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The Error of her Ways

Sunday, September 02, 2012    

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"Hope is a lover's staff,

Walk hence with that

And manage it against

Desperate thoughts."

Shakespeare, The Two Gentlemen of Verona III, 1

SO many women tend to live in hope, they often sit and dream that their future life with a man will be that of perfection, with no flaws, no quarrels, no arguments, no heated discussions, no speed bumps in the road.

First they hope for a man, then, when they get that man, they hope that he will be the perfect man of their dreams. And if he isn't, then she darn well will make him into who she wants him to be.

Is it any wonder why history and fairy tales have always told stories of women waiting on a knight in shining armour who will come along and whisk the damsel away to live happily ever after?

How come there are no stories of men sitting and dreaming of the perfect woman? Is it because men have low expectations, will settle for less, while women live in constant hope of snagging the perfect being?

Jamaicans have this saying, 'Live in Hope and die in Constant Spring, referring to the geographical areas named Hope and Constant Spring. But the point is not lost; women are dreamers, even though they are very practical too... when they want to be. But, just like the men, who I wrote about a few weeks ago, women also do make mistakes, errors, gaffes, but ones that men dare not mention.

I will be bold, I will venture forth and point out the errors that women often make, right after these responses to Our Olympics.

Hey Tony Rob,

What a pleasant and warm article you wrote regarding the Olympics, and you were so right when you said that it was our Olympics. London was transformed into a sea of black, green and gold, and those who weren't Jamaican, wanted to be Jamaican, at least for the duration of the games. My gosh, they even rearranged the final two relays with Usain and our team in mind, and my, how we delivered with a world record run. We in the Diaspora, as you all like to call us, had a huge groundswell of pride, and could hold our heads high and be proud to be Jamaican. Well done, Tony.

Trevor

Brockley, SE 4

London, UK

Teerob,

Your take on the Olympics made good reading, and you painted the black, green and gold in fine style. Our athletes really made us proud, and even the detractors had to stand in awe as we wowed the world for the second time since the Beijing Olympics. Even the experts had to smile, as the script was written and we followed it to a 'T'. What an Olympics it was for us, and what a great little country our 'Rock' is. Go deh, Jah mek yah!

Robert

A few weeks ago I wrote about the common mistakes that men made concerning women. So many women agreed with me. But is it the case of them seeing the mote (speck) in the other person's eye, but not seeing the beam in their eye, as the Bible pointed out?

Oh yes, women are often quick to point out the flaws of men, but never admit to the mistakes that they tend to make. Even recently I got an e-mail that said, "Words of wisdom: If you're wrong and you shut up, you're wise, if you're right and you shut up, you're married." Now who would dare say something like that?

But it just may be true, for few men dare to point out the flaws and errors of women, if they want to have any loving when night falls.

Still, women do make mistakes, and somebody has to tell them, so who better than me should bell the cat? One common mistake that women make is seeing every man as a potential husband. Nothing scares a man more, as he feels like he has a bullseye on his back. Most men will enter a relationship to have a good time, share a few laughs, have some sex, get to know the lady, then see what happens. And if she works out to his liking, and she's a keeper, then so be it.

Still, there's many a slip between the cup and the lip. Very rarely does a man meet a woman and think, "Oh my, she could be my wife," unless he's driven by lust. Most times he'll think, "Wow, she look good, I want to get close to her... I want her."

Women though, do not just see boyfriend, lover, or friend, but potential husband. Therefore, the man is scrutinised and judged from day one.

"Is he responsible, is he the father-type, is he ambitious, does he have a good job, could I marry him?" All those thoughts go through a woman's head when she first meets a man, and that's why her hopes are often dashed when that guy falls short of her high expectations. And yet women continue to make this error time and time again. Perhaps if she just accepted the guy as a date, then a boyfriend, and takes it day by day, she would get to know him over time. But no, she has her stopwatch that's ticking from the first second, and she wants 'instant' husband. Just like instant cake mix to be stirred and baked all in a short time.

No wonder women always say, "I wasted so much time with him... he was going nowhere." That's because she was looking for something very different from what he was looking for, and in a short time frame too. Big error.

