LADIES AND GENTLEMEN: The meeting of the Association of What's Happening Now is hereby called to order. This Association has been formed to keep track of all the many matters of contention and argument which keep this nation occupied while other matters, far more important, pass over our heads like an Air Jamaica plane heading for extinction.

But - let us proceed. We will share with you today matters arising from the last meeting of the WHN. As you read further, you will see how the Association is working for you, by spending time on matters you may have missed - or wished you had. Look now at the following:

(A) Suggestion for the taxation of the proceeds of earnings by sex workers, previously known as prostitutes. (B) Translation of the Holy Bible into Jamaican patois. (C) The slow death of Air Jamaica and (D) The question of how effective a peace treaty can be without disarmament.

TO AGENDA ITEM A: The latest storm in a condensed milk tin was not the first to arise from a suggestion to legitimise the sex trade aka prostitution. When one of our most respected crusaders for a new approach to deal with the scourge of HIV/AIDS advanced the idea some time ago of recognising and organising sex workers for better control of the disease, the reaction was predictable. All our moral values came out of hiding.

That short-lived crusade was followed by another storm; this time, the suggestion by tourism-hungry interests in western Jamaica that Red Light Districts should be sanctioned, thus enabling a stricter eye to be kept on sex workers and, of course, for the greater glory of tourism. After the usual argument, that idea too retreated into oblivion.

Then, along comes the newest aberration - register sex workers and let them pay taxes. As the argument was heating up, the prime minister, in his capacity as defender of public morals, quickly doused the fire. If he'd only had the patience to wait it out, he might have brought about a revolution which could change not only Jamaica but the world this way.

The first time sex workers had to defend their earnings to the Income Tax Department and face the ratio of tax to earnings, you'd see how fast they'd look another work. They'd soon find out that up to the day the undertaker arrives, you pay taxes. And by the way, by what system would they be taxed? PAYE? Would they have to produce receipts to substantiate claims of what they earned? Could their clients, in turn, charge their services to expenses? We would get a whole treatise out of this, you know...

ON NOW TO AGENDA ITEM B - The announcement by the Bible Society of the West Indies that it intends to expend several millions of dollars translating the Holy Bible into Jamaican patois. From the flood of reactions, obviously there are more Bible readers in this nation than might hitherto have been thought (or are there?) They've let us know, woe betide they who tamper with Holy Writ! This is a definite "thou shalt not".

Ladies and gentlemen, some will be led to believe that the genesis of this latest time-wasting argument is about preserving the integrity of the Scriptures. We say that it is just another in a series of uprisings by those who live in fear of "Patois" or "Patwa", as it is now being spelt. Imagine - bringing it into Church! God forbid! The expressions of outrage which have been clogging the letters columns of our newspapers, have one thing in common: It will be a cold day in Hell before good Christian folks allow Jamaica bad talking to contaminate the Word of the Lord. "Imagine - want Jeezas fi talk like di ordinary people. Dem too bright."

The advice of our Association, therefore, is that the Bible Society should get on and spend their 60 million or so dollars on their Patois/Patwa Bible, a project which will be an interesting addition to theological libraries. It will also add spice to the debate about whether as a people, we have any regard for our heritage (language being foremost). Whether we are regular churchgoers or not, we are certain that the Almighty Himself would be horrified to hear us calling upon Him in less than perfect English. This is why my mother, faced with foolishness, used to say: "Idle dawg worry sheep."

ITEM C OF THE AGENDA is the matter of Air Jamaica. It is painful and distressing to watch the slow death of a once-proud institution. This is all happening at a time when international aviation is at its lowest. The global gas price crisis has every airline struggling to keep flying. This is the atmosphere in which we are trying to sell off Air Jamaica, to recoup our losses.

Our meeting took note of the upbeat communiqués about the future, which are issued from time to time, how we fully expect to strike a good deal when the airline is sold. What is not so jolly is the mess we seem to be creating until then, regarding worker-management relations and the feeling that it really doesn't matter now what becomes of the Lovebird. Our once proud symbol of a nation's pride is being deprived steadily of its feathers and its dignity. Before the storm is over, it will be nothing more than a breeze-blow bud with not even a nest to roost in.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, we the members of this Association reiterate that we've always had pride in Air Jamaica. It was a signal to the world that we were not just a mere lickle island. We were somebody. It used to be said that Air J's pilots were the best in the air. One story is that at London's Heathrow, they watched in admiration from the control tower every time an Air J crew brought in a flight. We were the best. Alas, now, we just bruck. With hard times upon us. We're gradually bringing ourselves down to the least. By the time the airline is diverted, who knows what it will be?

AND SO TO AGENDA ITEM D - the August Town Peace truce, signed earlier this week. Would that the gang leaders had the sense and sensibility to have turned in even one gun at the time of signing. We have heard from the peace brokers - the university academics, the social workers, the ordinary citizens, how hard they worked to bring about the great moment - a five-year truce with the promise to monitor it and see that it lasts.

It was sad, ladies and gentlemen, to hear citizens outside the Peace Zone, wondering why the "yute dem wouldn't give up di gun". The tremendous faith which the peace brokers have in the treaty has to operate against the scepticism of people who say they find it hard to believe in the process one hundredfold, so long as they know that the guns are in the community.

But, in the word of one peace-broker: "The signing of the treaty might seem like a small step to someone outside. In the reality of the situation, it is a quantum leap. We would have wanted the guns turned in too - but we have to start somewhere. We have to proceed in faith that the day will come when the guns are turned in." It has been made clear that the treaty is not an amnesty. The security forces pledge to continue seeking out those who choose to live beyond the law.

MATTERS ARISING: Lawyers inna kass-kass over Resident Magistrate's denunciation of members of the profession who are said to act like "hustlers". Some lawyers vex-vex. But why do members of the public agree with the RM? Time to talk it over?

MEETING ADJOURNED.

- gloudonb@yahoo.com

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