No longer a Sumfest virgin

Friday, July 27, 2012    

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LAST year, my friend Miss Kitty introduced me to Reggae Sumfest. It is now in my blood so I was back again this year to enjoy the merriment and experience life as seen only on TV.

Although, come to think of it, that is exactly what happened. I was not a privileged member of the elite VIP, so I ended up watching the performances on the big screen. Be that as it may, I can say I journeyed to Sumfest in Montego Bay.

I was so disappointed with my dancehall supporters who gave into the view of the naysayers by almost causing an international incident in front of the millions of viewers worldwide with their fires and bug spray cans.

I am an ardent supporter of dancehall and the culture that goes along with it, but as a wig-wearer I'm not into open flame, not at all. Michael Jackson already has that record with flaming hair, I do not wish to join him.

I would love to find that one who first introduced this dangerous practice of throwing flames from aerosol cans at stage shows and give him or her a healthy slap across the face. Not the left to right kind of slap either, the top to bottom face slap that makes your lips vibrate like Bounty Killer when he says "cross". It is a practice and should be outlawed. Luckily, there were no injuries or accidental police killings. Great performances though. Most artistes shone brightly.

I am in no position to talk about anyone's shape, but since Elephant Man and I are ugly alike, I can critique him.

Ele, your outfit was very patriotic, but that gut in front of you in a tight-fitting sequined suit was most distracting. Head to the gym my brother or start performing in looser fitting garments. Toots Hibbert is about 90-odd years old and he looks fitter than you. Shape up man.

Did you see Shabba Ranks' abs?

Shabba worked the crowd like the seasoned veteran he is. From the man entered the stage he was in full control. People are still talking about that good job executed by the Emperor. Yes, that's his new title.

Like most persons at the festival, I was so looking forward to the performances from R Kelly and Trey Songz.

Trey Songz disappointed me a little because he didn't sound nearly as impressive live as his recordings. However, the brother is very easy on the eyes so I endured him. I appreciated the attempt at wearing the national colours, but why in the form of a Pippy Long Stockings socks. Dude looked like the wicked witch from the Wizard of Oz. Extremely distracting — really killed his sexy. I know the young lady who caught his sweat-drenched towel probably doesn't share my view, but I envy her not, I'm not into body fluids.

The armed forces had to go collect the high top sneakers smuggled off of the feet of Mr Kelly during his stage edge performance and return it to him. Kudos to the very nimble-fingered young lady who undid and removed them from R Kelly's feet in record time, she has clearly done that before and if I'm ever in a jam, I would like to have her on my team.

Anyway, even with a few hiccups, the three days went well and I'm glad I attended. Have a great weekend folks, please take your empty plastic containers to the recycle centres and help to save planet Earth. Keep the link @ElvaJamaica on Twitter or elvachatalot@yahoo.com.



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