Those friends thou hast,
And their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul
With hoops of steel.
Shakespeare, Hamlet 1, 3
THEY say that good friends are better than pocket money.
They also say that a friend in need is a friend indeed. Hey, they also say that you should hold your friends close, and your enemies closer. So much has been said about friends and friendship. But what is true, is that a really good friend is a blessing to have. The trick is, to find one, just one. What's also true, is that the betrayal by a friend can be devastating.
So many people claim to have lots of friends, but the term is used loosely, for what they really mean is that they have many acquaintances. That's right, many people confuse an acquaintance or a coworker, or even a classmate with a true friend. And the truth is, very few new friends are made late in life.
So often we hear people say, "I don't want any new friends, as I have all the friends I need already."
That's because we can't often tell what motives new people have. Are they genuine, or do they befriend you for what you have? Are they just hangers-on who want a free ride? At least your old friends knew you when you had nothing, and see you for who you really are.
I'm pretty sure people like Usain Bolt and Yohan Blake are suddenly deluged with 'new friends,' even though no one was around when they were 'nobody.' Win the lottery and see how many new friends, BFFs, you acquire.
Your BFF is special, or is that really true? We'll find out post haste.
Loved your article, 'Gorgeous'. My Webster dictionary describes the word gorgeous as being elegant, resplendently beautiful. In my simple mind, being elegant and resplendently beautiful can only be applied to a woman.
On your footnote on hanged versus hang, hear this: "Hey Joe, did they hang that guy yet?" "Yeah, they hanged him yesterday; he was hung with two other guys."
Regarding your footnote on the improper use of hung when it should be hanged, well, a man can be hung, or should I say, a man can be... well hung. Get my point? In fact there is a TV series on HBO that's titled Hung, and it's all about a male escort who is, well... well hung. So, Teerob, in certain instances a man can be hung, but only if 'well' precedes it.
'Gorgeous' was good, but if my wife started to look at other men and refer to them as gorgeous, I would feel a little bit miffed. She can think it, but she hasn't got to say it. I would feel worse if she started to admire other women though. Leave that to me.
Social media such as Facebook, Twitter, Messenger, YouTube plus texting have all coined new phrases in our lexicon of language. Now, BFF is 'Best Friends Forever', and it's used so frequently and loosely that it's now accepted by the young without thought of what it really means. People will just meet on Facebook or exchange pin numbers and suddenly they are BFF.
I've always thought that true friendship went deeper than that, and, indeed, it should. Nowadays a BFF is formed and deleted faster than you can say Twitter. The fact is, true friends are usually formed early in our lives, and forged through the years of thick and thin. Even now I can remember my BFF from pre-primary and primary school. Sadly, he took a wrong turn in his life after adulthood and paid the price. But I still remember him.
Throughout high school I only had one BFF, even though I was quite popular and had many 'friends'. And even though the years have passed and he's migrated, he's still referred to as my high school BFF.
Throughout adulthood, I haven't really kept close friends, bar one, as old time folks always said that it's not good to have too many friends. Plus, there is the saying, "Show me your friends and I'll show you who you are."
I had a female BFF once, but there's a danger in that, as I'll show you later.
So this BFF thing is a serious thing, and a true friendship is not to be taken lightly, or taken for granted. What happens sometimes is that you'll have a BFF and that person gets involved with someone of the opposite sex, and gets married. Does that mean that he or she is no longer your BFF?
Women don't seem to do well in this area, for as soon as one BFF decides to settle down with a man, the other friend takes it hard and sees it, not as a gain on her BFF's part, but as a loss on her part. There is hurt, anger, pain, and of course, jealousy. After all, "How could she find a man, get married, and break up our friendship... leaving me all alone?" Some women really take this BFF thing literally and think that it really should be forever.
Men will continue the friendship, while many women withdraw from the former BFF and may even disappear forever.
"Oh, she's married now and don't need all like me anymore." The excuse for absence is often, "I was giving you time to be with your husband... didn't want to disturb you," even when the friend has been married for five years.
