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First comes baby…

By Miss Kes

Tuesday, October 03, 2017


Traditionally, it is expected that a man will ask for his woman's hand in marriage, have an amazing wedding, then will come the children.

But unfortunately, this ideal doesn't exist for the majority of the population, and in many cases, babies are usually the instigation for the marriage journey, or lack thereof.


My husband and I met in college and I became pregnant in my second year. I kept the baby and we got engaged a year after I left college, then we got married and had another child. Sometimes life doesn't really go the way you really want, but most times it works out in your favour. When I found out I was pregnant my parents almost killed me because they are both religious, but they saw that he stuck by my side and now we are married and doing well.


I got pregnant for my ex and I thought if I had his baby, he would settle down and see me as a wife. But the moment I showed him the pregnancy test he was out of that relationship. It cut me so deeply that I still cry about it. I gave this guy my entire life and loyalty. That's life still. He is married now and is having babies with his wife, and totally ignores the one he has with me.


Ideally, a woman should wait for marriage before she thinks about having children but life can throw some shade on that little dream. That was my life. I have always desired a life where I'd get married first and then have kids, but unfortunately I got pregnant and shortly after the guy proposed to me. Then he died some months after. I am still depressed about it even though I have moved on. I still seek counselling because it seems like a fresh wound whenever I talk about it.


Many women have their babies before marriage and most of the men they get married to are not even those they had the babies for. So I don't see the big deal. It is life and things happen.