Honesty: The best policy

Friday, September 28, 2012    

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A male friend sent a broadcast on blackberry messenger directed to all the females on his list, soliciting a response to this query: Why do 95% of women fall in love with a man they know is a player or one who is just a 'friend with benefits'?

The morally refined among us may not be aware of these types of arrangements or even approve, but it does exist, far more than we care to admit.

A 'player' refers to a man/woman who is charming, has more than one partner at any given time and is constantly on the hunt for new 'game' — they play the field.

The term 'friend with benefits' refers to a partner that you can hang-out with and exchange sexual favours, but there is no commitment and usually no exclusivity.

So, now that I've clarified, let me get back to the statement.

Firstly, I thought the percentage was incredibly high and secondly, there are a lot of factors to consider before accepting or rejecting such a statistic.

I am the kind of woman who will defend my gender to the grave, within reason. Women have always been given a hard time especially where our emotions are concerned, not just by men but by our own sex as well. So, whenever I get the opportunity I will try to show the 'other' side from my perspective.

I'm a fair person so let me be the first to say, there are some psycho women out there who feel once eye contact has been established and a smile exchanged (optional) that person has made a commitment and are now theirs forever. They start planning the wedding and trying to imagine what the offspring from said union would look like etc. But then, psycho men exist too. They will resort to stalking someone who they see as a potential life partner, even though the other party is usually unaware or does not share the sentiment. These persons require professional help, so for the purpose of this article, they are excluded. I'm talking about mentally stable ladies, of average intelligence, or higher, who have reasoning ability.

A man will think a woman has 'changed' and has become overly emotional after a relationship or arrangement has been established and usually he can't understand why. Gentlemen, it is simple. Honesty, openness and playing by the rules are some of the things that define a wife as opposed to a side piece. I can hear the Bible thumpers going crazy, but this is reality, so please bear with me. Whether you have a main squeeze or not, a woman will act according to how she is being treated. If you are a player, establish and remind the ladies that you have no plans to settle and that others exist. Some women may see this as a challenge and try to 'fix' this flaw within you, but hold strong.

Talk about your other female partners constantly and be honest as to why she can't see you. No fake funerals or sudden work issues. If the relationship is strictly sexual do NOT get cosy. Sleeping over, accepting a house key; making calls to 'check' how she's doing etc., are things reserved for the woman you plan to get serious with. A woman who gets flowers the morning after a sexual romp will think: he loves me and start getting clingy and possessive, because the lines have been blurred.

In essence gentlemen, it is not that women just drop into love; the circumstances determine how she views you. Remember women are emotional beings, if you play on these emotions; sure enough you're going to be as confused as she is. Keep it honest and stick to the formula. Visit, handle your business and disappear until the next exchange, leave the ladies alone or my best recommendation, find one partner that fulfils your needs and stick to her. Have a great weekend folks. E-mail me your comments elvachatalot@yahoo.com and follow me on Twitter @ElvaJamaica (rated PG).





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