"Tis strange, but true; for truth is always strange; Stranger than fiction." Lord Byron, Don Juan

EVERY story in the boss-employee scenario has at least three sides: the employee's; the supervisor's and the truth. How many horror stories have you heard (or told) starring, not Freddie Krueger himself, but an employee whose very nature seemed to have been transformed the moment the obligatory three months probationary period came to an end and the employment deal was sealed? Organisations have been brought low and many a supervisor have come within steps of being carted off by relatives to that nice 'big house' in East Kingston all because of the handiwork of these workplace fiends. So, how do you deal with these seemingly demon-possessed beings? I have a few communications tips that might help to make their tenure (and yours) go a little smoother.

The Storyteller: If you are like me, you would have worked with several organisations over the span of your work-life. Undoubtedly you would have met this employee, a most remarkable type, who seemed to have missed his place in the annals of history, via the Guinness Book of Records, by the 'skin of his teeth'. The storyteller is the employee who will not only give you a basket to carry water, but make you believe that said liquid is finely aged wine. Explanations for lateness or absences, brings out the utmost creativity in them as they describe an elaborate chain of mishaps and events, which might very well send you, the boss, into months of severe depression, requiring deep therapy when you hear their sad tales of woe. Incomplete assignments or missed deadline for a project? It is here that they go for the big guns. Aesop and his feeble fables, have nothing over this 'master weaver of tales'. His bag of excuses and tales is deep and wide. Sometimes all you can do is stop and stare open-mouthed while the enchanted stories being told.

A suggestion from my colleagues who are frequent victims of this employee, is to record each tale in writing during the conversation. It is, they say, not always necessary to write word for word what you are being told, but to just make a note of key words and responses. This is the antidote because while these storytellers love to tell tall tales, they abhor hearing it being told back to them by amateurs (i.e. us). Further, they seem to have an innate fear of their words coming back to haunt them. So, write it down and do not be afraid to remind them periodically of their stories.

The Informer/Gate-Keeper: The details of this responsibility is written nowhere in this employee's job description, but she has taken on this task with the passion of a soldier going to war. As a matter of fact, this employee missed her true calling and stands in line, well trained to work as an undercover informant for the CIA, the FBI or any secret service related entity. She knows everyone's whereabouts, what they are doing to whom, when and where, and most importantly why. She tends the grapevine with such gentle, loving care and without any regard for the pain her gardening skills have caused her workmates. She is a gossip and positions herself to hear snippets of a conversation from which she creates a bulletin which eventually finds itself on WikiLeaks. Gracious me. Meanwhile, her life story is forbidden and underwraps. The cure for this miscreant is simple: either speed off in the opposite direction when you see her coming or ensure that she gets only legitimate information to spread. Make sure that she gets to see the information from management meetings, retreats or any such big wig powwows before it goes public. Give her the sense of importance she thinks she deserves by making her information royalty. The Queen of Company News, the ' it-girl' for inside information that is really shortly to be made public. You will find that after a while she will lose interest as quickly as an infatuated lover, the thrill being gone.

The Saboteur: This is a dangerous devil who is better suited for employment in war-torn regions such as Afghanistan, where they can be disguised as shepherd or perhaps the sheep. An international person of mystery, he thrives on intrigue and secrecy, the endgame being to get the boss's job. It matters not that he neither has the experience, the ability or know-how, those minor factors are no deterrents. He will go behind your back and undo what you have done, subtly, feigning ignorance or if push comes to shove he will take lessons from the Storyteller to confuse issues of policy and procedure. It is not uncommon to see ST (storyteller) and TS (the saboteur) conferring. Be afraid, be very afraid, they are plotting to take you down — and fast. This type of employee hates the light of day — so call them out on every occasion. Always put them on the spot, giving them space to extol to the rest of the team the extent of their knowledge on various aspects of the company's products. You will find that they are sadly lacking in the knowledge department when asked questions that are within their current pay grade, much less the one to which they so wickedly aspire.

Unfortunately, these few column inches are not enough to describe the workplace demons that inhabit our cubicles. Luckily for us however, there are angels who also dwell therein.

Yvonne Grinam-Nicholson, (MBA, ABC) is a Business Communications Consultant with ROCommunications Jamaica, specialising in business communications and financial publications. She can be contacted at: yvonne@rocommunications.com. Visit her website at www.rocommunications.com and post your comments.

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