The 'going back' cycle

By Miss Kes

Tuesday, July 24, 2018

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It always feels safe sticking to what you know, rather than trusting the unknown, and so many people continue a cycle of toxic relationships because they fear what else is out there.

Some are aware that the relationship they're in isn't right for them, but fear speaks louder than bravery and so instead of walking away and staying away, they walk away but return soon after.

Below a few women share why they were deeply webbed into a cycle of toxicity, and how they escaped it.


I spent 11 years in a marriage that gave me no love, no peace, not even sex. My ex-husband would beat on me all the time, even in front of our children, but what hooked me was that I was unemployed and I got used to being a housewife. And so I never wanted to leave the marriage and then have to find a way to provide because he was the breadwinner and he really was making a lot of money being part of an executive team for a well-known firm. But on my birthday he took me out and got jealous because I saw a guy I'd met in college and chatted to him for a few seconds. He pulled his licensed firearm on me in the car on our way home and that was when I decided that if he didn't kill me, I would walk away and that I did. It was hard at first but I am now working and I am free.


My ex-husband was cheating on me non-stop, and I stayed, until I became tired of strange women turning up at my yard with babies that he wasn't taking care of, and I decided to end it. I was tired of forgiving him and nothing was changing, and I realised how many years I had sat in that and wasted my life. I am now engaged and I couldn't be happier. I realise that once you let go of what's wrong in your life, then the right things will happen.


My ex was a stalker and I mean a serious one. He would pay people to watch me and I thought this was crazy but I was fearful to walk out on him because I thought he would have me killed and that was the period when men were killing their women in Jamaica like crazy. But then I stood up in front of him and told him I was done and he pulled his weapon on me, but I told him to go ahead. Looking back at it I was really brave but I did what I had to do to escape because I just couldn't take it anymore.


I changed my phone number and address and he got the point that I was over the fighting and cheating and him speaking to me like I was nothing but garbage, even in public. I found my worth after he knocked out my tooth and decided that was it, I was done and I meant it.


After a while, your cup just runs over and you just decide as a woman that you have had enough of the games.

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