely difficult, a woman has the right to decide whether she needs the extra protection. While a man will think it is an indicator that he is expected to be unfaithful, that is just not so.<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13581332/condoms_w300.jpg All Woman Thursday, January 19, 2017 5:55 AM 5 The importance of loving yourself http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/The-importance-of-loving-yourself Many people make the mistake of thinking love is a feeling, but it is actually a choice. Falling in love is totally dependent on emotions, but love is something you wake up every day and decide to do because it is right.<br /> <br /> Self-love is highly important because if one cannot love the core of who they are and appreciate everything about their character, even their flaws, it is almost impossible for that person to have healthy friendships and maintain healthy relationships. This is the major downfall for many women and men &ndash; there is no real bond with self.<br /> <br /> So begin today! Spend time with yourself! Learn to be single and appreciate it. Use that time to intentionally work on you and do this by journalling your emotions and your thoughts. Words when written and spoken are active and powerful and so it is recommended by many counsellors that people write down their feelings, goals, dreams, likes and dislikes. <br /> <br /> Enjoy your own company.Take the time to love you, you are worth the sacrifice.<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13581329/love_w300.jpg All Woman Thursday, January 19, 2017 5:51 AM 5 How much sleep do kids need? http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/How-much-sleep-do-kids-need-_86764 BABIES and children in general require a lot of sleep, significantly more than the recommended eight hours for adults, since at this stage sufficient sleep is necessary to support their rapid mental and physical development. But while many parents are aware of this need, they have no idea of how much sleep is required at each stage of growth. <br /> <br /> &ldquo;Sleep is an important part of healthy living as sleep is essential for all areas of health &mdash; physical, emotional and psychological. It also plays a vital role in growth, metabolism, immune function, memory and learning,&rdquo; said Dr Anona Griffith, paediatrician at Gateway Plaza, Old Harbour.<br /> <br /> She noted that inadequate sleep or sleep deprivation, which is generally addictive and happens over time, could manifest as poor learning and school performance, mood swings, anger, impulsive behaviour, poor attention span, and loss of judgement.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Some physical manifestations of lack of sleep include increased risk of heart disease, hypertension, diabetes, depression and obesity, and of course interference with the normal development of the child overall; so we want to make sure at this stage &mdash; childhood &mdash; when they are so fragile, that we do everything to encourage instead of hinder their development,&rdquo; Dr Griffith advised. <br /> <br /> She said that the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM) has formulated recommendations as to the amount of sleep required for optimal health in children and adolescents based on numerous studies and research. <br /> <br /> She said that the 2016 recommendations as revised and endorsed by the American Academy of Paediatrics (AAP) are as follows:<br /> <br /> &bull; Four to 12 months require 12 to 16 hours each day<br /> <br /> &bull; One to two years require 11 to 14 hours each day<br /> <br /> &bull; Three to five years require 10 to 13 hours each day<br /> <br /> &bull; Six to 12 years require nine to 12 hours each day<br /> <br /> &bull; Thirteen to 18 years require eight to 10 hours each day.<br /> <br /> She noted, however, that sometimes this can be difficult, especially since the number of distractions have increased. She has listed some sleep stealers that parents will need to address:<br /> <br /> LACK OF ROUTINE<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Bedtimes should be scheduled and enforced routinely, preferably daily. Sleep training should start from infancy &mdash; ideally before six months,&rdquo; Dr Griffith said. She stressed the importance of sticking to these schedules during vacations. While an occasional request for staying up late may be granted, she said, a time for going to bed should be agreed upon.<br /> <br /> TECHNOLOGY<br /> <br /> &ldquo;The presence of televisions or other pieces of technology in children&rsquo;s rooms can be distracting, and children may try to use or peek at these devices even after bedtime, so it is recommended that all devices including cellphones and tablets be shut down 30 minutes prior to bedtime,&rdquo; Dr Griffith said. <br /> <br /> She noted that for infants younger than 18 months, some experts suggest that there should be no screen time. This suggestion is against the background that at this age infants are learning actively, and human interaction facilitates a more wholesome learning experience.<br /> <br /> TOO MANY ACTIVITIES<br /> <br /> Nowadays, even children are too busy to sleep. &ldquo;Packed extracurricular schedules can rob a child of important sleep time, and while parents want their children to be exposed to many activities, these added stressors also increase the need for more sleep,&rdquo; Dr Griffith said. She warned against this, noting that these are becoming one of the most common stressors for children. <br /> <br /> FAMILY INSTABILITY/ABUSE <br /> <br /> Dr Griffith said that adequate sleep should be given priority. She noted that it should be considered as highly as any other developmental demand because it is crucial to the optimal health of children. <br /> <br /> &ldquo;Where there are challenges with achieving a scheduled bedtime or maintaining one, the AAP has encouraged a programme, &lsquo;brush, book, bed&rsquo; as a guide for bedtime routine. It has been very helpful,&rdquo; Dr Griffith advised. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13578024/252967_79734_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Wednesday, January 18, 2017 12:00 AM 1 http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13578029/252967_79734_repro_bbysecld.jpg Don&rsquo;t go crazy with a newborn&rsquo;s demanding schedule http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Don-t-go-crazy-with-a-newborn-s-demanding-schedule_86763 A new baby is demanding. Between the list of things to get done for them and the time that you spend fulfilling their needs, there seems to be absolutely no time at all to get anything done for yourself or for anyone else. This can be a frustrating time, especially for first-time mothers, who often confess to feeling overwhelmed to the point of insanity. But clinical psychologist Dr Pearnel Bell says while the baby&rsquo;s demands seem to be endless, you can cope without reaching the point of wanting to tear out your hair.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Taking care of a newborn can be quite challenging. The first three months can prove even more so. The first step to ensuring that you don&rsquo;t give in to the idea of going crazy is to develop a schedule, a detailed list along with times, similar to a daily planner,&rdquo; Dr Bell advised.<br /> <br /> She said in the ideal situation both parents are available, and they should organise the schedule so that they do not become overwhelmed. This should include a night schedule where wake time rotates so that each parent can get some rest.<br /> <br /> But not all situations are ideal. And so in cases where there is only a single caregiver, he or she may need to rely on others to reduce the stress of caring for a baby alone. <br /> <br /> &ldquo;If there are persons around you who are supportive and willing to help, such as family members or close friends, let them. Introduce them to the idea of the schedule and if they are okay with it, schedule activities around the times most available to them. This will show them that you respect and appreciate their time and effort,&rdquo; Dr Bell advised. <br /> <br /> She noted that these situations, especially since your support people may not be able to stay overnight, should result in you resting during the day while they are around so you can manage the night shift. <br /> <br /> Other strategies which Dr Bell said should help include:<br /> <br /> &bull; Sleeping both during the days and at night when the baby is asleep. <br /> <br /> &bull; If there is no supporting family, friend or spouse, the mother could consider hiring a caregiver that could help her to get most of the other chores done so that she can spend quality time with the baby.