Jamaica Observer http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/ JamaicaObserver.com, the most concise and in-depth website for news coverage on Jamaica and the Caribbean. Updated daily 7 days a week, 24 hours a day en-us copyright Jamaica Observer, 2011 Digging into his past http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Digging-into-his-past The past should be used to order change, offer guidance, and to set standards for the future. But how deep should you dig, or reveal? <br /> <br /> GT:<br /> <br /> Listen up ladies, the more you search for trouble, it will find you. Relax! If a man chooses to leave his past in the shadows, simply respect it and keep going.<br /> <br /> Cassandra:<br /> <br /> I am a digger! For me to fully understand a man, I need to know his history because it is within the history that I will know if I can manage him or not. If a man hides his past, I'm going to dig even more because that simply means he is hiding something. <br /> <br /> Rach:<br /> <br /> I don't like to discuss past relationships. I did once with my man and he turned around and cursed me dog-rotten. Mi nah do that ever again!<br /> <br /> Lisa:<br /> <br /> It is best you leave the past in the past because it was after my man started to tell me about his exes that I started to get jealous and lots of arguments started to happen. Right now we don't speak because of something he told me last night. Ladies, avoid talking about who you used to date and don't encourage your man to share every detail of his past.<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13730033/worker_w300.jpg All Woman Friday, March 24, 2017 5:04 AM 5 Platonic friendships http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Platonic-friendships One strong feature of intimate relationships is quality time spent together. It is important because it is where communication is most active and where a bond can be formed. But what happens when that time is divided between your partner and a friend, worse, a friend of the opposite sex? Is it cheating if you give more time to someone else other than your mate?<br /> <br /> Ryan:<br /> <br /> That&rsquo;s not cheating. Sometimes I want to chill with a sistren and nothing is wrong with that. <br /> <br /> Shaneille:<br /> <br /> I would think that my man is cheating, to be honest. It is total disrespect . I think once you're in a relationship, certain things have to lessen or be cut.<br /> <br /> Sasha:<br /> <br /> It is not cheating but it can lead to cheating so to be safe, spend more time with your man.<br /> <br /> Troy:<br /> <br /> It is not cheating but can be very dangerous if you are in a committed relationship. You want to ensure that everyone stays in their lane and to be honest, most of your time should be given to your man and no one else. If a woman tries this with me, I am bouncing out of that relationship.<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13730031/three_w300.jpg All Woman Friday, March 24, 2017 5:55 AM 5 How much is too much to compromise on? http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/How-much-is-too-much-to-compromise-on- All relationships require compromise. It is important to note this as you learn about your partner. There will be things in all relationships that each person hates about the other, and guess what? It is perfectly normal. Understand that no two persons are the same, and because of this, it is imperative that you shape your relationship on this premise as it will cause less drama for you.<br /> <br /> But while you should compromise, compromising on almost everything is dangerous as you will be taken for granted and possibly lose your identity. It is not that you shouldn't change, but don't change everything to the point where you cannot identity yourself, but only the standards and requirements of your partner.<br /> <br /> How much is too much to compromise on?<br /> <br /> Chin:<br /> <br /> Some women compromise too much to the point the man tek dem fi poppy show. Mi nah do that, mi sorry. Yes, I will bend on certain things, but mi nah bend so much mi tun idiot fi man. Mi will stay single.<br /> <br /> Andrene:<br /> <br /> There is a limit to everything in life so if a man is asking too much of me, I'd rather walk away and find another man who is fine with who I am. I once dated a guy and he had an issue with everything - how I dressed, my car, even the restaurant I chose. I knew it was our last date. Once you start going down that road, it is a deal-breaker for me.<br /> <br /> Roy:<br /> <br /> People must compromise, yes, but some women act like God - they want you to change everything you used to do and lock you in the house like pickney.<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13730020/friend_w300.jpg All Woman Friday, March 24, 2017 5:53 AM 5 How to argue effectively http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/How-to-argue-effectively Arguments will flare up in your relationship because it&rsquo;s human nature to disagree. But what is unacceptable is when every single conversation is an argument, and after all is said, there is avoidance and malice. <br /> <br /> There are steps to take in order to argue effectively and respectfully:<br /> <br /> 1. Listen<br /> <br /> Most issues could be resolved if people simply listen, and not just passively, but actively. If you truly desire a healthy relationship, you have to learn this as this will save you a lot of stress.<br /> <br /> 2. Avoid throwing something that was shared in confidence, in your partner&rsquo;s face<br /> <br /> If your man trusted you to tell you something, throwing it out when there is an argument can lead to more damage. Always stick to the issue at hand and handle that which is before you.<br /> <br /> 3. Show respect even if the other party is disrespectful<br /> <br /> It is easier said than done, but it can be done once you decide to make it happen. Two wrongs surely won&rsquo;t make a right, so if both you and your man are going at it in screaming matches, what eventually will happen is either you&rsquo;ll both storm away in bitterness towards each other, or there will be some level of abuse. Either of the two is bad. One person has to be the bigger person.<br /> <br /> 4. Agree to disagree<br /> <br /> To really sustain a relationship, you sometimes have to take the blame &ndash; they call it choosing peace over winning an argument. You have to learn to respectfully agree to disagree on certain issues that may arise in your relationship.<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13728578/argue_w300.jpg All Woman Thursday, March 23, 2017 12:05 AM 5 The unwritten dating code http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/The-unwritten-dating-code It has been said that love is no respecter of person &ndash; it&rsquo;s something that just happens. But it can get real complicated and real ugly once it goes against social norms, like when Cupid strikes the hearts of you and your friend&rsquo;s ex.<br /> <br /> Would you date your friend&rsquo;s ex?<br /> <br /> Sharon: <br /> <br /> Absolutely not! It would come off as hypocritical. It is going to also look like I was interested all along. It is really too much drama and I love peace, so I would tell that man no even if I really wanted him.<br /> <br /> Cheryl:<br /> <br /> I dated my friend&rsquo;s ex before. She gave me the go-ahead and she was genuine about it and we dated, although we never worked out because whenever we went out and she was there, it was always awkward and it created some level of weirdness between me and her. After a while, it became too much so I left it where it was.<br /> <br /> Tanya:<br /> <br /> I would never think to do that. I consider all my friends as family and their men are also family, so for me to overstep those boundaries, I would feel like I am committing incest. Totally wrong if anyone asks me!<br /> <br /> Kavel:<br /> <br /> That is a relationship and friendship code-breaker. I would never recommend people to date their friends&rsquo; ex-lovers because you&rsquo;re really signing up for trouble. I have heard people saying there are exceptions, but the reality is, this is a total no.<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13728576/date_w300.jpg All Woman Thursday, March 23, 2017 5:57 AM 5 When she threatens harm http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/When-she-threatens-harm Many of our grandmothers have taught us how to react if a man hurts us &ndash; some of these suggestions not fit for sharing. And the feisty Jamaican woman will warn her man what will happen if he messes up after she has trusted him with her heart.<br /> <br /> Guys, what would you do if a woman threatened to hurt you if you ever left her? How far would you trust her?<br /> <br /> Marvin:<br /> <br /> It has to be my personal woman for me to trust her enough to even eat from her, and even if she jokes about harming me, I&rsquo;m leaving. I won&rsquo;t be with any woman who thinks that way.<br /> <br /> TT:<br /> <br /> People joke around, yes, and I do understand that, but if a woman threatens me in that way, it is time to split. I say this from all men &ndash; ladies, once you cross that line, the man will definitely leave you. Always remember, if a man cannot trust you, that relationship is heading downhill. <br /> <br /> Trucka:<br /> <br /> Women these days are wicked, so don&rsquo;t run jokes with them. Once she threatens me, I&rsquo;m watching her. Women love to control men, so watch what they say.<br /> <br /> Audley:<br /> <br /> If she has those thoughts, it&rsquo;s best we part.<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13728574/bye_w300.jpg All Woman Thursday, March 23, 2017 5:49 AM 5 Introducing solid foods http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Introducing-solid-foods_93143 WHETHER your baby is interested in the food that you are eating or he/she is no longer showing interest in breast milk and formula, sometimes you may decide to introduce solid foods much sooner than is recommended. One of the most common items for Jamaicans, according to nutritionist and dietician Jenelle Solomon, is porridge.