We rushed out to greet my husband with the news: we were going to collect a lost puppy. The puppy had appeared at a friend's house and was near starving, and had a wound infested with maggots. The puppy needed a vet. Despite the fact that my husband is no dog-lover, he agreed to come. We took my car. As we approached my friend's carport and I saw the puppy, and turned to look at my husband. His mouth was open and a look of horror took over his face. I had neglected to mention one small detail - the puppy was a Great Dane and already the size of a small horse.

We loaded the Great Dane into the back of my station wagon. It was so large its head over into the back seat where my children sat. My daughter turned her nose up at this slobbering monstrosity, placed her thumb in her mouth and gazed out the window. My husband, unable to kick me out of my car (I think ahead), sat thinking about custody, division of assets, or whether this was a case for annulment! My ever-faithful son repeated happily, "Hulloo, Puppy!" and I drove around Kingston trying to find a vet, without success. So having bought a collar and some medicine, we returned home and were faced with one slight problem: the giant pooch liked being in the car and we could not get him out. I tugged at his new leash, my son and daughter called and beckoned, my helper rather helpfully laughed hysterically at me, and my husband shook his head, mumbling something about how much the albatross was going to eat. We ran through a number of possible names to entice him, then my husband offered, "Marmaduke" and with one swift tug, the mammoth stepped out of the car, only to devour a huge bowl of food.

The vet took pity on me when I called. I could not get the dog in the car again and like the mountain to Mohammed, the vet and his wife came to us. While the vet tended to Marmaduke's woes, I questioned the vet's wife about what I was to do with this beast. She suggested that I call all the vets and informed me that many dogs get lost at this time of the year because of the fear of fireworks. Having spent many recent evenings enjoying some spectacular firework displays, I knew what she meant. The fireworks, clappers, and gunshots the night air of Kingston would certainly be a noisy and frightening place for a timid giant like Marmaduke.

I made a call to the Police Community Relations who confirmed my suspicion that the use of fireworks, clappers and discharging your firearm without threat to your life or property are all illegal. Yet clearly, throughout this Christmas, there has been a festival of illegality as clappers are sold more readily and openly in the streets than newspapers. The night sky is lit with firework displays put on by uptown households, and Marmaduke was scared out of his wits and home.

As the New Year approaches, perhaps we could make a resolution to be law-abiding citizens. However, I was once told not to make resolutions that you won't keep, and it is not likely that we will keep that one, mostly because we have an incredible ability to rationalise all our indiscretions: "everyone else does it", or "life is so difficult here and we have to survive" and besides "our politicians are crooked". Somehow this is even extended to the essential use of firecrackers!

Recently, the minister of finance announced increased tax on lottery winnings. The tax was delayed and delayed and now it has been lifted because it adversely affected sales. The minister would also be well-advised not to make resolutions that he cannot keep as it hurts his credibility. At least, the gaming interests did not block the roads this time. Although, I'm sure they blocked a few figurative roads! I have little sympathy for these multi-billion dollar companies. I assure you that the high cost of taxes on the items I sell adversely affect my sales. Yet somehow lottery sales have become something our government sees the need to protect, and not discourage, despite the detrimental effects on its customers.

What is particularly unfair about Jamaica's lawlessness is the fact that there are some who do obey the laws. My stepson was always left out of the fun at Christmas as he was not allowed to buy or use clappers. Businesses that pay taxes are subjected to a bureaucratic nightmare as taxes are paid to HEART, NIS, NHT, PAYE, GCT, and there's education tax and more. Yet, others just don't pay. Those who don't pay make super profits and can lower prices and attract more customers, all with an easy conscience as they argue taxes just end up in corrupt pockets. I suggest that Minister Davies add a "Corruption Tax" to the long list, so businesspeople can just avoid that one if they dare, and he might be able to service his debt or, better yet, improve the country with the taxes he is finally able to collect.

So, no doubt 2004 will be another year of flagrant disregard for the law, poor enforcement for existing laws, and another year of those who play by the rules being shafted. Certainly, laws that the government has no intention of enforcing should be abolished, so that gradually our citizens can regain respect for our laws and our law enforcers. If leaders feel that clappers should not be in Jamaica then they need to start making some changes, do some investigating, find out the importers and make some arrests. If not make them legal. And I can invest in some size XXL earmuffs for old Marmaduke for next Christmas!

Oh and by the way, if you or someone you know is missing a dog that is easily mistaken for a giraffe, please contact me I will happily return the gentle giant and his equally large but ferocious appetite!

The Audacity of Art

Marjorie Whylie to receive Stella Gregory Award

Traditional Thanksgiving offerings at EVITAS