<br /> <br /> &bull; It&rsquo;s great that you want to be with the baby, but an important part of coping with a new baby is taking some to relax, if even for a few hours each week. <br /> <br /> &bull; She also encouraged mothers not to try to compete or be a supermom, because pushing yourself beyond your limit can make you sick, and this is not healthy for you or the baby. Things will get done, it may take a little longer with the newborn, but that&rsquo;s okay. <br /> <br /> &bull; When you become overwhelmed, do something therapeutic that you like &mdash; such as listening to soothing music or writing. Do whatever will give you some comfort. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13578267/252970_79736_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Wednesday, January 18, 2017 12:00 AM 2 Humidifier basics http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Humidifier-basics_86765 THE respiratory systems of children are very fragile, and it is important to ensure &mdash; especially for children with pre-existing respiratory illnesses such as asthma and bronchitis &mdash; that the air they breathe is as close to optimal humidity as possible. Paediatrician at Gateway Plaza, Old Harbour, Dr Anona Griffith, says that in countries where the weather or climate causes humidity to vary, humidifiers have been known to correct the issues.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Humidity refers to the level of moisture in the air or the amount of water vapour contained in the air. Ideal levels of humidity assist with body functions such as breathing by moistening the air passages and allowing optimal functioning of the warming and filtering mechanism of the nostrils and airways,&rdquo; Dr Griffith explained.<br /> <br /> She pointed out that in tropical climates like Jamaica, the moisture content of the air tends to be higher than in cold, dry areas, and as such, cool-mist humidifiers are perfect and most suitable for maintaining optimal humidity. <br /> <br /> For colder countries, however, Dr Griffith said that warm-mist humidifiers are often preferred since they not only produce warm mist which increases moisture, but also warms the air. She noted, however, that one noted disadvantage to the use of these machines is the potential risk of burns.<br /> <br /> While some parents have sworn by the benefits of humidifiers, others have discarded them as merely a fad. Below, Dr Griffith shares medically certified benefits of the humidifier: <br /> <br /> &bull; In cases of upper respiratory conditions which produce dry airways, congestion and cough, the use of humidified air has been a tried, true, proven and documented part of treatment. <br /> <br /> &bull; Babies who go through the normal period of congestion may benefit from the use of humidified air.<br /> <br /> &bull; Asthma, allergic rhinitis and croup are some of the conditions that may benefit from humidified air.<br /> <br /> &bull; Humidifiers which add water vapour to ambient air are now easily accessible and are recommended for home use.<br /> <br /> &bull; They are portable electronic devices and are categorised based on the type of humidified air produced.<br /> <br /> &bull; Dermatological conditions such as eczema have benefited from the use of humidified air.<br /> <br /> &bull; There are humidifiers that can produce both warm and cold mist as desired.<br /> <br /> While the benefits are many, Dr Griffith warned parents that care should be taken with the use of the machines.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Too high levels of humidity should be avoided, as this promotes the growth of mould and other notorious respiratory allergens. It is important that humidifiers are cleaned to prevent the build-up of mould or other agents that could cause bacteria and hurt the baby. Also, you want to ensure that the cords are not left casually on the floor in order to prevent accidents such as the baby or even caregivers tripping,&rdquo; Dr Griffith advised. <br /> <br /> Additionally, Dr Griffith said that the decision to purchase a humidifier should be informed. She noted that if unsure of the humidifier most suited for your child, you should consult your child&rsquo;s paediatrician. <br /> <br /> &mdash; Penda Honeyghan http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/10517219/Stethoscope-2_w300.jpg All Woman Wednesday, January 18, 2017 12:00 AM 2 Study links antacids in pregnancy to asthma in kids http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Study-links-antacids-in-pregnancy-to-asthma-in-kids_86768 CHILDREN of women who take heartburn medicine during pregnancy are a third more likely to develop asthma, according to a study published recently.<br /> <br /> However, it remains unclear whether the medication itself, or some other factor, is responsible for that increased risk, researchers reported in the Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;This association does not prove that the medicines caused asthma in these children,&rdquo; said Aziz Sheikh, co-director of the Asthma UK Centre for Applied Research at the University of Edinburgh and co-author of the study.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Further research is needed to better understand this link.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> Heartburn &mdash; discomfort caused by acid passing from the stomach up into the oesophagus &mdash; occurs frequently during pregnancy due to hormonal changes and pressure on the stomach from the expanding womb.<br /> <br /> Certain drugs can block this acid reflux, and have long been thought not to affect the development of the baby. <br /> <br /> Previous research had inconclusively pointed to an increased risk of allergies in offspring due to an impact on the immune system.<br /> <br /> To dig deeper, scientists from Edinburgh and Finland reviewed eight previous studies involving more than 1.3 million children, drawing on healthcare registries and prescription databases.<br /> <br /> They found that children born of mothers taking antacids were at least a third more likely to have visited a doctor for asthma symptoms.<br /> <br /> Asthma is a chronic lung disease that inflames and narrows the airways. It frequently starts in childhood.<br /> <br /> Symptoms include wheezing, shortness of breath and coughing.<br /> <br /> More that 330 million people worldwide suffer from asthma, with an especially high incidence in low-and middle-income countries, according to The Global Asthma Report 2014.<br /> <br /> Experts commenting on the study did not challenge the link between the heartburn drugs and asthma in kids, but cautioned against jumping to conclusions.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;It may be that the heartburn in itself may be the most important association rather than the drugs used to treat it,&rdquo; said Jean Golding, an emeritus professor of paediatric epidemiology at the University of Bristol.<br /> <br /> Obesity in the expecting mother could also play a key role, said Seif Shaheen, a respiratory epidemiologist at Queen Mary University of London, noting that few of the studies took this factor into account. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13578025/252968_79733_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Wednesday, January 18, 2017 12:00 AM 2 Babies should sleep in parents&rsquo; room for first year http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Babies-should-sleep-in-parents--room-for-first-year_86767 TO reduce the risk of sudden death, babies should sleep in the same room as their parents but in their own crib or bassinet for the first year of life, US doctors said Monday.