Columns

'Choose yuh pickney ova man'

Kerensia
Morrison

Sunday, July 07, 2019

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I remember a close friend cutting off her relationship with such a finality that was surprising to everyone.

Her relationship seemed great; she had three children from a previous relationship and they shared one child.

One day she prepared dinner before leaving home for an appointment and her partner had care of the children. She returned earlier than was expected and what she saw caused her to fly into a fit of rage. Instead of seating all the children at the table, he placed her three children on the floor while he and his child sat around the table. The table had six chairs — everyone could have been seated comfortably — and her children were older and could feed themselves.

She later explained to us that the look on his face revealed that she had caught him red-handed abusing her children. His explanation was that they were chewing too loudly and so he had to put them on the floor. He would not have dared to try that in her presence, but she admitted that she had indeed noticed a coldness from him towards her children that she ignored.

They had one big fight that evening where she “dust him out” and sent him packing. Will we always be lucky to catch it early? How can we prevent the “big fight?”

We must be extremely careful when we are choosing partners, especially if we have children from previous relationship(s). There are some people who do not love children other than their own; they cherish their child and destroy another person's.

There was a time when we could depend on others to look out for our children, to protect them in our absence. Today, we have to take our responsibility more seriously and leave nothing to chance. The stories of the “wicked stepmothers” who “enslaved” the children are long known. Sometimes when a man finds a new woman and his children are left at her mercy, they 'meet hell', especially if their father is too busy to notice.

We have heard about the incidents where the man kills the woman and her children but saves his child. We have seen where men rape their woman's young daughters. We have heard the numerous stories where women get involved with men whose one intention is to sleep with their daughter right “unda har nose.” Sometimes your child's biggest enemy is the person whom you have brought home under their roof. Are we sleeping with the enemy?

But I do not understand many of these women. Come on sister, sometimes the evidence is right there. How come you failed to notice that him “eyeing your gal pickney?” Brother, sometimes you KNOW that the woman who you tek up is not prepared to cook for no pickney, not going to help with no homework or pack no lunch bag. Listen, do not let this “fall in love” and “sexual attraction” blind you in recognising the qualities that you should be looking for.

When you have children, choose partners who will be a mother or father to your child; do not put your “feel good feelings” before the welfare of your child. You are a package, you come with children, that is your reality. Cow and calf.

Relationships, sadly, may not always last — life happens. However, when children are involved both parents must be concerned about the welfare of their children and be committed to making their lives happy . I may no longer share a home with you, but I must ensure that my child is in a safe environment.

When you meet a potential partner ask yourself, is this the best person to take into my child's life? Do I know enough about this person to expose my children? Is this someone who my children can respect?

Some wounds are hard to heal. Therefore, choose wisely. Choose your children first. Every child in Jamaica deserves to be loved and protected. Play your part.

Kerensia Morrison is a Government Senator


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