Beaten men

Daddy Oh

With Tony Robinson

Sunday, June 15, 2014

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It is the part of men

To fear and tremble,

When the most mighty gods by token send

Such dreadful heralds to astonish us.

— Shakespeare, Julius Caesar, I, 3

So many men tremble in their boots with fear when faced with huge challenges. Many feel beaten. It's a terrible thing when a man is beaten. He feels not only fear and trepidation, but he is withdrawn, reticent and subjugated. It's not a pretty sight.

But you have beaten and you have beaten. Some men are beaten down by life itself, as they just can't seem to get a break. They may have lost their job and can't find another one for a long time. Life just seems to beat him down and batters him every which way. That can be a sad situation.

But there are men who are also beaten by women, men who live under the rule of thumb of a woman who not only whips him down emotionally, but also beats him physically. Simply put, some women drop lick pon some men whenever and wherever at every opportunity, even in public.

Sure, it may seem to be from the theatre of the absurd and even appear impossible to some people that men not only get beaten, but continue to live with women who beat them. It's like living under the Taliban rule of some women. But the reality is, they do, and live to tell the tale. It's a sad thing when a man is beaten, for apart from the physical batteration, his mental state, self-esteem and ego also get a beating.

Beaten men, that's our spiel today, right after these responses to 'Wife at home'.

Hi Tony,

I am a wife at home. I am one of those stupid, trusting women who refused to see the man for who he really was. Just like you said, I believed him when he told me about those late night meetings and frequent weekend retreats. I believed him when he called me to say that he was still at the office working late. I believed him.

I didn't believe the signs and rumours though, and I paid the price. He brought home something that should have stayed on the street. I have never been with another man, but through my husband, I now have. Losing your man to another woman is bad enough, but losing him to another man is gut wrenching. Now I have what they both have.

'Wife at home'


Your footnote about primary schools brought home some good memories. I too went to a good primary school, Mico Primary. The primary school was associated with Mico Teachers' College, which is now called Mico University College. It was there that I remember using a fountain pen for the first time while crafting my writing skills, having my first sno-cone and my very first crush on the prettiest girl in the school. There were many other fond memories of Mico. Thanks for jogging these memories.


When a man beats a woman it's a terrible thing, but when a woman beats a man it invokes all sorts of feelings. These can range from sympathy, derision, laughter, jeering, ridicule and even disdain. "Say what, you ooman beat you? Hahahahahahaha." Even Shelly Thunder alluded to it in her hit song years ago.

A man fi get kuff, fi get kuff, fi get kuff. Sometimes a man fi get kuff.

Marry a man and him name is Ricky

From last month him a gwan like him crazy

Come home morning time after 7:30

When Sun shine and de neighbour dem a see

Get me so vex, an it got me so angry

Thunder get mad and decide fig gwan nasty

Drape him up and say 'Listen me now'

You don't know that you fi come home early? (Kuff)

A wha' you a try do fi disgrace Shelly? (Kuff)

A through me a 'ooman yu take advantage of me? (Kuff)

You want me neighbour dem fi laugh after me? (Kuff)

You better move out or act properly."

Kuff, of course, means to drape up, slap around and generally beat up. Maybe the name came from a variation of handcuff. The linguists can verify this. Ah boy, how we used to hear that song and laugh and laugh and laugh. "Look how the big man a get kuff by the woman...hahahahahha."

Can you imagine if a man had written those lyrics about beating a woman? No one would laugh then, and it might not even have got airplay, as the gender rights people would march in the streets about it. But such is the inequality of this gender conflict, so we'll just have to live with it.

Still, that is not the issue. The issue of men being beaten by women is real, and as the lyrics of the above song stated, one of the chief reasons is because the man disrespected his woman by not only having other women, but by flaunting it as well, bringing down shame on her.

That's cause for a frying pan upside his head. Some women will not only beat the man, but find the woman and give her a proper thrashing too. Don't mess with some women.

Is the man weak to be beaten by a woman? A kneejerk response would be to say, "Hell yes, the man is a wimp to let his woman beat him." But at times the reality is far from that. Some men are weak yes, but others are just not socialised to hit women and therefore end up being on the receiving end of these women for years.

No matter if a woman was to ever hit me in anger, I could never retaliate...or even think about it. It's just not in my nature. Yet some men have no such feeling and would fight a woman if she hits him.

Many men carry this secret shame for years, and some are ridiculed, even by the police officers who they report it to. "Say what Mr Brown, your wife beat you again? Man tek yu watsitnot outa de station, we have serious crime to deal with."

There are men who live in fear of their women, as they have no say, no authority, no hand, no decision-making in the house. The woman rules supreme and if he objects he's looking at a kuffing when night falls.

Some men are not only beaten physically, but they're also emotionally broken men as they can't even sign a cheque, for the wife controls the finances. He can't make a move unless... "I have to ask my wife first."

But there's a twist, for even though a beaten man is a sorry sight, there are some people who may say that they deserve it. "Worthless men deserve to get kuffed." Now, I'm not advocating violence, but when a woman lives with a man for years and that man abdicates all responsibility, lets his wife do all the work, be the sole breadwinner, pay all the bills, plus he totally neglects his children and threatens to beat her, what should she do?

Bear in mind that these women have exhausted all avenues that they could take to deal with the situation; legal, moral, counselling, religious, and others to no avail until they reach their wits end. After all this the man still refuses to carry his weight, leaving her no choice but to kuff him. I'm not saying it's right, but I can understand why. Sometimes a man fi get kuff, fi get kuff, fi get kuff.

Some women just couldn't take it anymore, and after years of suffering and living with a totally worthless man, her verbal barbs turned to cursing, then to shoving, then to slapping, then to beating the living daylights out of the man and end up arrested. "Guilty with explanation, Your Honour." He's now officially a beaten man.

On the other hand, some men do not deserve it, and are paying the price for getting involved with a warrior woman. Some men are gentle souls, and many women see this as a sign of weakness, turn on him like a tigress, and along with her daughter, rips him to shreds. I have seen it more than once, and it's a sad situation.

Beaten men, although not numerous, still exist, with most living in secret shame. One could say that they are anomalies of nature. More time.

Footnote: It's almost pointless to even mention the destruction of the English language, but every now and then I have to fire a few salvos across the bow of the ignorant. When it's done by prominent people in the media, I have to point it out. A noted columnist kept writing that men should be hung, in regards to capital punishment. Men are hanged, not hung. Then even leaders refer to principals of schools as principles.

One journalist wrote about the hypocritic oath that doctors take upon graduation. It's Hippocratic Oath, named after the Greek father of medicine, Hippocrates. Then another mentioned acidic Jews, when it should be Hasidic.

And again, it's always broadcast, never broadcasted; forecast, never forecasted; cast, never casted. I cringe when I see these gaffes, but I realise that the battle has been lost. That being said, it was such a joy to hear that lady who was voted Household Helper of the Year deliver her speech in perfect English, despite her modest and humble station.

I wonder if those multi-degreed privileged pushers of patois for our children heard her presentation?




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