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;The digestive organs and excretory organs, like the kidneys of an infant, are not fully developed or functional until about 12 to 15 months of age, and this fact is singularly important when it comes to a weaning programme for a baby,&rdquo; Solomon said.<br /> <br /> She explained that the mother&rsquo;s milk is perfectly adapted to a baby&rsquo;s needs, and even though efforts have been made to develop formulas to match the composition of breast milk, even these can cause problems. This means that introducing things like porridge to your young baby can cause more harm than good.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Proteins in mother&rsquo;s milk are produced with the necessary enzymes for easy digestion and assimilation. But when proteins that have been altered, as happens to milk protein in pasteurisation (milk-based infant formulas generally use pasteurised milk), are given to an infant, the enzymes needed for proper digestion and absorption are missing. The baby&rsquo;s stomach does not produce sufficient quantity or quality gastric acids until the second year. The end result is that the complex dairy proteins are only partly digested, leaving long chains of amino acid structures undigested,&rdquo; Solomon explained.<br /> <br /> She further outlined that undigested amino acid structures can pass through the semipermeable gut and into the bloodstream, causing an immune reaction, initiating an abnormal production of inflammatory mediators such as leukotrienes, prostaglandins, histamine, kinins and auto antibodies. These will attack susceptible tissue like bronchial tissue in the lungs and pancreatic tissue which produces insulin. This, Solomon noted, predisposes the baby to allergies and sensitivity reactions of the skin, gut (including reflux), bronchial tissues, or other organ tissues.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Poor weaning encourages feeding the baby dairy milk-based formula products and other solid foods including porridge, which predisposes the baby to childhood asthma and possibly causes it; type one diabetes, and many other diseases as well,&rdquo; Solomon cautioned.<br /> <br /> Proper introduction of solid foods can begin at about five to six months. Porridge, when made of light and healthy ingredients, can be very beneficial to a growing child. But, as with every other food to be introduced, care must be taken to record the child&rsquo;s reaction to it.<br /> <br /> Below, Solomon shares a list of rules that parents need to follow when introducing foods to babies:<br /> <br /> &bull; Do not start weaning or supplementing breast milk until the baby is ready. Children introduced to solid foods before four months of age are three times as likely to develop recurrent eczema.<br /> <br /> &bull; Keep the weaning programme to single food types only; do not mix different foods. Tolerated foods can be combined later on, but not initially.<br /> <br /> &bull; Use fresh vegetables and fruit that&rsquo;s in season (organic, if possible). Juices can be made and diluted with pure water.<br /> <br /> &bull; Avoid creating allergies and sensitivities from commonly known allergens such as dairy, wheat, corn, tomatoes, peanuts, and oranges. These should be introduced much later.<br /> <br /> &bull; Introduce one food at a time, preferably four to five days apart, so that any allergic reactions can be observed.<br /> <br /> &bull; When introducing a new food, give your baby only one teaspoon the first day, two the second, and so forth, until a full serving is taken.<br /> <br /> If the baby rejects the food or an allergic response occurs, stop the food and look at what baby&rsquo;s body is telling you. Allergic reactions vary. They can include hives; flush on face, mouth, or buttocks; eczema; wheezing/asthma; runny nose; diarrhoea or constipation; fever; headache; irritability; tiredness; and abdominal pains (restless sleep, etc.).<br /> <br /> &bull; If a reaction occurs, stop offering the food, and wait one week before introducing any other new food. It may be that the offending food can be reintroduced and better tolerated later on.<br /> <br /> &bull; Never add salt, sugar, yeast (eg, Vegemite) to a baby&rsquo;s food, as these foods can lead to allergies and addictions later in life. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13725180/265625_91658_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Wednesday, March 22, 2017 12:00 AM 1 http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13725181/265625_91658_repro_bbysecld.jpg Preparing your home to welcome a new baby http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Preparing-your-home-to-welcome-a-new-baby_93142 PREPARING your family and by extension your home for a baby can be quite exciting, but it always seems as if there are a million and one things to get through. And while this might be true, clinical psychologist Dr Pearnel Bell has generated a list of tips that will ease your burden.<br /> <br /> 1. Have a family talk first<br /> <br /> Everyone who lives in your household and who will engage with your baby needs to know what is expected of them. This is no different for your spouse. Don&rsquo;t assume that he knows what his responsibilities are and how best he can assist you. He is worth more to you equipped with the knowledge on how to help you rather than being clueless.<br /> <br /> 2. Talk to your other children<br /> <br /> The children will need to know that the new baby is an addition, not a replacement. They will need to understand the importance of having fun while being quiet to allow mom and the baby to rest. Too many parents know all too well how frustrating it is when, as soon as you get the baby to sleep, a loud outburst from an older sibling wakes him or her up.<br /> <br /> 3. Spend extra time with your older child or children<br /> <br /> Since it is so easy for children to get jealous, especially when they are used to having you for themselves, note that while your newborn will need your attention, your older children may take this to mean they are being robbed of time with you or that you favour the newborn. While on maternity leave, remind your other children how much you love them. Find activities you both enjoy and help them to be a part of the experience of another life growing so they feel a part of the process and will be more appreciative when the baby comes. Include them in decisions about the newborn as well, and engage them in conversations that include topics such as the importance of sharing.<br /> <br /> 4. Accept tips from family and friends<br /> <br /> It&rsquo;s true that no two babies are the same, but it&rsquo;s also true that there are generally guidelines that can be helpful when caring for most children. Ask questions, as many as you need to, because the expertise of these experienced moms will allow you to provide the best care to your baby.<br /> <br /> 5. Clean the house<br /> <br /> A baby&rsquo;s immune system at birth is very weak. This makes them susceptible to numerous infections. In order to protect them, it is important to clean the house and get rid of as many unwanted parasites as possible that may be lurking in the corners.<br /> <br /> 6. Baby-proof your house<br /> <br /> Naturally, children are inquisitive about their environment, and since they are oblivious to the many dangers that exist, parents have to create a safe place for them. Extension cords and other appliance cords strung across a room, wall sockets, sharp edges and bits of glass are not baby-friendly. Don&rsquo;t procrastinate with these things.<br /> <br /> 7. The baby&rsquo;s room<br /> <br /> The baby&rsquo;s room should be the safest place. You should ensure that there is no hazard to your child. Create a checklist to address all possibilities. Make sure that you do adequate research and get advice from the right professionals when choosing the appropriate room colour, furniture, toys and other accessories.<br /> <br /> 8. Your support system<br /> <br /> A new baby will mean additional responsibilities, and you&rsquo;ll need the support whether there are other children in the picture or not. Don&rsquo;t hesitate to accept help from trusted family members and friends. Create a schedule to prevent overburdening a particular family member. Relatives and friends can also help with your other children so that they don&rsquo;t feel neglected.<br /> <br /> 9. Prepare for emergencies<br /> <br /> If you are alone with your older children and the baby, there are some things they should learn, such as how to use a cellphone. Show them emergency contacts that they should call, in case you might be unable to do this on your own. <br /> <br /> 10. Your pet<br /> <br /> Your pet is as much a part of your family as anyone else. Before the baby comes, let the animal be checked by a vet. Also, consider the animal&rsquo;s temperament. Is it friendly? Could it pose a potential risk to the baby? Knowing these things will help you to make the right decisions. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13726737/265634_91657_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Wednesday, March 22, 2017 12:00 AM 2 Scientists develop a dietary kit to beat baby blues http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Scientists-develop-a-dietary-kit-to-beat-baby-blues_93141 RESEARCHERS based in Toronto, Canada, were able to reduce depression symptoms associated with baby blues in new mothers by using a nutrition-based treatment to help counter chemical changes in the brain that occur during the postpartum period. <br /> <br /> Postpartum blues are a widespread phenomenon experienced by many new mothers, generally arising five days after childbirth.