The other error is to categorise men and put them in a narrow band of acceptance. Oh yes, many women will not admit to it, while others will shout it from the rafters that they only want a certain type of man. I know this young lady who is quite upset that her cousin is involved with a man who drives a taxi in Toronto.

"Couldn't she have done better? Imagine, she has her Master's degree, and it's a taxi man she end up with?!" Therein lies a huge error that women tend to make. They place men in boxes, and woe betide you if you do not fit snugly into that box. Not only must you be a man of means, but you must be able to show that you are a few rungs above blue collar worker. Maybe that taxi driver earns a wad of money, but I guess the prestige of being a doctor, lawyer or indian chief is just not there. Women continue to make this error, then complain that there are no good men around.

Trying to change the man is the other mistake that women often make. For some strange reason, a good man is just not that good, as far as she's concerned, unless he falls into the image of what she wants him to be. He's good, yes, but he can be a whole lot better. Maybe it's a part of a woman's DNA to want to adjust, makeover, change, mould any man that she gets involved with. So, many women see men as projects, and they have told me so too.

"When I've finished with him, he'll be exactly how I want him to be; the perfect man."

I'm pretty sure that you've seen examples of this, as the man starts out one way and ends up being a completely different person, courtesy of his woman. Maybe you'll remember one of our popular dancehall stars who was so transformed by his woman that people hardly knew him. His mode of dress, his style, music, personality, all changed. He never had a hit song until he escaped from her clutches. And yet, the women see no wrong in that, and accept it as the norm.

A woman will meet the man and seem to accept him for who he is, at least for the short term, as his personality and habits were the attraction. But as soon as they're established, her floor plan and blueprint for the man comes out.

"Honey, don't you think that you'd look better in a pink shirt, cream linen pants, and pointed toe white loafers?" It's asked as a question, but beware, it's an edict, a royal command. In other words, "I would like to see you looking like that."

This is a man who's used to wearing jeans, polo shirts and track shoes. That's the way she met him, and that's the way he's been for years. But her role is to improve the model, make him a better man, transform him into the person that she wants him to be. Resistance is futile, and after a while, even the toughest hombre will have a hint of metrosexuality in him.

"My, my, you see how Germain change up, you see his pink shirt, his drawstring pants, his new Gucci shoes? Is must be his wife fixing him up."

Listen, wives have told me that they are responsible for their husband's appearance, and he will not leave the house looking like a jing bang, as people will blame her, and not him. "How he looks is a reflection on me, so I have to make sure that he looks good."

Still, it's a grave error that women always make, trying to completely change a man.

Another error is being too inquisitive. Women have not learnt yet, that the surest way to get a man to clam up is to ask him too many questions. Just let him be, but show interest, and see how freely the information flows. Men love to talk, and if they love and trust their woman, they will chat till kingdom come. But if she starts on the inquisition, then he'll clam up.

Ah, women and their errors. They deny men sex, feed them too much, get jealous too early, try to change him, and often are too picky-picky, picking and choosing until they're all picked out, and nuh man nuh leff fi choose from. But maybe it's those mistakes that makes them so interesting. Also don't knock it, for some men do need changing, and behind most successful men, are women who made errors that improved their lot. More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: There's no doubt that Jamaica is a huge world power as far as our athletics, culture and music goes. But what is also true, is that it's the people from the so-called poorer classes that have put us on the map and made our influence so great. Almost all of our athletes, our singers, our deejays, are products of the inner city and poor rural areas, and have made us proud over the years.

There is a mental and physical toughness that exists in people who have known poverty and hardship. Our sportsmen continue to stun the world, and have touched every corner of the globe. Even the religion of Rastafari has a far-reaching influence around the world. We should ask ourselves why. Many people will chat and pontificate, while others simply perform well, and make a great mark.

Another thing, I'm tired of Jamaicans living abroad telling me how we should run our country and what we should do. We live here and have to face the problems and solve them, they live there in foreign and do nothing but chat.

Why can't our weather people get it right? More on this next week.

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