<br /> <br /> The new policy statement by the American Academy of Pediatrics still says babies should sleep on their backs, on a clean surface free of toys and blankets, a guideline that has been in place since the 1990s and has reduced sudden infant deaths by about 50 per cent.<br /> <br /> Still, some 3,500 infants die each year in the United States from sleep-related deaths, including sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) and accidental suffocation and strangulation.<br /> <br /> The main change to the AAP guidelines, which were last issued in 2011, is the specific call for infants to stay in their parents&rsquo; room for six months to a year if possible &mdash; but not sleep in the same bed.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Parents should never place the baby on a sofa, couch, or cushioned chair, either alone or sleeping with another person,&rdquo; said lead author Rachel Moon.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;We know that these surfaces are extremely hazardous.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> Experts say that urging parents to put babies to sleep on their backs instead of their bellies helped drive down the rate of sudden infant death from 120 deaths per 100,000 live births in 1992 to 56 deaths per 100,000 in 2001 &mdash; a 53 per cent reduction in one decade. That advice still stands.<br /> <br /> Deaths from SIDS have plateaued in recent years, but it is still the leading killer of babies aged one month to one year.<br /> <br /> Children may become entangled in bedding, or suffocate under bumpers or toys, get squeezed in the corner of a couch or armchair, get overheated, or simply stop breathing for no apparent reason.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;It is nothing but tragic,&rdquo; said Peter Richel, chief of the department of pediatrics at Northern Westchester Hospital, who remembers losing two patients in the past 26 years to sudden infant death &mdash; a four-month-old boy and a two-week-old girl.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Often there is nothing special to point to, other than they are just kind of taken away,&rdquo; he said.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;It is something that one never forgets.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> Other risk factors for SIDS include smoking in the home, and exposing babies to drugs or alcohol.<br /> <br /> Richel said that the new policy means doctors will have to change some of their long-held advice.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Many paediatricians will suggest that by two months of age, infants go to their own room, and with the use of a monitor so that you can hear them cry out for a feeding,&rdquo; said Richel.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;This really goes against that kind of usual advice, which is fine, because if it saves lives we are all for it.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> The new policy is described in a paper called, SIDS and Other Sleep-Related Infant Deaths: Updated 2016 Recommendations for a Safe Infant Sleeping Environment, and will be presented at the AAP National Conference and Exhibition in San Francisco.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;The most important thing to remember is that the crib should be free of all loose objects that could lead to strangulation or suffocation,&rdquo; said Robert Glatter, an emergency physician at Lenox Hill Hospital, who was not involved in the research.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;This means that a bare environment is ultimately safest.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> The AAP policy also suggests placing newborn infants skin-to-skin with the mother &ldquo;immediately following birth for at least an hour as soon as the mother is medically stable and awake.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> Breastfeeding is recommended, but mothers are urged to move the baby to a separate sleeping space afterward.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;If you are feeding your baby and think that there&rsquo;s even the slightest possibility that you may fall asleep, feed your baby on your bed, rather than a sofa or cushioned chair,&rdquo; said co-author Lori Feldman-Winter, a member of the Task Force on SIDS. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13578272/252969_79739_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Wednesday, January 18, 2017 12:00 AM 3 Photo: Belated happy birthday Sheneh http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Photo--Belated-happy-birthday-Sheneh_86766 Belated happy birthday to Sheneh Camele Wilson who celebrated her birthday on January 15. Greetings from mom Diane, dad Havasca, and sisters Sherica and Tanniel. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13578271/252966_79742_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Wednesday, January 18, 2017 12:00 AM 5 Kids' corner - January 18, 2017 http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Kids--corner---January-18--2017_85479 Write the numbers that come before and after http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13545474/250691_77348_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Wednesday, January 18, 2017 12:00 AM 5 Photo: Going places http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Photo--Going-places_86783 http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13578026/252974_79735_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Wednesday, January 18, 2017 12:00 AM 5 Signs he sees you as his future http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Clear-signs-he-sees-you-as-his-future Men are known to be logical which means they are straightforward with what they desire and treasure. Below are three clear signs that will show if he is really into you.<br /> <br /> 1. He makes you known to friends and family. Men, at least most of them, value their families and what their families stand for, so when they believe in a woman they will introduce the woman to their loved ones. A man who introduces his woman to his family and friends potentially sees this woman as his wife.<br /> <br /> 2. He ensures you are financially and emotionally secure. A man who cares if the person he is seeing as his personal woman has food on her table, a roof over her head and clothes on her back, is a man who sees a future with her.<br /> <br /> 3. He changes his lifestyle to make you comfortable. Anyone, once the reward is exceptional, will amend to reap. If he has no issues bending his ways to make you comfortable, then he regards you highly.<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13578129/future_w300.jpg All Woman Tuesday, January 17, 2017 1:46 PM 5 3 truths you need to know about relationships http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/3-truths-you-need-to-know-about-relationships The movies paint in the minds of many that relationships should go in this particular order:<br /> <br /> &bull;Man bumps into woman<br /> <br /> &bull;Man asks woman out<br /> <br /> &bull;Relationship blossoms<br /> <br /> &bull;Marriage<br /> <br /> &bull;Have two perfect children<br /> <br /> &bull;Man and woman live happily ever after.<br /> <br /> While some people do enjoy this kind of life in the same order, many fail to state the tears cried, the arguments had, and the times when they wanted to be as far as the east is from the west from their mates. Truth is, there is no perfect relationship and here are the facts you need to know.<br /> <br /> 1.You will argue<br /> <br /> You may be deep in love right now because you just met Mr Right, but at some point, expect disagreements because they will surface. And yes, he is going to frustrate the life out of you. But it is not the end of the world. It&rsquo;s simply two persons trying to figure out each other and finding a middle ground. Friction is necessary because it forces people to learn about each other and to learn to communicate effectively.<br /> <br /> 2. Complacency will set in<br /> <br /> It is normal for people to become comfortable around each other. What is abnormal and unacceptable is choosing to stay within the complacency stage. Relationships are as exhaustive as a career &ndash; to reap its reward, you must labour, and to ignore your partner is setting up your relationship for failure.