A piglet once asked, "Mama, why is your mouth so long?" With no presumptuous comparison of stature intended, Mother Pig responded softly, but frankly, "You're growing, so you will soon see." As a 10-year-old boy, I found absolute delight laughing at bald-headed people, more so at women with "patchy-patchy" hair loss. And, while I am no chauvinist and have come to understand the complexities associated with hair loss and baldness, I must confess that I am still mildly tickled by the sight, especially when efforts to conceal such fail.

Try hard as I might, I have not managed to dislodge some of the childhood memories associated with women with patchy-patchy hair loss. First, there was Ms Birdie. She was an older woman with exactly three teeth spitefully located to the left side of her mouth. As boys, we never knew that she was bald-headed, until in the height of summer while helping her to chase down a yard-fowl for slaughter. As we ran around the yard to catch the rooster, it dove under a barbed-wire fence, and Ms Birdie bolted under the fence too with athletic fervour and feline agility.

But, unfortunately for her, as she went under the fence, one of the spikes hooked on to her hair and ripped off the entire wig. It danced rhythmically as though it was doing the Macarena, while the dogs barked incessantly at the moving shadow it formed on the ground. It was only then that we realised that poor Ms Birdie had about five strands of hair, all of which stood at full attention on the crown of her head. Well, chasing down the rooster was history as we broke into peels of laughter. Upon discovering the wig displacement, Ms Birdie made a sharp and youthful U-turn, grabbed the dancing wig and hurled the most rural, yet colourful Jamaican expletives at us.

Then, there was Ms Edna whose husband once confessed to my dad his frustration with her efforts to "lock 'im down under crotch" and his determinations to "blow it up and come out". Unlike with Ms Birdie, we all knew that Ms Edna donned a wig because her hair was permanently undisturbed, however ferocious the wind. What we did not know, however, was the extent of her baldness until a handcart man knocked her down. This set the stage for a remarkable tragicomedy. In retrospect, this accident was no laughing matter, but we could not help ourselves, because instead of attempting to pull down the hem of her dress to conceal her over-exposed family history, she inquired about the whereabouts of her wig, which was precariously perched on the steering wheel of the cart.

I am sure both Ms Edna and Ms Birdie, were they alive today, would have no hesitation invoking the principle of retribution to explain my own hair challenges because, while I still have a full head of hair, it has begun to "thin out" and my friends have dedicated much of their time to teasing me about my receding hairline, even though I continue to blame my barber for screwing it up. Privately, though, I invest in top-of-the-line shampoos and conditioners and use moisturiser daily to tame the natural progression, because in my case, it's hereditary - my dad was bald at the crown.

Surprisingly, none of my other siblings show any sign of hair loss. They have my mom's genes to thank for their good fortune. Many men have resorted to going bald; it is cheaper and has caught on nicely among a certain class. Even so, a bald head does not fit everybody since the shape and disharmonious contours of one's head can pose quite a challenge. And ingrown hair, especially around the back of the head, can cause unsightly infections. Nowadays, I am into getting a regular "shape-up" and, on occasions where the hair is definitely too thick, I go for "taper fades".

Baldness typically refers to excessive hair loss from the scalp and can be the result of heredity, use of certain medications or an underlying medical condition. There are several other causes for hair loss such as poor nutrition associated with inadequate consumption of protein and iron. Hormonal changes and imbalances can cause temporary hair loss, in the same way that certain hair treatments such as the chemicals used for dying, tinting, bleaching, straightening or permanent waves do when used incorrectly.

Some people prefer to allow their baldness to run its course, while others, like Ms Edna and Ms Birdie, cover it up with hairstyles, make-up or hats. The medical term for hair loss is alopecia, which affects roughly one-third of men and women. Essentially, there are different types of permanent hair loss.
First, there is male-pattern baldness (androgenetic alopecia), which can begin very early, even in the teens or early 20s. It is usually characterised by a receding hairline at the temples and balding at the top of the head. In most instances, men who suffer from androgenetic alopecia end up having complete baldness.

Contrary to my youthful glee and insensitivity towards both Ms Birdie and Ms Edna, anyone (male, female and children) can experience hair loss. Women with permanent hair loss (female-pattern baldness) usually have hair loss limited to thinning at the front, sides or crown, but rarely experience complete baldness. Finally, there is scarring alopecia, a rare condition that occurs when inflammation damages and scars the hair follicle, causing permanent hair loss.

Having thoroughly researched the topic of hair loss and baldness, and having to cope with my own steady, albeit slow, thinning hair, I wish I could show some remorse to those I laughed at during my teenage years. Nonetheless, depending on the type of hair loss, treatments are available, medicine may help to slow or prevent hair loss. Proper head and hair hygiene and scalp treatments are important. Since prevention is better than cure, just ease off the cornrows and pigtails.

-Burnscg@aol.com

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