<br /> <br /> However, they can become more severe and lead to clinically diagnosed postpartum depression, one of the most common complications of child-bearing, affecting 13 per cent of new mothers. <br /> <br /> To counteract the mood-related effects of chemical changes in the brain, scientists developed a &ldquo;kit&rdquo; of three nutritional supplements including tryptophan (2g), tyrosine (10g) and blueberry extract with blueberry juice. This was given to new mothers from the third day after giving birth for a period of three days. <br /> <br /> &ldquo;Developing successful nutrition-based treatments, based on neurobiology, is rare in psychiatry,&rdquo; said the study&rsquo;s lead author Dr Jeffrey Meyer.<br /> <br /> The scientists found that women who took the nutritional cocktail comprising two amino acids and blueberry juice did not experience any depression symptoms, compared to mothers who didn&rsquo;t take the supplements. Those who didn&rsquo;t take the nutritional kit experienced a significant increase in depression symptoms. <br /> <br /> The kit&rsquo;s components were specially selected to compensate for a surge in the brain protein MAO-A, which arises in the early postpartum phase, inhibiting the action of three neurotransmitters that stabilise mood: serotonin, norepinephrine and dopamine. When levels of these three chemicals are depleted, feelings of sadness can arise. <br /> <br /> Tryptophan is a precursor amino acid for the mood-enhancing hormone serotonin and is naturally found in turkey, cod, salami, parmesan, parsley, pumpkin seeds, soy, milk and cheese.<br /> <br /> L-Tyrosine is another amino acid which has antioxidant properties that fight depression or anxiety and is related to dopamine levels. It is found in almonds, avocado, banana, lima beans, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds, hard cheeses and soy. Blueberry extract, rich in polyphenols, has the most powerful antioxidant properties of all fruits. Several studies have highlighted its effectiveness in combating declining cognitive function.<br /> <br /> In conclusion, the researchers suggest that, after further trials, this kind of supplement kit could one day be offered to new mothers by health care providers as a means of preventing post-partum depression. <br /> <br /> Note that the use of tryptophan and tyrosine supplements did not affect the overall concentrations in breast milk.<br /> <br /> The study is published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.<br /> <br /> &mdash; AFP http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/12081407/Needle_w300.jpg All Woman Wednesday, March 22, 2017 12:00 AM 3 Photo: It&rsquo;s my birthday! http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Photo--It-s-my-birthday-_93139 Model: Gianna Simpson http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13725183/265618_91649_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Wednesday, March 22, 2017 12:00 AM 5 Relationship ghosts you need to get rid of http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Relationship-ghosts-you-need-to-get-rid-of_92622 WE all have ghosts of our past that rear their heads at some of the most inopportune times.<br /> <br /> Often these ghosts have a lot to do with failed relationships and our inability to let go of hurt and close old wounds.<br /> <br /> But according to relationship counsellor Wayne Powell, relationship ghosts can cripple your personal growth and prevent you from living in peace and giving a new relationship your best shot.<br /> <br /> Below he shares five relationship ghosts that you need to get rid of.<br /> <br /> 1. The tendency to believe you can&rsquo;t move on without a particular person<br /> <br /> Powell said constant lowering of your self-esteem or feeling you&rsquo;re not worth it because a man left you is counterproductive. He said you should use the break-up as a learning tool for what you will not stand for in the future and what you should not attract.<br /> <br /> 2. Blaming yourself for the physical abuse you suffered<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Self-blame is one of the most dangerous forms of emotional abuse. It can stunt your growth and your ability to move forward before you even try to,&rdquo; Powell said. He added that you should stop taking the responsibility for someone else&rsquo;s deeds, seek counselling, and find other things to distract you from the hurt. &ldquo;Eventually you&rsquo;ll forget it and continue your journey of healing,&rdquo; the relationship counsellor said.<br /> <br /> 3. Holding on to past hurts and refusing to let go<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Hoarding things you have no ability to change will only make you bitter. Mentally, find the courage to break free and get what&rsquo;s yours. If you harbour these memories and do not seek professional help to rid yourself of them, you may miss out on great relationships and friendships that do exist,&rdquo; he said.<br /> <br /> 4. Re-engaging your ex sexually, even though he/she has moved on<br /> <br /> The relationship counsellor said many couples who split try the &ldquo;friends with benefits&rdquo; arrangement, but usually one party ends up suffering even more hurt. &ldquo;People say it&rsquo;s possible, but I believe that once you have sexual relations over time with an individual, you will rekindle old feelings. Now, this is someone you once had a steady relationship with, you suffered the trauma of the break-up, and you say you&rsquo;re no longer together, but you&rsquo;re still having sex. That&rsquo;s the definition of being in the lion&rsquo;s mouth, playing with fire and playing with each other&rsquo;s heart. Cut your past ties loose and move on. It will save you your dignity,&rdquo; Powell said.<br /> <br /> 5. Holding on to reminders like pictures and jewellery <br /> <br /> Powell said keeping these won&rsquo;t make the memories leave; they will only emphasise and magnify them. &ldquo;If you really want to forget him, hand back the ring, and either discard the material things you have, give them to someone else to hold, or sell them and do something great with the money,&rdquo; he advised. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13717073/264801_90917_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, March 20, 2017 12:00 AM 1 http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13717075/264801_awsecld.jpg Karen Kirlew: Doing God&rsquo;s work http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Karen-Kirlew--Doing-God-s-work_92526 SHE was recently named president-elect of the Jamaica Baptist Union (JBU), shattering the glass ceiling that had existed for centuries. But for 43-year-old Reverend Karen Kirlew, this achievement has happened in God&rsquo;s own timing.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;I am apprehensive and often wonder what it&rsquo;s going to be like. But God knows what He&rsquo;s doing. It was uncontested, and the constituents were very elated and overjoyed. People are excited, people are on the edge, and it has a lot to do with being part of history. But together the leaders of the church discern what approach to take as God instructs us, and whatever vision is to be realised we will do it together,&rdquo; she told All Woman.<br /> <br /> Kirlew, who will not assume the role of president until 2018, has been a Christian since age 14. She said that though she has always had the desire to help people and always enjoyed being in the church, this form of ministry was far from her mind.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;I was a student at the College of Arts, Science and Technology (now UTech) and I was interested in organisational management and administration. Before that I was at St Andrew High for girls and I wanted to be a gynaecologist, but I changed my mind as I didn&rsquo;t get the grades for the sciences,&rdquo; Kirlew shared.<br /> <br /> She explained that after her return to Jamaica in 1995, having left in 1994 to spend 10 months in Britain as part of a mission team, her pastor Reverend Neville Callam suggested pastoral ministry to her, which she said came as a shock. However, after much deliberation, she consented.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;He was convinced this was my calling and helped me to realise that God had a particular calling upon my life. Before, I was involved in many ways, and from time to time I wondered if there was a way to offer myself some more with the youth, adults and children of the church (as) I interacted well with each group of people. Initially I was shocked, frightened, spellbound, and I listened as he spoke for about 40 minutes or so, and didn&rsquo;t intervene. As he spoke he helped me to understand what God would continue to do. It set me on a different path and allowed me to think in a different way &mdash; one I had not considered before. Things took off from there, and by the time I applied for ministry I got the feeling this was it, because the support was there from the church community as they have to recommend you as well. It was a matter of doing what I was doing for the love of the Lord and God&rsquo;s people,&rdquo; Kirlew said.<br /> <br /> Subsequently, in 1998 she journeyed to the United Theological College of the West Indies where she embarked on her pastoral studies. After graduating in 2002 she was assigned to the Linstead Circuit of Baptist Churches to give assistance to Reverend Everton Jackson, then president of the JBU. From there, in July 2003, she was assigned to St Ann&rsquo;s Bay Circuit of Baptist Churches where she has remained until now, pastoring the St Ann&rsquo;s Bay Baptist Church.