<br /> <br /> 3. Your sex life will get dull<br /> <br /> You may be swinging from a chandelier now and totally enjoying it as you should, but your sex life won&rsquo;t always be as exciting as the movies portray. At some point you won&rsquo;t even be sexually excited about your partner and that is normal because you will pass that stage.<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13578109/love_w300.jpg All Woman Tuesday, January 17, 2017 1:27 PM 5 Vows: #TheMajesticUnion http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Vows---TheMajesticUnion_83766 When visa analyst at the Canadian Visa Application Centre Matthew Gayle met Danielle Forbes, media personnel at the Worship and Faith International Fellowship, they knew it was the beginning of a lifelong friendship. Indeed the friendship blossomed into something more beautiful &mdash; love &mdash; and on December 10, 2016 at Alterry Beach, St Ann, the two sealed the union. Vows meets them at the altar. <br /> <br /> Their love story, as told by Danielle<br /> <br /> &ldquo;We grew up in the same church, Members in Christ Assemblies. There was no form of interaction for several years, until one day Matthew came up to me and asked me why I didn&rsquo;t like him. That question started a prolonged conversation and we eventually became good friends. <br /> <br /> &ldquo;We were friends for several years, then he asked me to be his girlfriend in 2013. Our relationship went through many trials but we also had a lot of great moments. We both knew we wanted to get married; we just didn&rsquo;t know when was the right time. Matthew asked my father for my hand in marriage in February 2016, and he approved. <br /> <br /> &ldquo;There were two events that rocked our families later that year. My father died on February 27 and Matthew&rsquo;s mother died on June 11. These tragedies made our relationship so much stronger and made us closer to God.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;We thought about postponing our wedding after Matthew had proposed, but our families urged us to continue with our plans. We set an official date for December 10, 2016.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> The proposal<br /> <br /> The proposal was a complete surprise for Danielle. Under the ruse of a celebratory dinner for Matthew&rsquo;s best friend, Pier, whose birthday was on August 28, 2016, the three travelled to Strawberry Hill Hotel. After a lovely dinner, Matthew popped the question. A shocked bride-to-be burst into tears before finally replying &ldquo;Yes&rdquo;. <br /> <br /> The Ceremony<br /> <br /> The ceremony was the icing on the cake for Danielle, who had just graduated from the University of Technology (UTech) in November with a BA in Communication Arts and Technology. The couple, along with friends and family, gathered at Alterry Beach in Priory, St Ann for their majestic union. The opulent beach theme featured unique d&Atilde;&copy;cor colours of marine blue, yellow and white handled by Simone Muirhead and Marva Hylton.<br /> <br /> The bridesmaids made their way up the aisle to KC & Jojo&rsquo;s This Very Moment, dressed in long, marine blue A-line dresses, all made by Lois Forbes, finished with royal blue gems around the waist, gold hair accessories and jewellery and custom gold sandals by Cici Sandals. The maid of honour wore a long chiffon dress. The groomsmen all wore marine blue suits with marine blue bow ties with the best man in a yellow bow tie. The groom dressed in an off-white jacket and shirt with marine blue pants and bow tie courtesy of Enigma in Mall Plaza, Kingston awaited his bride.<br /> <br /> Danielle, stunning in a white, strapless, layered, ruffled mermaid dress with sweetheart neckline and lace bodice puchased online at Lightinthebox.com and escorted by her mother, made her way up the aisle to the strains of Christina Perri&rsquo;s A Thousand Years. She was the epitome of sophistication clutching a bouquet of yellow and white roses with baby&rsquo;s breath. The ceremony was officiated by the groom&rsquo;s father, Pastor Derrick Gayle. Throughout the ceremony, guests shared photos on social media using the hashtag #THEMAJESTICUNION. <br /> <br /> The Reception<br /> <br /> One of the buildings at the Alterry Beach was decorated with gold centrepieces, white water beads and blue LED lights for the couple&rsquo;s reception. The bridal party entered to Mark Ronson & Bruno Mars&rsquo;s Uptown Funk where the fun began with a &ldquo;kissing rally&rdquo;.<br /> <br /> Dinner, a sumptious spread by Raymond Richards followed.<br /> <br /> Formalities included toasts, the cutting of the wedding cake, a three-tiered blue, yellow and white fruit and carrot cake by Evette McIntosh-Dillon. The couple ended the night by releasing blue and yellow floating lanterns that were signed by the bridal party, and partying with their guests on the beach.<br /> <br /> The honeymoon<br /> <br /> The newly-weds spent their honeymoon at Paradise L&rsquo;Horizon located at the Mammee Bay Estate. The couple also went to Mystic Mountain in Ocho Rios and participated in all the activities. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13570237/247581_79121_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, January 16, 2017 12:00 AM 1 I am TORMENTED by the fact that she CHEATED http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/I-am-TORMENTED-by-the-fact-that-she-CHEATED_86150 Dear Counsellor,<br /> <br /> I am in a bit of a predicament, so I am seeking your help. About a year ago I discovered that my lady had cheated. We went through hell because of what happened, with several arguments and confrontations. In the end we decided to stay together as she begged for forgiveness, and to be frank, I loved her. But despite staying together, things between us haven&rsquo;t been easy. I am suspicious about everything she does, and this has caused a few more arguments. The biggest issue I am facing now is that my job has taken me to the Middle East, so we won&rsquo;t be seeing each other for a while. I hate to say it, but my lack of trust in her has made my time away a nightmare so far. Sometimes I wonder if it&rsquo;s best to just let the relationship go, but another time I feel as if we can work it through. <br /> <br /> She has said she will wait for me because she isn&rsquo;t willing to go through what we went through last time or further risk what we have, but I&rsquo;m not sure I&rsquo;ve accepted that. While I&rsquo;m away from her, it&rsquo;s hard to let a day go by without talking to her, and when I do it makes me happy. However, I am haunted by what happened a year ago. It&rsquo;s been a few months since I have moved away and we&rsquo;ve spoken about my fears, but I try not to dwell on it with her although it&rsquo;s on my mind every single day. We are still planning a life together, but I am distressed by thoughts of a repeat performance. <br /> <br /> Restoring trust in your partner who was involved in acts of infidelity is certainly a difficult and challenging thing to do, especially when you will not be around to maintain surveillance of her and her activities. <br /> <br /> Obviously, you will have a different outlook regarding your partner and no doubt your attitude will change towards her, but if you do accept her admission of unfaithfulness in the relationship, her remorse, and her desire to make amends, then you must make a conscious decision and effort to alter your thoughts and behaviour towards her.<br /> <br /> Forgiving does not necessarily mean forgetting, but it would require letting go and not rehashing the whole episode repeatedly. If you bring up the matter every time you both have an argument, then you would still be holding on and nursing the hurt. This would further drive a wedge between you both.<br /> <br /> You have also declared your love for your partner. Is it that your love has dwindled because of her indiscretion? Have you lost the desire to be intimate and sexual with her? It is not unusual to develop emotional detachment, but the more you withdraw the greater the hurt will be.