But sometimes the BFF does not leave and draws too close, and, as the romance novels, movies and even real life warn, it's always the best friend... be careful of the best friend... don't trust the best friend with your spouse.
It's always the best friend who moves in and mash up the marriage. It's always the best friend who is caught with the man's wife, and it's always the best friend who the husband runs off with.
"A pox on the BFF, the best friend, and may boils grow on her butt," is the wish of many women. But why? Why does the best friend always intervene in relationships? Maybe that answer is for another time.
Should people have BFFs of another sex, and if they do, should they continue to maintain this friendship, even after they get married? Many people don't think so, and, in fact, insist that it's not really a good idea. But should a real, genuine friendship forged from childhood be destroyed just because one friend decides to get married?
A poor guy wrote to the advice columns recently complaining that his wife had too many male friends who would always call her at all hours of the night.
"Is how you have so much BFF and how come them only call late at night?"
Now that's a bit extreme perhaps, but what if she had one BFF from childhood and now she's married, should she sever all contact with that man? Is that fair or just? After all, she knew him long before she knew hubby. But let's flip it, should a wife be jealous of a BFF that her husband had from childhood? Most of the experts seem to think that for the sake of the marriage, the BFF should go.
"Your wife should be your BFF now, so put that longtime BFF behind you," is the sage advice by the relationship experts.
What about social media BFFs, are they also out of bounds? Should a wife have an e-mail penpal who she constantly keeps in touch with? Or should a husband have a Facebook BFF who he shares details of his life with? More women than men say no to this, even though the men say nothing is wrong with them doing it, but don't feel comfortable with their wives being too up-close-and-personal on the computer with other men. Ah boy, the goose and the gander again.
The fear is that the BFF has the potential to grow into something more serious, and many wives who I spoke to don't care if the Facebook BFF lives in deepest Asia. The fact is, she's in contact with her man, and she doesn't like it.
I have known men who have had female BFFs for many years. But guess what? Invariably, the friendship turned to romance, then the romance got turbulent because they knew too much about each other, including their romantic history. Remember, BFFs exchange the most intimate information, so you can just imagine the damning data that's stored, and then retrieved after they become romantically involved. In other words, it's dashed in their faces at the drop of a hat. Those secrets that you shared now become weapons of mass destruction.
The downside to BFFs is, if they ever part ways for whatever reason, the vitriol, venom and vengeance that erupts can be cataclysmic.
"Look how them fighting like puss and dog. Hard to believe that they were BFFs."
In most cases, the breakup of BFFs is all because of a third party; a man or a woman. Many BFFs will survive most trials and tribulations, but they cannot survive that one.
"Look how woman come between them and mash up dem friendship."
Still, having a BFF can be great, as women can hang out together, chat on the phone for hours, exchange clothes and accessories et al. Except Al. For men, a BFF can be a touring partner, a sounding board, an excuse to get out of the house, someone to shoot the breeze and laugh with.
All in all, a BFF can be a good thing, but you can leave off that last F, as nothing is forever. By the way, BFF has another meaning, but I won't tell you, or Miss Kitty may cuss me on her radio show. More time.
Footnote: Everyone is all surprised and wailing at the state of many ills in our society, especially after that horrific crime in St James. But why be surprised? Rapists are no longer flogged as part of their sentence as it's too inhumane.
Children cannot be punished in schools anymore, for fear of backlash from parents and even the authorities. Criminals are defended for their human rights, even as they give no rights to humans.
"Oh they had a hard childhood, and blah, blah, blah."
Hard labour in prison is a thing of the past, and there is no corporal or capital punishment. There is no consequence for actions, so people will simply do what actions they feel like, for 'nutten nah come out of it'.
Criminals are not afraid, for "human rights people will defend we".
What about the victim's rights? And people are surprised that victims are fighting back? Don't be surprised, and expect more.
"Round up the posse, there's going to be a hanging," they used to say in the old west. I'm not saying it's right, but it's bound to happen when punitive measures are not meted out to wrongdoers. There is no consequence for evil actions, so evil actions will flourish, even as people talk, and talk, and talk.