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;The experience has been instructive and has contributed tremendously to my spiritual and personal growth and development. It has helped me to understand people some more, to understand culture, where people are at, how people respond to their own needs, and how I as a pastor must respond to those needs, even if it would not be what I would do. It has brought me onto another plane, taking me from my comfort zone, and it allowed me to see how other people are and how God can use them &ndash; other people &ndash; and all of us together to be effective. I&rsquo;m also very proud of the circuit &mdash; St Ann&rsquo;s Bay, Lime Hall and Liberty Baptist churches,&rdquo; she said.<br /> <br /> Kirlew, who considers herself to be enthusiastic and possessing a generous spirit, also shared that she has a love for Christian education, teaching and training, explaining that when people are able to learn and put into effect what they have learnt, it gives her deep joy.<br /> <br /> She also prides herself on taking care of people and one day hopes to be responsible for a home for the aged or needy. Currently, she is actively engaged in her church&rsquo;s Dorcas Ministry which provides clothing for the needy, evangelism initiatives, and its women&rsquo;s federation. Before pastoral ministry, Kirlew had roles such as Sunday School teacher, worship leader, member of the youth fellowship executive, shared responsibility for putting a young adult ministry in place at her church, member of the choir, children&rsquo;s choir master, chorale, drama productions, and conducting Bible studies in church and as part of her pastoral training for ministry as a lay preacher.<br /> <br /> In her down time she enjoys spending time with her husband Raymond and 10-year-old son Dominic. She also ensures she keeps in touch with her parents and siblings.<br /> <br /> Guided by Philippians 4:13, Kirlew shared that she is not easily challenged, and believes in trying until you succeed. As a result, she also makes it a point of duty to empower the youth, women and young men in her church.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;There are real issues, and we have to meet people at their point of need and address them. Allow them to understand they have a positive role to play and can contribute positively to society and to themselves,&rdquo; she declared. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13719678/264831_90936_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, March 20, 2017 12:00 AM Y http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13719679/264831_90936_repro_sld6.jpg 06 2 The fornication conundrum http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/The-fornication-conundrum_92683 THERE are countless issues surrounding being a single Christian and having sex. People often ask how far they can go before marriage, what to do if they have already crossed that line, and especially, if fate doesn&rsquo;t dictate that a partner will be in the picture, whether all biblical rules can be thrown out the window.<br /> <br /> The latter issue is versed in scripture which explicitly states in 1 Corinthians 7, that not everyone will receive the gift of marriage; that singleness is, in fact, a higher calling. <br /> <br /> So when you find yourself in a position where marriage isn&rsquo;t on the table, or is unlikely to be, is it OK to engage in outside relationships and even have children?<br /> <br /> &ldquo;An emphatic yes,&rdquo; says 44-year-old Christian Mary M, who stepped out of the ministry two years ago to have a child by IVF.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;I was positive that I would not find a mate, ever; that I was among the persons who were not to be married. So what should I have done? Preserved myself for what? For whom? All the while denying myself the happiness that comes from having a family?&rdquo;<br /> <br /> She says she did not engage in sexual activity, but she does know of other sisters who have been intent on experiencing its pleasures and then asking for forgiveness, because they refused to &ldquo;go back to God untouched&rdquo;.<br /> <br /> Reverend Karl Johnson, general secretary of the Jamaica Baptist Union, terms this &ldquo;willful disobedience&rdquo;, and asks whether or not there was any moral standing worth disobeying that the Bible exalts us to observe. He says individuals who really think about his question will get an understanding of the answer.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;We can make mistakes, we will make mistakes, and the very scripture does assure us of how God handles all of us who fall short of those moral markers that we all subscribe to. But since we know this [fornication] is wrong, is it OK if we know we won&rsquo;t get married? That will then take us into the realm of what is our understanding of marriage, because marriage is not just legalised sex, marriage is much more than that,&rdquo; he said, <br /> <br /> It&rsquo;s a complex issue for Patricia B, now 35, who is certain that she will not marry, and is convinced that, like Paul, she is destined for a life of celibacy. But she wants children, and as a Christian is conflicted.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;I understand that not everyone will get married &mdash; the Bible says so, and I believe I am one of those people. I have accepted that. However, am I also destined to be childless, and to return to God in my virginal state? Or is it OK, since I will be among the unmarried group, to still make a push to have at least some happiness with a family?&rdquo;<br /> <br /> Johnson stands by the premise of what the scripture teaches, but holds that for non-Christians, the church cannot impose its standards on the world.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;People can choose and have chosen other ways,&rdquo; he said. &ldquo;We cannot dictate to Jamaicans, we can only urge, encourage, show another way, and pray they will come into the light with God&rsquo;s enabling and by God&rsquo;s grace.&rdquo; http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13717074/264828_90918_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, March 20, 2017 12:00 AM 3 Men sum up their competition too http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Men-sum-up-their-competition-too_92315 DESPITE whatever you may have heard, it&rsquo;s not only women who take the time to sum up their competition when they lose out to another woman. Yes, a man also gets rattled when a woman chooses another man over him.<br /> <br /> Often the jilted woman reacts more emotionally than a man in the same situation, but men also hate being rejected. A man who loses his woman to another man or fails to conquer the object of his affection will spend time trying to figure out why he lost.<br /> <br /> 1. Money<br /> <br /> Having money means a lot to most men. They want to be able to impress or take care of their women; so yes, a man wonders if his lady love chose someone else for strictly financial reasons. In fact, if this is the case, that can be a huge blow to his ego. No man wants to lose a woman to another man because he is unable to adequately provide for her. One of the worst things a woman can do to a man who thinks he&rsquo;s doing his best is to tell him she can find a better provider. It will rattle him to his core, and oftentimes will be very difficult to get over.<br /> <br /> 2. Sex<br /> <br /> Perhaps even more than lack of money, no man wants to lose his woman to another man because of sexual inadequacy. If a woman cheats on her partner, one of the first things the victim does is to visualise the image of his woman in bed with that other man. He is perpetually haunted by the question: &ldquo;Is he a better lover than I am?&rdquo; Some men will muster up the courage to actually ask, even if it&rsquo;s not a straightforward question, because they are very curious to know and want to improve even if that relationship is over. Some men will never ask. Their egos will not allow them to ask such a question. They would rather torment themselves with the thoughts, for they cannot handle the answer, if in fact their worst fears are confirmed.<br /> <br /> 3. Looks<br /> <br /> Although a lot of men strongly believe that once they have money, looks are of little consequence to women, a man does question himself about his attractiveness when rejected. Unlike women, men are better at hiding the fact that they feel threatened by a man who is physically more attractive. However, if you get them to open up, you will be surprised at how fragile a man&rsquo;s ego is. So yes, a man will sum up a more attractive man who makes him feel threatened.<br /> <br /> Having money, good looks and being a great lover are all plus factors for men, but one of the biggest mistakes men make sometimes is thinking that material things are the greatest attractions for all women. Not true. Depending on the type of woman, sometimes it&rsquo;s not about how much money a man has, or the cars and houses that he owns, that will attract a certain kind of woman. It&rsquo;s about what makes him different from all the others &ndash; how he treats her, how much love and respect he shows her, how he values and treasures her. It&rsquo;s about how much time he takes to really understand her so that he can fulfil her needs and love her right. A woman who already has material comfort will appreciate a man who comes to her with something far deeper than material things. He must speak to her soul.