<br /> <br /> If, on the other hand, you are highly suspicious and have great difficulty restoring the trust, then instead of punishing yourself and her as well, it&rsquo;s best that you have that conversation with her and decide on the way forward.<br /> <br /> In making your decision, honestly ask yourself how you would expect your partner to respond if you were the one who had committed the indiscretion.<br /> <br /> It might also be useful for you to get involved in some activity which could absorb your interest and help to curb your preoccupation with what the lady might or might not do.<br /> <br /> Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to agapemft@gmail.com; check out his work overseas on www.seekingshalom.org, e-mail powellw@seekingshalom.org. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13569770/252484_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, January 16, 2017 12:00 AM 1 &lsquo;DUPPY hold me down in my sleep&rsquo; http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/-DUPPY-hold-me-down-in-my-sleep-_85735 SLEEP for most of us is usually that restful, refreshing part of the day when we enter a state of &ldquo;altered&rdquo; consciousness with transient loss of responsiveness to external stimuli. It is a moment when the eyes are closed and there is a decrease in body movements. Yet, many individuals for various reasons never attain this fully restful state and develop disorders of sleep that can vary from one extreme to the next. <br /> <br /> One such disorder is sleep paralysis, a condition that affects many Jamaicans, and which some have linked to the spiritual and the occult when they experience it.<br /> <br /> Described as a feeling of being held down, unable to move, while experiencing visions of being attacked by often &ldquo;demonic forces&rdquo;, internist Dr Jomo James said that &ldquo;this can markedly affect a person&rsquo;s quality of life&rdquo;.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;The first time I experienced it was as a young girl. I couldn&rsquo;t move from the bed; something was holding me down,&rdquo; 44-year-old banker Verona Brown told All Woman.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;I experienced it many times after that, and my family was convinced that someone jealous of my success in school had obeahed me, so they took me to pastor for prayer.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> She said that the pastor and church members were equally convinced, and after seven days on intercessory prayers to banish the demons, the experiences stopped for a few years.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;When they returned after I got married, by that time I had sense enough to research it, and realised that it was just a sleep disorder,&rdquo; she laughed.<br /> <br /> Dr James said sleep is divided into two stages &mdash; non-rapid eye movement sleep (NREM) and rapid eye movement sleep (REM), and some sleep disorders are unique to specific stages of the sleep cycle.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Primary sleep disorders can be of two types &mdash; those that involve unusual behaviours or experiences that occur during sleep &mdash; termed the parasomnias, examples of which are sleepwalking, nightmares and sleep paralysis, and those that affect the amount, quality, duration and timing of sleep, termed the dyssmonias. Examples are insomnia and narcolepsy.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> Sleep paralysis is the sensation of being awake but unable to move, speak or react during falling asleep or awakening. Dr James said it is usually accompanied by hallucinations to which one is unable to react due to the transient paralysis as well as abnormal sensations through the body. <br /> <br /> &ldquo;Sleep paralysis has cultural connotations. It is often depicted or perceived in folklore and throughout history as demonic visitation akin in Jamaica to the term &ldquo;duppy hold me down in my sleep&rdquo;,&rdquo; he explained.<br /> <br /> In fact, according to the internist, many people who experience sleep paralysis with hallucinations have a sense of terror, particularly when they sense a menacing presence in the room while paralysed. <br /> <br /> &ldquo;Another common theme is the sensation of the body floating in the room with alien visitation and near death. The paralysis lasts from several seconds to a few minutes.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> Dr James further explained that sleep paralysis is closely associated with the REM stage of sleep, the stage where vivid dreams occur. However, he said not much is known about the exact cause or mechanism behind it, and it may occur as one sentinel event or be recurrent.<br /> <br /> Below, he lists factors that may be linked to sleep paralysis.<br /> <br /> 1. A lack of sleep<br /> <br /> 2. Changes in sleep schedule<br /> <br /> 3. Narcolepsy<br /> <br /> 4. Substance abuse<br /> <br /> 5. Sleep position usually on the back.<br /> <br /> He said sleep paralysis is diagnosed from the history or the symptoms alone and should be differentiated from narcolepsy which is genetic based.<br /> <br /> Dr James pointed out that there are no known complications from sleep paralysis and it poses no immediate risk to those experiencing it, other than being a terrifying event.<br /> <br /> Regarding treatment, he said prevention by maintaining a regular sleep schedule, not depriving oneself of sleep, and generally adapting healthier sleeping habits usually works.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;If that fails or symptoms are more severe, then medication usually in the form of antidepressants may be indicated. However, no drug has been found to relieve symptoms totally. Thankfully, most people do not need treatment,&rdquo; he said. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13569762/251146_79061_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, January 16, 2017 12:00 AM 1 I should have known my relationship was doomed when... http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/I-should-have-known-my-relationship-was-doomed-when----------_86151 LOOKING in from the outside, we often wonder why some people wait so long to walk away from an unhealthy relationship. Many of these relationships start out quite smoothly, but then something goes wrong. What was the sign in your case? This week All Woman reveals comments from readers about the moment they knew their relationships would not last.<br /> <br /> Monique:<br /> <br /> I should have known when I realised that we shared different values as far as it related to family, religious views, personal views, and financial position. I know everyone is different, but when the differences outweigh the similarities, when they become an issue and a barrier to the peace between us, I should have known it was not going to last.<br /> <br /> MD:<br /> <br /> I knew it wouldn&rsquo;t last when she started lying. She also started treating me as an option, the communication withered, and she stopped showing emotion.<br /> <br /> J:<br /> <br /> When he initiated marriage discussions before I did.<br /> <br /> Tina:<br /> <br /> I should have known it wasn&rsquo;t going to work when he was still texting and calling his ex.<br /> <br /> KW:<br /> <br /> I should have known it wouldn&rsquo;t last when I found out how much he loves to party and flirt around with other girls.<br /> <br /> TC:<br /> <br /> He was a nice guy, but too traditional for my tastes. He wanted me to do things like peel green bananas and grate coconuts, and while that would have been bearable, he refused to experiment at all in the bedroom, and words like foreplay were foreign to him.<br /> <br /> V:<br /> <br /> He was too egotistic and disrespectful. I was suffocating. It was always his way or the highway. It reached the point where I kissed my teeth and went my way.<br /> <br /> AJ:<br /> <br /> I knew it wouldn&rsquo;t work because of the long-distance relationship and our different views on mutual goals.<br /> <br /> Jody:<br /> <br /> When I couldn&rsquo;t find myself able to trust him based on his dishonesty and him not admitting to the small mistakes he made. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13569780/252485_79010_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, January 16, 2017 12:00 AM 2 Maxine Wilson&rsquo;s rags to riches story http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Maxine-Wilson-s-rags-to-riches-story_86359 MAXINE Wilson lives by the daily mantra that if she can help somebody she passes along the way, then her living is not in vain.<br /> <br /> A devout Christian, Wilson, 54, who grew up in Waterhouse, St Andrew, told<br /> <br /> All Woman that the reason for her devotion to giving back is her experience with being in need.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;I lived there until I was about 19. I was exposed to poverty, and I knew what crime was all about. I went to Camperdown, and from Waterhouse to Camperdown was a long distance and I sometimes had to walk so I knew what poverty was. My father had a little minibus and in those days it was what you called the number 8 bus to Waterhouse. He was responsible for picking up JOS workers in the morning, but the bus would give us so much trouble. We had to get up before we went to school &mdash; at 3:00 am &mdash; and push that bus to make sure it started. We pushed it down a hill in Waterhouse, and if the bus didn&rsquo;t start we had to push it back up the hill, then get back home in order to get ready for school. I knew what poverty was.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> She added: &ldquo;I was tasked with the responsibility to go to the shop to &lsquo;trust&rsquo; goods. I would go to the shop and I remember vividly one Saturday night when we went and the shop was full, the lady just looked at me and said, &lsquo;Little girl, tell yuh mother come pay the bill, me nah trus&rsquo; you nothing more&rsquo;, and that was it. We couldn&rsquo;t afford to pay the bill, so after a while they stopped giving us credit. My mom was a domestic worker and she would come home and explain to us the difficulties she had. For example, she could not sit around the table to eat. They would place a stool outside and tell her to sit out there. They never allowed her to be part of the family. Our lease was $8 per month. We owed years of lease and could not pay. We had a breadfruit tree and many days before the breadfruit was full we had to pick it and eat it; and lime leaf tea and soursop tea were what I was used to with crackers.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> But she was determined to improve her circumstances, and recounted one specific experience that really brought to life her reality and fuelled her drive for success.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;My father took me out to the square which is the intersection of Bay Farm Road and Olympic Way. He really didn&rsquo;t have the money, so he just wanted to ask one of the minibus drivers to allow me a free ride to town and then I could walk from town to Camperdown. The man drove off, almost ran the vehicle over my father&rsquo;s foot, and said, &lsquo;You think is water run this?&rsquo; That in itself, that moment, I said whatever it takes I&rsquo;m going to make that difference, work hard, go to school and make a change. I know what poverty is and I&rsquo;m determined not to walk that path. My parents tried hard, but they really didn&rsquo;t have it,&rdquo; Wilson said.<br /> <br /> Subsequently, she began working shortly after leaving Camperdown, then enrolled at the College of Arts, Science and Technology &mdash; now UTech &mdash; where she did a diploma in banking and financial services.<br /> <br /> She also holds a law degree with honours from UTech, an MBA from the University of New Orleans, and has completed two years of PhD studies in marketing.<br /> <br /> She has years of professional experience in general and credit management, delinquency control, project management, marketing, financial counselling and strategic planning. <br /> <br /> Currently the chairman of the HEART Trust/NTA, Wilson is also a Justice of the Peace, chair of the special committee set up to review operations at a number of tertiary institutions islandwide, chair of the merger committee to oversee the transfer of engagements of the National Youth Service and the Jamaica Foundation for Lifelong Learning with the HEART Trust/NTA, and also a member of the board of directors for Jamaica Youth for Christ. <br /> <br /> During her nine months at HEART she has led the charge for the customer engagement centre, the cell phone repair technician programme, occupational degree programme, upskilling programme, and absorptive capacity programme &mdash; to be launched on February 2.<br /> <br /> She has also done charitable work for the National Children&rsquo;s Home and is involved in inner-city welfare developmental work, particularly in the communities of Waterhouse and Kencot. <br /> <br /> Also the general manager of the Palisadoes Co-op Credit Union where she has worked for 21 years, Wilson was instrumental in moving the union&rsquo;s total assets from $28 million in 1996 to $1.64 billion in December 2015, and at the same time increasing the loan portfolio from $27 million to just over $1 billion over the same period.<br /> <br /> She&rsquo;s also a trained family counsellor and an honorary member of the International Society of Business Leaders and the International Risk Management Association.<br /> <br /> Presently, she is pursuing a professional certification course in risk and compliance with the International Association of Risk & Compliance Professionals. <br /> <br /> With over 28 years&rsquo; experience serving in the capacity of trainer and lecturer, she has helped to hone the skills and talents of her students in the areas of customer service management, strategic planning and development, service excellence, policy development and supervisory management.<br /> <br /> A single mother of one daughter, Aleah, Wilson doesn&rsquo;t hesitate to tell how her child has proven that God is able.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;In the first trimester I had German measles, and doctors encouraged me strongly to have an abortion as the child would come with abnormalities. I said whatever the child is going to be I&rsquo;m mentally and physically prepared. When she was born she was perfect. Today she is a third-year medical student, a devout Christian, very active in her church. It shows that God can do what man can&rsquo;t,&rdquo; she said.<br /> <br /> In her spare time she enjoys crocheting, playing dominoes, following track and field, and spends time reading the Bible, which she refers to as true nutrition for life.<br /> <br /> Guided by Jeremiah 29:11 and Psalm 91:7, Wilson is a big supporter of women&rsquo;s empowerment, and encourages women to stand up and be counted.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Sometimes we are too laid-back and allow men to take over. Some of us are not strong enough. We are making strides and can do so much more. Gone are the days we [would] sit to the back of the room. Come forward and make your presence felt,&rdquo; she urged. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13569776/252489_79008_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, January 16, 2017 12:00 AM Y http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13569777/252489_79008_reprSLD.jpg 06 2 The things you&rsquo;ll never be able to change about your partner http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/The-things-you-ll-never-be-able-to-change-about-your-partner_86154 ADMIT it. We have all wished at some time or another that our partners were malleable and that we could mould one part of them to what in our eyes is closer to perfection. But while there are some things that we may be able to change or improve about our partners, there are other things that are too deeply rooted or impossible to change. <br /> <br /> Associate Counselling Psychologist at Family Life Ministries, Benita Morrison, citing Albert Einstein&rsquo;s famous quote, &ldquo;Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed,&rdquo; has weighed in on the topic to share a list of things that you won&rsquo;t be able to change about your significant other, no matter how hard you try.