Guys do what girls do
An absolute gentleman,
Full of most excellent differences,
Of very soft society
And great showing.
— Shakespeare, Hamlet V,2
JUST read the above quote again... now close your eyes and envisage that picture in your mind... can't you see that Shakespeare was speaking of the very first metrosexual?
Some people may think so, while others vehemently disagree. And that's where the problem lies, for many guys do not want to be labelled as such, but prefer the moniker of thug. After all, it's always the thug, the gangsta, the rude boy, the cowboy, who seems to get the girls. Nuh girl nuh want nuh gentleman.
As a result, many guys shy away from anything that smacks of gentility, civility, sensitivity or anything that can link them to the seemingly feminine side, real or imagined.
Oh yes, men do have a sensitive side, even though it's often buried deep under tons of machismo, testosterone and bravado. The truth is, though, surveys have shown that many men really do what the ladies do.
Do you remember the song, "Girls, you can't do what the guys do, and still be a lady?" Well, can the guys do what the girls do and still be called guys?
We'll find out more, right after these responses to 'Men, never marry your age'.
Man, you really tell it like it is, and many women may not like what you said, but it does smack of truth. My wife is two years older than me, yet when we were young she looked so much younger than I did.
Now the years have crept up and she wasn't lucky to have retained her youthfulness and now looks like her mother. People always say that you're to look at a woman's mother before you marry her, for as sure as night follows day, they follow their mothers in the looks department. Genes do not lie, brother.
The subject of your column makes perfect sense. However, had I gone that route at the age I got married, I would have had to marry a 16 year old. However, we seem to have beaten the odds, because my wife, who is almost the same age as me, looks 20 years younger than her actual age and many folks tell me that I look at least 10 years younger than my actual age. Based on the math, it would appear that I had married a woman years younger than me. Thank God for good all around family genes.
Men can do almost anything and get away with it, but just let a woman dip her toe into the pool of passion, the lair of lust, the sea of sexuality, the musical mattress of changing partners frequently, and see how quickly she is labelled.
That's why that song was so popular, "Girls, you can't do what the guys do and still be a lady." The names that they are given are most unflattering.... easy lay, slut, sleep around, riding horse and other terrible epithets that are not given to men.
But here's the twist, there are men who do what the ladies do and are still called men... or are they? Just recently, superstar Usain Bolt donned a dress and wig for a TV commercial and created quite a controversy here in Jamaica. I bet if Shelly-Ann wore a suit we wouldn't hear any negative comments. And yet, our own Jamaicans flock to the cinema to see Tyler Perry dressed like a woman in his hit 'Madea' movies.
Dressing like a woman to do a TV commercial or movies is the least, as men have been doing that since the dawn of theatre. The problem occurs if the man keeps that character long after the curtains have come down and likes to dress in drag for real. But there are other things that men do that are considered the domain of
For one, men gossip, and they do it as much as women, the research says. The only thing is, they don't call it gossip. Men will get together and discuss other men, or women, to their heart's content, as they exchange stories of who did what, and to whom, and when, and how. Or which woman is easy, and which man's wife is sleeping around.
"Me seh, the one Sharlene act like she nice, but me know how much man she have." It's amazing how much time men spend gossiping, chatting people's business, yet they would never admit to it.
Now, let's go into the bedroom where most activities are sacred and secret. Here in the sanctity of secret sexuality, there are men who will deny their wives sex. For centuries men have complained how their wives deny them sex and lock shop on them. "Not tonight, dear, I have a headache," is the cliché of the sexually denied man.
But research has unearthed the fact that many men also deny their woman sex. But their excuse is they're tired, had a hard day at work, have to get up early in the morning, or want to watch sports on TV. The woman wants sex and the man won't deliver. Isn't that what women sometimes do to men?
To delve even further into the realm of guys doing what girls do in the sexuality department, believe it or not, there are men who fake orgasms. All along, men have suspected that women fake orgasms, and women will tell their girlfriends that they do it all the time. But to discover that men fake orgasms is a revelation to many people. As the kid in the movie said when his sports hero was accused of wrongdoing, "Say it ain't so, Joe, say it ain't so."
One common reason is simply to get the act over with and go to sleep. This usually happens if the man isn't really 'into' the woman in the desire department. She just doesn't turn him on, he's not hot for her, maybe she's ugly. That's one cruel irony of human sexuality, the more turned on a man is by a woman, is the quicker he'll orgasm... at times, too quickly.
But if he's just doing it for doing it sake, duty bound to have sex with her, then he will never orgasm, no matter how hard he tries. Now you see the irony, for that woman is getting the stud treatment, while the hot, desirable, sexy woman gets the boiled egg treatment... done in two minutes. So the man fakes it.
Some men are so vain, even though it's the ladies who are always accused of excessive vanity. Many guys have more feminine facial paraphernalia than a supermodel. They spend more time primping, preening, plucking, shaving, waxing and creaming than the most vain woman. But they gave it a name to justify it, and the metrosexual was born.
There are men who want serious commitment and not just a casual fling. Now isn't that flipping the script? We always were of the impression that it's the women who want to settle down, and the men who want to play the field. Well, there are guys who will settle for nothing less than a serious commitment. So if it's just a fling you want, just keep on walking. "Baby, I'm no one-night stand, so if all you want is my body, then try another guy."
Women are always harping how men love to cheat, yet there are guys who do not believe in cheating at all. Just an aside, but research has shown than women cheat just as much as men... but are better at it, hence the misconception that men do it more.
Women cry easily, but there are men who cry, too. Others are insanely insecure and jealous and show it, making some people comment, "How tha man deh act like ooman so with him jealousy?"
Men have almost taken over the prostitution industry, outdoing the women at their own game, forcing many ladies of the night out of business. And just like women, there are men who are afflicted with low self-esteem and are as moody and miserable as a menstruating matriarch.
Guys are doing what the girls do, and yet they are still guys. Hey, even in sports there is male invasion, as men are now playing netball.
Footnote: I believe in parents taking an interest in their children's welfare at school, but there is also negative interference. When parents go to a school and interfere with a coach who is working with a child, then something is wrong. I have seen a mother actually tell a coach at a high school what is best for her son and how he should be coached. Would she have done that at an American school?
Now there's a current case of a stepfather having to be restrained from assaulting a coach during a meeting to sort out the boy's welfare. When did parents begin to know more than coaches and school administrators? If a child ignores his school, goes for coaching exclusively at another school, then how can he be expected to represent his school, where he does not train?
Who is then accountable or responsible if that child gets injured, breaks the rules, or is accused of wrongdoing? Can you picture a boy from KC ignoring that school's track programme, training at Calabar because he prefers that coach, then wishing to represent KC at Champs? You can't eat your cake and have it.