<br /> <br /> Marie Berbick aka &lsquo;The PR Girl&rsquo;, is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women&rsquo;s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Follow her on Twitter @thePR Girl or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13719680/264196_90935_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, March 20, 2017 12:00 AM 4 Fighting endometriosis with the right diet http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Fighting-endometriosis-with-the-right-diet_92679 AS Endometriosis Awareness Month continues, more women have come forward to share their stories of fighting the debilitating disease. Cheryl Holdsworth McKenzie, a high school English teacher, shares with All Woman how she has used diet to control the condition, and how she infuses awareness of endometriosis in her lessons and interaction with students.<br /> <br /> Holdsworth McKenzie shared that as a teen she always suffered excruciating pain before, during and after her periods, coupled with vomiting, which would result in her being absent from school for a span of time each month. She said it got so bad that at times she felt like overdosing on medication.<br /> <br /> Her condition was diagnosed at the age of 23. It was such a startling revelation and so new to her that she began to do research to try and understand what she was dealing with.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;I had bought a book called &lsquo;Listen to Your Body&rsquo;. The book told me [that] it&rsquo;s most common in white women, and I thought I had no one to discuss this with. My great-grandmother is white, so I thought OK, I got it from her side. I was placed on medication that stopped my period for 10 months and I thought after that I&rsquo;d be fine, but it came back and got worse over the years,&rdquo; she said.<br /> <br /> She said from her reading, she realised that she identified with most of the symptoms of the condition such as period pains, digestive issues, lower back pain, feeling emotional, backaches, tension in the bowels, nausea, craving for sugar, sore breasts, headaches and migraines.<br /> <br /> She added that during her eight-year tenure as a teacher, there were times when she had to leave her car at school overnight because she couldn&rsquo;t drive home, and further pointed out that in her first term at the school she was absent nine times because of the condition.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;I thought, when will it end? Why me? In 2012 I had to do a biopsy as I was taking so many tablets I started to develop stomach ulcers, and doctors were worried that it was very serious. So I didn&rsquo;t want to be on medication. I was even scheduled to do a hysterectomy, but the doctor said it was possible for the endo to come back. I said why take out my parts if it may come back? I had just met my husband and he talked me out of it because he was doing some research himself,&rdquo; she said.<br /> <br /> As a result, Holdsworth McKenzie decided to try the natural approach, which meant eliminating gluten, soy, meat, alcohol and dairy from her diet.<br /> <br /> She said: &ldquo;Now I don&rsquo;t take a sick day. My diet is now as close to nature as possible. I am eating things like aloe vera, noni, tuna plant, a lot of fruits. Sometimes I eat a whole dish of mango or apples as a meal, lots of salads. My husband and I did a raw vegan preparation class together. He&rsquo;s very supportive. Once I eat this way I am pain-free. The only time I get pain is when I veer off my diet.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> Additionally, she said her husband also attends every endo march, every forum, and is also part of &lsquo;Mendo Men&rsquo;, a Facebook group for men whose wives or girlfriends have endometriosis.<br /> <br /> Holdsworth McKenzie further stated that on the first Monday in March each year, her lessons are built around endometriosis to make young girls and boys aware of the condition.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;I talk to them about my experience, other people&rsquo;s experiences, show video clips, and a few students will say they know about it. The majority don&rsquo;t. They are then required to do a summary based on what they heard, read or saw. Additionally, I ensure that the boys understand this because they have girlfriends, they are going to have wives, and may have daughters. It attacks one in every 10 women, which means they interact with these females,&rdquo; she said.<br /> <br /> Besides that, she is also involved in Girls Code, a club for girls at Campion where she educates students about the approaches they should take towards their health, and shares how dieting has changed her life. She said that although endometriosis is not the cause of every debilitating pain, awareness will help with early detection of whatever the issue may be. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13717078/264807_90919_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, March 20, 2017 12:00 AM 4 Hubby used NHT money to buy property with mistress http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Hubby-used-NHT-money-to-buy-property-with-mistress_92755 DEAR MRS MACAULAY,<br /> <br /> My husband of over 20 years has taken on a mistress. I recently learned that he used his NHT benefits and bought property, and they are both joint tenants for the property. As the wife, do I have any claim to such property if I file for divorce or if he should pass away?<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> The Property (Rights of Spouses) Act 2004 defines property as any real or personal property, any estate or interest in real or personal property, any money, any negotiable instrument, debt or any other right or interest whether in possession or not to which the spouses or either of them is entitled. So according to the above definition, his NHT benefits fall within the term: &ldquo;or any other right or interest whether in possession or not to which the spouses or either of them is entitled&rdquo;. The Act also provides that the court may restrain the disposition of property if it is being made to defeat the claim or rights of a person under the Act, this is to say, if the disposition of the property has not yet occurred.<br /> <br /> In such a case, on an application by a person whose right may be defeated, that is to say, you, and upon notice of it being given to the other party as the court directs, it may restrain the making of the disposition if it has not been made or completed. If it has been done, the court may order any proceeds which at the time of the hearing could be payable regarding the disposition, to be paid into the court to be dealt with as the court determines and directs.<br /> <br /> The Act further says that the disposition referred to (by the way, this would among other things refer to the user of the NHT benefits) would still fall within the purview of the court.<br /> <br /> In your husband&rsquo;s case, he used it for the benefit of his mistress. In the next section, the Act provides that when the court is satisfied that any disposition of property as referred to in one of the previous subsections was made to defeat a claim or the rights of any person (you), the court may, on your application, order that the mistress who would not fall within the designation of a bona fide purchaser for value without notice, should transfer the property or any part of it to you or another person as the court directs, or that she must pay into court or to a person as directed by the court, a sum which cannot exceed the difference between the value of your husband&rsquo;s contribution and the value of the property.<br /> <br /> The Act further provides that in deciding to make either of the orders referred to above, it may make any further orders it thinks necessary to give effect to the order for a transfer or the paying of money into court or to you.<br /> <br /> So you would have to apply to the court and rely on these provisions of the Act and have the matter argued that your husband did what he did to deprive you of your right to your share of his NHT benefits.<br /> <br /> If your husband held property jointly with another person from before your marriage, then you would not have an interest in such a property, because joint property is not held in separate parts by the owners, but as a whole together. They hold the property as a whole, unlike tenants-in-common, who hold their interests in the property separately. For this to happen with jointly held property, the joint holding will have to be severed. Here your complaint will be that your husband acquired the joint property with his benefits with the woman to defeat your claim to your share. <br /> <br /> You should therefore contact a lawyer to act for you. You should not wait until he dies; you should not delay to apply for a declaration of your interest and for consequential orders to give effect to the declaration about this matter of the NHT benefits. In relation to all other properties, if you wish declarations of your interests and for partition, sale and division of your respective interests, then you must act in this regard as the Act provides that you should file your application within a year of your separation or dissolution of your marriage, or you will have to apply for the court to grant you an extension if you have an acceptable reason for the delay. <br /> <br /> Good luck.<br /> <br /> Margarette May Macaulay is an attorney-at-law, Supreme Court mediator, notary public, and women&rsquo;s and children&rsquo;s rights advocate. Send questions via e-mail to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com; or write to All Woman, 40-42 1/2 Beechwood Avenue, Kingston 5. All responses are published. Mrs Macaulay cannot provide personal responses.<br /> <br /> DISCLAIMER:<br /> <br /> The contents of this article are for informational purposes only and must not be relied upon as an alternative to legal advice from your own attorney. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13717083/264829_90920_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, March 20, 2017 12:00 AM 4 Best workouts for lazy people http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Best-workouts-for-lazy-people_92313 IN the exercise world, you&rsquo;ll find the busybodies who cannot spare 10 minutes to do a workout; the training junkies who overexert themselves; people who just do not want to challenge themselves to do more; and the lazy ones who simply refuse to get up and work out. But what this last group doesn&rsquo;t realise is that it does not take much effort to exercise for 20 minutes three times a week. <br /> <br /> Fitness trainer Rohan Gordon says there are 168 hours in a week, which equates to 10,080 minutes. This means if you do 20 minutes three times a week, you would actually only be exercising for 60 out of the 10,080 minutes. This is a very small amount of time. <br /> <br /> He said lazy people could simply apply more effort in whatever tasks they do. He recommended some simple changes that can be made, including: <br /> <br /> &bull; At the workplace, use the stairs instead of the elevator. <br /> <br /> &bull; After lunch, walk around instead of sitting and chatting. <br /> <br /> &bull; When you go out, park farther away from the building. <br /> <br /> &bull; Walk short distances to the store instead of driving. <br /> <br /> &bull; Do squats while brushing your teeth. <br /> <br /> &bull; Put more energy into cleaning. <br /> <br /> &bull; When doing chores around the house, carry a full knapsack on your back. The weight will help you to burn more calories. <br /> <br /> &bull; If there is a very young child at home, hold the baby in the crook of one arm while doing something with the other, and then alternate arms. De careful not to drop the baby! <br /> <br /> &mdash; Falon Folkes http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13717077/264191_90970_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, March 20, 2017 12:00 AM 5 Foods you should eliminate from your diet for good http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Foods-you-should-eliminate-from-your-diet-for-good_92722 EATING healthy can be quite difficult when you&rsquo;re addicted to the unhealthy foods that taste so good. But dietician and nutritionist Jenelle Solomon said while there is no one-size-fits-all diet since everyone has unique dietary needs, there are certain principles that you should adopt in order to achieve a healthy lifestyle.<br /> <br /> Below, she shares a list of some foods that you will need to avoid when making future dietary plans. These include: <br /> <br /> Trans-fats<br /> <br /> Hydrogenated vegetable oils to make products spreadable (eg, margarine) and to provide shelf stability are used at the expense of nutrition and health. For example, remnants of nickel and copper (catalysing agents) remain after hydrogenation. Partial hydrogenation, which is used to make margarine, shortenings, and some vegetable oils, produces dozens of new, unnatural fatty acid fragments, including trans-fatty acids, and some of these are toxic. So avoid all foods such as pastries, biscuits, popcorn and all other foods loaded with margarine.<br /> <br /> Trans-fatty acids alter the balance between good and bad cholesterol and interfere with the liver&rsquo;s detoxification system. They affect cardiac and vascular function; they impair cell membranes (the phospholipid bilayer), affecting cell metabolism and energy output; they allow for allergic reactivity and immune impairment, and they affect the electrical energy systems of the body membranes. They also interfere with the enzyme systems that transform fatty acids into highly unsaturated fatty acid derivatives found especially in the brain, sense organs, adrenals, and testes. <br /> <br /> Foods high in artificial sugars<br /> <br /> Sugars don&rsquo;t add value to the diet. All sugars are not made equally, and artificial sugars in particular cause more harm than good to the body. Sugars are known to be major contributors to health issues such as diabetes, Alzheimer&rsquo;s, cancer, metabolic diseases related to fat build-up, and obesity. They also contribute to the ageing process, oral health problems, and are an unhealthy source of energy. So you should pay close attention to the nutritional labels on foods. Juices and drinks, especially sodas, are high in artificial sugars. And pasta, bread, and canned foods are also packed with dangerous sugars. <br /> <br /> Sodium-rich foods<br /> <br /> Try to reduce the amount of salt that you add to your foods. Among the most common diseases causing death are cardiovascular diseases and hypertension, which are influenced and exacerbated by the levels of salt intake. Sodium is in almost every processed food, so you should try to make more foods from scratch. <br /> <br /> Junk food<br /> <br /> We need to eat foods as close to their natural state as possible. Junk food is filled with flavour- enhancing chemicals which are not only dangerous, but addictive. Some examples of these are MSG, high-fructose corn syrup, and aspartame. MSG excites the brain so much that it causes neurological brain damage, but people keep eating it because it tastes so good. A report published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition Research shows a correlation between junk food consumption and impaired reaction times. Additionally, junk food meals are rich in bad calories which contribute to the build-up of unhealthy fats and cardiac diseases. <br /> <br /> Solomon also warned against the consumption of too many refined foods, and advised that you should take special note of the source and contents of the water you are drinking. She said you should aim to drink pure water with the right pH (alkaline) level. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13717082/264806_90971_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, March 20, 2017 12:00 AM 5 Mesotherapy treatment http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Mesotherapy-treatment_92714 Dear Donovan,<br /> <br /> I have been doing some research around the topic of belly fat and have read your various articles on the topic. Are there any adverse side effects to mesotherapy treatment?<br /> <br /> It is a fact that many people are constantly looking for new and easy ways to look physically attractive. It is no wonder that the French developed a medical technique called mesotherapy in 1952. This technique is becoming more popular these days. <br /> <br /> Mesotherapy was originally used in the treatment of vascular and infectious diseases, sports injuries and to improve circulation. It involves the injection of a small amount of medication into the layer of fat and connective tissue under the skin. The theory is that the small amount of medication will melt away the underlying fat. After this fat is melted, it will be excreted naturally. Mesotherapy has been proposed for spot weight loss; for example, in the belly. However, the content of the mixture to be injected in mesotherapy varies with the specific areas to be treated. The injected substances are usually FDA-approved.<br /> <br /> It should be noted that generally, dermatologists and plastic surgeons do not understand the outcome of the mesotherapy treatment. Also, in most cases the substance that is injected is not known, and may vary from one practitioner to the next. Overall, it is not known how effective and safe the mesotherapy injections are. However, in Australia the health department had to investigate a mesotherapy salon after several of its patients developed skin abscesses on their calves, buttocks, thighs, abdomen, face and neck. In addition, one patient also developed a bacterial infection. <br /> <br /> Adverse side effects of mesotherapy are usually rare, and there have been no reported fatalities as a result of mesotherapy treatment. The main potential side effect of mesotherapy is the risk of severe skin infection. This usually occurs when the procedure is done in an unhygienic environment. Another potential side effect is a burning sensation. This is usually due to the ingredients working on fat. In addition, other more prevalent side effects of mesotherapy include the appearance of bruises and swelling at the site of the injection.<br /> <br /> We will answer your weight-related questions<br /> <br /> Are you struggling to lose weight or just need some advice on living a healthier life? Tell us about your health issues and we&rsquo;ll have nutritionist and wellness coach Donovan Grant answer them for you. Grant has over 12 years&rsquo; experience in the fitness industry and is the owner of DG&rsquo;s Nutrition and Wellness Centre, 39 Lady Musgrave Road. Call him at 876-286-1363. E-mail questions to clarkep@jamaicaobserver.com.<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13721614/ZZ57035AE5_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, March 20, 2017 12:00 AM 5 Performance anxiety in women http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Performance-anxiety-in-women_92704 THOUGH infrequently talked about, performance anxiety sometimes affects women, although perhaps on a smaller scale than men. Sex therapist Dr Sydney McGill says that while there may be medical reasons for this condition, there are ways in which partners can help each other to surmount this daunting sexual hurdle. <br /> <br /> &ldquo;Performance anxiety covers a person&rsquo;s preoccupation with the idea that they will fail to please their partner sexually. They also begin to worry about things such as loss of self-esteem as well as fear about how a partner will view them. This challenge greatly affects men, especially since there is a certain expectation of men, as well as since their failure is also more easily noticed,&rdquo; Dr McGill told All Woman. <br /> <br /> He noted that for men, premature ejaculation can be either medical or psychosomatic, and is treatable in most cases.