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> His/her personality<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Personality is defined as a person&rsquo;s unique pattern of thinking, emotions, and behaviour. It&rsquo;s a special blend of talents, values, hopes, etc, that make each of us a unique person. So if I am a &lsquo;Type A&rsquo; person &mdash; I&rsquo;m more competitive, outgoing, ambitious, impatient and/or aggressive, while a person who is more relaxed is labelled &lsquo;Type B&rsquo;.&rdquo; She pointed out that these core personality traits are hardwired and are therefore irreversible, which means that no amount of talking or nagging will change them.<br /> <br /> His/her genes <br /> <br /> A person&rsquo;s genes refer to hereditary information which is inherited from their parents. &ldquo;This determines if your partner will be tall/short, fat/slim [as well as other physical and cognitive features]. So if your partner is going to be fat (or slim), it makes no sense harassing him/her to lose (or gain) weight, which might just not be possible,&rdquo; Morrison said. She said when hereditary issues are among your greatest concerns, you may want to learn to live with the person as he/she is.<br /> <br /> Their family or origin <br /> <br /> &ldquo;It is important that you understand that your partner is from a family, and you can&rsquo;t change that family or the relationship your partner has with his/her family,&rdquo; Morrison said. She pointed out that family would have been foundational to the development of your partner, and would have had an impact on the values which your partner now has. &ldquo;Try not to interfere with that relationship, as you could be interfering with something very dear to your partner. The sooner you learn to accept that family, the better the relationship will be with your partner,&rdquo; Morrison advised.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> His/her hobbies <br /> <br /> &ldquo;It is quite likely that these might be linked to personality, as your personality might dictate what you enjoy doing,&rdquo; Morrison said. She pointed out that if your partner enjoys a particular hobby, try to encourage and support it rather than dictate what you would like to see the person do. This, she said, might result in a very miserable partner.<br /> <br /> His/her past <br /> <br /> &ldquo;We cannot change what has happened already. The past is the past. It has already happened. It is always good to be transparent so there are no surprises,&rdquo; Morrison recommended. She noted, however, that there is no benefit in rehashing the past, especially if it is not something positive. It will only result in constant conflict with your partner. If there is a problem, deal with the issue at hand and not with the past.<br /> <br /> Morrison said that it is important to be sensitive to your partner&rsquo;s feelings, especially concerning issues that are beyond their control. <br /> <br /> &ldquo;It is important to always remember that your partner is human and subject to flaws just like you, and accepting these will help you to have a better relationship with your partner. And should this ever become difficult, remember Reinhold Niebuhr&rsquo;s quote, &ldquo;God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.&rdquo; http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13569781/251148_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, January 16, 2017 12:00 AM 3 Pregnant, with an abusive dad-to-be http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Pregnant--with-an-abusive-dad-to-be_86473 Dear Mrs Macaulay,<br /> <br /> I am currently a single pregnant woman who is seeking to obtain full legal custody of my child when she is born. The reason for this decision is that my baby&rsquo;s father cannot control himself or his anger and he cannot be civil with me. I don&rsquo;t think he should be given the opportunity to make legal decisions as regards the upbringing of my child, as I fear that it will cause total chaos in the future. He has slapped me around more than once, and when I try to be civil he either wants no part of it or tries to be difficult, which is upsetting, especially since I am pregnant. I would like to know how to go about obtaining full legal custody and what is the likelihood of it being granted to me at court.<br /> <br /> I have noted the contents of your letter and I am very concerned about the abuse, both physical and verbal, that you have received from your baby&rsquo;s father-to-be. I also note your fear for the future for yourself and your child.<br /> <br /> It is a pity that you did not take any action to legally protect yourself and your unborn child from his abuse. I refer specifically to the abuse inflicted on you during your pregnancy. This man, it seems, has no control over his temper, and he seems to believe that he can ill-treat you with impunity. So far he is correct in that regard, as you have made no attempt to report his behaviour.<br /> <br /> On the next occasion when he verbally or physically abuses you, go immediately to the Family Court in your parish and make an application for a protection order. If you live together, you should also apply for an occupation order. If your confinement date is close and you know what costs will be incurred by your medical bills and those of your baby, plus all the necessary material items for the child, you must apply for the father to be ordered to pay his share. If the child has already been born at the time of your application, and he did not pay his share of the above, you must apply for the orders I have stated above under the Domestic Violence Act and for his share of the birth costs and the baby&rsquo;s needs, and for maintenance.<br /> <br /> Also, if you are applying for the said orders after the birth, then you must also at the same time apply for sole legal custody and care and control of your child. However, I must stress to you the importance of applying as soon as he abuses you again. Or, if his last abuse was not too far in the past, you can go and make your application and stress the fact that it is a course of conduct on his part because he has no control over his anger, as he has more than once physically and often verbally abused you and you fear the continuation of this dangerous, physical and mental anguish. It is vital for you to get protection orders and (if necessary) an occupation order as soon as you can. In fact, the proof by you of his abuse and the grant of the orders upon your application will assist you in your sole custody and care and control application.<br /> <br /> You can cite, in support of your application for sole custody and care and control, the facts of his violent conduct, his physical and verbal abuse, and your fear for the future of yourself and your child. Remember that even if he does not abuse the child directly, as long as that child is present during any abuse of you, that child is a victim of that abuse also. <br /> <br /> I am, however, advising you to obtain the services of an attorney-at-law who is a practitioner in this area of the law and who will present your case clearly and strongly, and demonstrate that not only are all the orders necessary for your protection and that of your baby, but that your being granted sole custody is in the best interests of the child. From what you have stated about his persistent abuse, you have more than a good chance of success in your application for sole custody, as this will enable you to make all the important decisions about your child&rsquo;s life, development and welfare, without physical and/or verbal abuse from the father.<br /> <br /> Remember also that even if you do not live with him but you have a &lsquo;visiting relationship&rsquo;, you can apply under the Domestic Violence Act for orders for your protection and that of your baby, which will keep him away from you both. Do not be afraid to go to court to obtain the protection you and your baby need. You should be more afraid of not obtaining such orders and of him. His abuse will not diminish but will continue and escalate despite whatever promises he may make to change.<br /> <br /> Once you get the orders under the Domestic Violence Act, he will be clearly told that if he breaches any of the orders he will be arrested without a warrant and taken before the court for the judge to decide what punishment to inflict on him. He would then understand that there will be serious consequences for each of his abusive actions and verbal abusive utterances.<br /> <br /> Make sure to keep in your custody a certified copy of your orders of protection and occupation (if necessary and granted), so that if there is a breach, you can produce it to the police when you or someone on your behalf report this breach. This is an absolute necessity, because the police must see it so they will know that they can safely act as the Domestic Violence Act directs them to do following a breach of the court&rsquo;s orders. <br /> <br /> Please act as soon as you can. You have nothing to lose and much to gain.<br /> <br /> All blessings to you and your child.<br /> <br /> Margarette May Macaulay is an attorney-at-law, Supreme Court mediator, notary public, and women&rsquo;s and children&rsquo;s rights advocate. Send questions via e-mail to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com; or write to All Woman, 40-42 1/2 Beechwood Avenue, Kingston 5. All responses are published. Mrs Macaulay cannot provide personal responses.<br /> <br /> DISCLAIMER:<br /> <br /> The contents of this article are for informational purposes only and must not be relied upon as an alternative to legal advice from your own attorney<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13569771/252488_79022_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, January 16, 2017 12:00 AM 4 Tried everything to stop this bleeding http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Tried-everything-to-stop-this-bleeding_86474 Dear Dr Mitchell,<br /> <br /> I am 43 years old. My doctor says I have fibroids &mdash; the largest is 5cm. This has resulted in me bleeding for months now. I was put on the Depo injection, which made me bleed more, as well as Provera tablets, which didn&rsquo;t stop the bleeding. I was booked for surgery to remove the fibroids, but the doctors were unable to operate on me because I have a hole in my heart and they didn&rsquo;t want to anaesthetise me. The bleeding has subsided somewhat now, and I&rsquo;m only spotting. What do you suggest? At the last doctor&rsquo;s visit she suggested that I get the IUD, but I hear that it&rsquo;s painful and causes heavy bleeding as well.<br /> <br /> The use of Depo Provera (medroxy progesterone acetate) injection to control heavy bleeding due to uterine fibroids is a widespread practice which works well with for most patients. In a significant number of women there may be irregular vaginal bleeding associated with the use of this medication, especially in the first year of its usage. With long-term usage there is usually no menstrual period. This allows the anaemia and pain associated with the uterine fibroids to be controlled until surgery can be done to remove the fibroids. The use of the Depo Provera injection will not prevent the fibroids from growing and is an interim measure to control the pain and bleeding.<br /> <br /> The use of a drug called Esmya (Ulipristal Acetate) is effective in shrinking the fibroids and stopping the menstrual period. Unlike the Depo Provera injection it is taken by mouth daily for three-month intervals with a two-month break to allow the menstrual period to return so that the lining of the uterus can shed. It is effective in shrinking the fibroids and controlling the pressure symptoms associated with the large fibroids that you now have. It is effective in stopping the menstrual flow, thus allowing you to build up your blood count. If surgery is eventually done, the blood loss is significantly less because the fibroids are smaller. This reduces the complication from blood loss at surgery. <br /> <br /> The fact that you have a heart problem putting you at high risk for surgery is significant. The use of Esymya may help you to delay or avoid surgery completely. <br /> <br /> The intrauterine contraceptive device containing levonorgestrel (Mirena or Jaydess) can cause a significant reduction in the menstrual flow and the pain associated with the periods. However, it does not cause any reduction in the size of the fibroids so the pressure symptoms will still persist. The Mirena also causes reduction in the pelvic pain associated with uterine fibroids. It can be easily inserted and is definitely not painful. There may be some cramping immediately after the insertion, but this subsides within a short period of time. <br /> <br /> If surgery is still necessary, then the operation can be done after you have been seen by a cardiologist and your heart condition stabilised. There are highly skilled anaesthetists who can administer the anaesthesia skilfully either in the form of a general or regional (spinal or epidural) anaesthesia so that the surgery can be done. At the age of 43 you should consider doing a hysterectomy to avoid having to do repeated surgeries for recurrence of the uterine fibroids. <br /> <br /> Consult your gynaecologist who will advise you further.<br /> <br /> Best wishes.<br /> <br /> Dr Sharmaine Mitchell is an obstetrician and gynaecologist. Send questions via e-mail to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com; write to All Woman, 40-42 1/2 Beechwood Ave, Kingston 5; or fax to 968-2025. All responses are published. Dr Mitchell cannot provide personal responses.<br /> <br /> DISCLAIMER:<br /> <br /> The contents of this article are for informational purposes only and must not be relied upon as an alternative to medical advice or treatment from your own doctor.<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/10852765/IUD_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, January 16, 2017 3:00 AM 5 Exercise using items at home http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Exercise-using-items-at-home_86149 FOR all those who aspire to go to the gym but do not have the time or the money, there are cost-effective ways to get your desired sessions right in your home. <br /> <br /> Gisel Harrow, personal trainer at Gymkhana, said the fitness industry is always changing and getting more innovative, and as such, there are things in the house that you can use to substitute for the machines at the gym. Even though they may not be as effective, they are better than nothing.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;It&rsquo;s absolutely possible to exercise anywhere without having to commit to gym membership,&rdquo; Harrow said. &ldquo;Exercise can be done at home by utilising furniture such as a chair, centre table, bed or footstool.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> Chair <br /> <br /> Squats: Stand with back towards the chair like you&rsquo;re about to sit, legs shoulder-width apart. Lower your body towards the chair and then get back to a stand. Do three sets of 15-20 repetitions.<br /> <br /> Lunges: Stand facing the back of the chair, hold on to the top, step forward one leg at a time, and lower into a 90 degree dip, keeping your knee behind your toes. Do three sets of 10-15 repetitions per leg.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Centre table <br /> <br /> Dips for triceps: Place both hands firmly on the table with back close to the table, knees bent, and slowly lower your body below the height of the table and back to start position. Do three sets of 10 repetitions.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Elevated push-ups: Place palms on table. Position your body diagonal to the floor. Use your hands to push your body from the table. Force your body towards the table and use your hands to push your body away. Do three sets of 10 repetitions.<br /> <br /> Bed<br /> <br /> Abdominal: Lie on your back, knees bent, hands behind your head. Bring your upper body up off the bed and lower back to start position. Do three sets of 15 repetitions. <br /> <br /> There are other exercises that can also be done such as step-ups, mountain climbs and single lunges. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13569763/252483_79062_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, January 16, 2017 12:00 AM 5