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;The problem can range from mild (where the man is able to have some level of control over how long it takes for him to ejaculate &mdash; usually up to two minutes &mdash; to severe, where he ejaculates before he is able to penetrate the vagina. Some men with the problem become frustrated, and although they desire sexual intercourse, tend to have erectile problems,&rdquo; Dr McGill explained. <br /> <br /> In women, on the other hand, it&rsquo;s difficult for many to achieve an orgasm, and sometimes trying too hard can cause the body to respond in a way that makes it more difficult, added to the release of stress hormones that cause tensing up.<br /> <br /> How do couples get past these challenges?<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Well, first of all, couples need to reassure their partners that their relationship means more to them than being able to hold an erection or achieving a climax. Also, another fundamental point is knowing that your partner will not use your sexual challenges to judge you or think that you are less of a man or a woman because of your shortcomings,&rdquo; Dr McGill explained. <br /> <br /> He said that you can also set the mood for your partner, and explore things that will reduce or ward off anxiety. Additionally, if your partner&rsquo;s anxiety has affected sex, never turn away or make rude comments, but be supportive.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Exercise patience with your partner. Don&rsquo;t rush them. In time when they have overcome their challenges it will be easier for them to get in the game, but while you work through the challenges, it pays to judge his or her pace and to feed off his or her energy, because allowing them to work from a place of comfort is likely to reduce anxiety,&rdquo; Dr McGill advised.<br /> <br /> He said an important part of a sex life free of performance anxiety is knowing that each partner is equally responsible for sexual happiness. So men should not feel they have to put on a big show, and the same should be true for women. Also, if there is a need for professional intervention where the problem is assumed to be severe, then support should be given to the affected partner. This will be important for his or her recovery. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13717095/264804_90972_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, March 20, 2017 12:00 AM 6 New girl wants to know her status http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/New-girl-wants-to-know-her-status_92312 DEAR COUNSELLOR,<br /> <br /> My recent girlfriend of 10 months asked me if I love her more than I loved my ex-girlfriend of six years. I was with my ex from age 16 to 22. I am now 29. I have made it very clear that I have no desire to be with my ex and do not love her. If I had the chance to do it all again and for us to break up for me to meet this new girl, then I would.<br /> <br /> My new girlfriend and I have been together for a short time, mostly long-distance. Am I wrong to feel that we are still new? I have told her that I want our love to grow and that I really see a future with her. I have never seen a future with anybody else, and I take this relationship very seriously. Please reply as quickly as possible, as her feeling of insecurity is killing us.<br /> <br /> There is a natural tendency for the new girlfriend/boyfriend to compare him/herself with the previous person. They want to be convinced that there was closure on the previous relationship and that they will not have to compete for first place. <br /> <br /> It is true that in some former relationships, even though they are terminated, the door is not locked but just closed, and so each partner still has unencumbered access to the other.<br /> <br /> Regarding your former girlfriend, are you still communicating with her? If so, on what level? Are you both linking with each other regularly? Has she moved on, even though you might have?<br /> <br /> One of the challenges you have is that you seem to be navigating a long-distance relationship, which complicates matters. It means that every moment you get you must keep reassuring your lady that she is indeed number one. You should use the technology to good effect and remain in close contact with her. Whenever you meet face to face, make those occasions very special. Be creative and innovative, cementing the relationship along the way.<br /> <br /> Is there a short, mid, or long-term plan for both of you to be together? She will need to be reassured that the present situation will not continue indefinitely. You can appreciate her sense of insecurity in the relationship when she is only with you for short intervals. In her absence, she probably feels that you could be in touch with your ex who would have the edge, having known you much longer.<br /> <br /> Trust and honesty must be the hallmark of the relationship. You must be honest with her and she must trust you. You must work twice as hard to secure this relationship, so give her no reason to distrust you and remain committed to the growth and development of the relationship. <br /> <br /> Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to agapemft@gmail.com; check out his work overseas on www.seekingshalom.org, e-mail powellw@seekingshalom.org.<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13717094/264835_90973_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, March 20, 2017 12:00 AM 6 Pregnancy after a C-Section http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Pregnancy-after-a-C-Section_92754 Dear Dr Mitchell,<br /> <br /> How soon after a C-section can one get pregnant again and deliver a healthy baby?<br /> <br /> A caesarean section is sometimes done as an emergency intervention, or it may be done as a planned procedure. Depending on the indication for the caesarean section, it might be necessary to do another C-section for all subsequent deliveries. Some women can deliver vaginally after a previous caesarean section if the indication for the first section is not a recurrent one, and if there are no contraindications to vaginal delivery. <br /> <br /> It is ideal to have proper pregnancy spacing between each baby to allow time for the growth and development of the infant before bringing another baby on board. In addition, the woman&rsquo;s body needs to heal and repair itself properly before another pregnancy. <br /> <br /> Straightforward pregnancies have occurred and babies have been successfully delivered within one year of a previous C-section without any complications. The risk, however, is that of a ruptured uterus, especially if the type of C-section was a classical one. In this situation the incision in the uterus is done in the upper body of the uterus in the midline instead of the lower segment of the uterus. A classical caesarean section is done if there are problems such as large fibroids in the lower segment of the uterus, placenta previa (placenta lying in the lower segment of the uterus), or if the foetus is in a transverse lie, rendering delivery difficult. In some cases of extreme prematurity, the lower uterine segment is not well formed and a classical caesarean section is done. The risk of uterine rupture is greater than that associated with a prior lower-segment C-section delivery.<br /> <br /> It is ideal to wait at least one year before conception and to have at least two years between the deliveries to reduce the risk of complications. If you have had a classical caesarean section, you absolutely should have a repeat caesarean section for all subsequent deliveries. If you have had a lower-segment caesarean section, then delivery can be done vaginally once there are no contraindications, since the risk of uterine rupture is significantly reduced. <br /> <br /> It is important to ensure that your blood count is good in subsequent pregnancies by taking iron supplements and eating an appropriate diet containing iron-rich foods, since the blood lost from repeat surgery is usually significantly greater. Consult your doctor who will advise you further. <br /> <br /> Best wishes.<br /> <br /> Dr Sharmaine Mitchell is an obstetrician and gynaecologist. Send questions via e-mail to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com; write to All Woman, 40-42 1/2 Beechwood Ave, Kingston 5; or fax to 968-2025. All responses are published. Dr Mitchell cannot provide personal responses.<br /> <br /> DISCLAIMER:<br /> <br /> The contents of this article are for informational purposes only and must not be relied upon as an alternative to medical advice or treatment from your own doctor.<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13717091/264830_90966_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, March 20, 2017 12:00 AM 6 AW Fashion: All In A &lsquo;Row&eacute;&rsquo; http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/AW-Fashion--All-In-A--Row--_92224 Mid-afternoon dives from his yacht or sunset respites by the infinity pool would be a fair expectation of Andre Row&Atilde;&copy;&rsquo;s man of leisure as the eponymous designer unveiled his latest resort collection of breezy knits and tailored swimwear &mdash; at times structured, at others, snug &mdash; for 2017. AW: Fashion creates a vision board from the atmospheric lookbook, and goes front and centre at The Haven on Hillcrest Avenue for the big reveal. <br /> <br /> PHOTOS: ANTONIO GRAHAM <br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13721629/263753_91034_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, March 20, 2017 12:00 AM 7 New IPU and UN Women map shows women&rsquo;s representation in politics stagnating http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/New-IPU-and-UN-Women-map-shows-women-s-representation-in-politics-stagnating2017-03-17T09-33-00 BRIDGETOWN, Barbados &ndash; While Dominica, Grenada and Trinidad and Tobago are among the countries in the Caribbean and Americas region where women ministers are nearing or exceeding the gender parity position of 30 per cent of representatives, the number of women in executive government and in parliament worldwide has stagnated, with only marginal improvements since 2015, according to the data presented in the Women in Politics 2017 Map launched by the Inter-Parliamentary Union (IPU) and UN Women. <br /> <br /> The map, which depicts global rankings for women in the executive and parliamentary branches of government as of 1 January 2017, shows slow progress towards gender equality in these areas at regional and national levels. The presentation took place at a joint IPU-UN Women press conference in New York, in the context of the ongoing session of the Commission on the Status of Women (CSW61). <br /> <br /> Women&rsquo;s political empowerment and equal access to leadership positions at all levels are fundamental to achieving the Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs) and a more equal world. With limited growth in women&rsquo;s representation, advancement of gender equality and the success of the SDGs are jeopardised. <br /> <br /> The 2017 edition of the map shows a slight drop in the number of countries with a woman head of state and/or head of government from 2015 figures (from 19 to 17). However, the data reveals a significant increase in the number of countries with a woman head of state and/or head of government since the IPU-UN Women map&rsquo;s first edition in 2005 (from 8 to 17). <br /> <br /> Progress in the number of women members of parliament worldwide continues to be slow. IPU data shows that the global average of women in national parliaments increased just slightly from 22.6 per cent in 2015 to 23.3 per cent in 2016. Women speakers of parliament have however significantly increased in number, now at an all-time high of 19.1 per cent, but obviously still far from gender balance. <br /> <br /> &ldquo;These developments show that progress in gender equality remains slow in all structures of power and types of decision-making. Power is still firmly in men&rsquo;s hands, and although we have witnessed some positive trends&mdash;for example, the current record number of 53 women speakers of parliament out of 273 posts, globally&mdash;much remains to be done if women are to play on a level field with men,&rdquo; said IPU Secretary-General Martin Chungong. &ldquo;Equal representation in positions of power is a fundamental precondition for truly effective and accountable democracy.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> The number of women ministers barely changed, rising to a total of 732 (compared to 730 in 2015); women&rsquo;s participation at the ministerial level now stands at 18.3 per cent. <br /> <br /> The top five countries with the largest share of women ministers are in Europe and the Americas. Bulgaria, France, Nicaragua, Sweden and Canada have surpassed the 50 per cent mark of women in ministerial positions. These results can be largely attributed to a clear political commitment at the highest decision-making level&mdash;both France and Canada&rsquo;s leadership have committed to parity in government&mdash;and to a genuinely gender-sensitive political culture. Sweden has the world&rsquo;s first self-proclaimed feminist government, and Bulgaria has seen an overall increase in women&rsquo;s participation and decision-making in all spheres of power in public and private sectors, both nationally and internationally. <br /> <br /> By contrast, Finland and Cabo Verde&mdash;which in 2015 had high rates of women ministers, ranking first and second, respectively&mdash;fell significantly behind. Finland saw a dramatic decline in women ministers in 2017, dropping from 62.5 to 38.5 per cent. Cabo Verde, normally a high-flyer, fell from 52.9 to 25 per cent (a 52.8 per cent loss of its share of women cabinet members).<br /> <br /> &ldquo;These data powerfully tell the story of the persistent missing voice of women,&rdquo; said UN Women Executive Director Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka. &ldquo;We can see that over time, the overall proportions of women in politics are changing for the better, although certainly not fast enough. However, the overall stagnation and specific reversals are warning bells of erosion of equality that we must heed and act on rapidly. The drive to protect women&rsquo;s rights and achieve substantive equality for women in leadership will take joint action across parliaments, governments, civil society and international organizations. This must include the repeal or amendment of existing discriminatory laws, and the support of women in all forms of representation, including at the highest levels of government.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13716754/parliament_w300.jpg All Woman Friday, March 17, 2017 11:16 AM 5 New IPU and UN Women map shows women&rsquo;s representation in politics stagnating http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/New-IPU-and-UN-Women-map-shows-women-s-representation-in-politics-stagnating BRIDGETOWN, Barbados &ndash; While Dominica, Grenada and Trinidad and Tobago are among the countries in the Caribbean and Americas region where women ministers are nearing or exceeding the gender parity position of 30 per cent of representatives, the number of women in executive government and in parliament worldwide has stagnated, with only marginal improvements since 2015, according to the data presented in the Women in Politics 2017 Map launched by the Inter-Parliamentary Union (IPU) and UN Women. <br /> <br /> The map, which depicts global rankings for women in the executive and parliamentary branches of government as of 1 January 2017, shows slow progress towards gender equality in these areas at regional and national levels. The presentation took place at a joint IPU-UN Women press conference in New York, in the context of the ongoing session of the Commission on the Status of Women (CSW61). <br /> <br /> Women&rsquo;s political empowerment and equal access to leadership positions at all levels are fundamental to achieving the Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs) and a more equal world. With limited growth in women&rsquo;s representation, advancement of gender equality and the success of the SDGs are jeopardised. <br /> <br /> The 2017 edition of the map shows a slight drop in the number of countries with a woman head of state and/or head of government from 2015 figures (from 19 to 17). However, the data reveals a significant increase in the number of countries with a woman head of state and/or head of government since the IPU-UN Women map&rsquo;s first edition in 2005 (from 8 to 17). <br /> <br /> Progress in the number of women members of parliament worldwide continues to be slow. IPU data shows that the global average of women in national parliaments increased just slightly from 22.6 per cent in 2015 to 23.3 per cent in 2016. Women speakers of parliament have however significantly increased in number, now at an all-time high of 19.1 per cent, but obviously still far from gender balance. <br /> <br /> &ldquo;These developments show that progress in gender equality remains slow in all structures of power and types of decision-making. Power is still firmly in men&rsquo;s hands, and although we have witnessed some positive trends&mdash;for example, the current record number of 53 women speakers of parliament out of 273 posts, globally&mdash;much remains to be done if women are to play on a level field with men,&rdquo; said IPU Secretary-General Martin Chungong. &ldquo;Equal representation in positions of power is a fundamental precondition for truly effective and accountable democracy.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> The number of women ministers barely changed, rising to a total of 732 (compared to 730 in 2015); women&rsquo;s participation at the ministerial level now stands at 18.3 per cent. <br /> <br /> The top five countries with the largest share of women ministers are in Europe and the Americas. Bulgaria, France, Nicaragua, Sweden and Canada have surpassed the 50 per cent mark of women in ministerial positions. These results can be largely attributed to a clear political commitment at the highest decision-making level&mdash;both France and Canada&rsquo;s leadership have committed to parity in government&mdash;and to a genuinely gender-sensitive political culture. Sweden has the world&rsquo;s first self-proclaimed feminist government, and Bulgaria has seen an overall increase in women&rsquo;s participation and decision-making in all spheres of power in public and private sectors, both nationally and internationally. <br /> <br /> By contrast, Finland and Cabo Verde&mdash;which in 2015 had high rates of women ministers, ranking first and second, respectively&mdash;fell significantly behind. Finland saw a dramatic decline in women ministers in 2017, dropping from 62.5 to 38.5 per cent. Cabo Verde, normally a high-flyer, fell from 52.9 to 25 per cent (a 52.8 per cent loss of its share of women cabinet members).<br /> <br /> &ldquo;These data powerfully tell the story of the persistent missing voice of women,&rdquo; said UN Women Executive Director Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka. &ldquo;We can see that over time, the overall proportions of women in politics are changing for the better, although certainly not fast enough. However, the overall stagnation and specific reversals are warning bells of erosion of equality that we must heed and act on rapidly. The drive to protect women&rsquo;s rights and achieve substantive equality for women in leadership will take joint action across parliaments, governments, civil society and international organizations. This must include the repeal or amendment of existing discriminatory laws, and the support of women in all forms of representation, including at the highest levels of government.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13716754/parliament_w300.jpg All Woman Friday, March 17, 2017 11:16 AM 5