Can't find nobody


Sunday, January 21, 2018

Print this page Email A Friend!

Albeit I will confess thy father's wealth

Was the first motive that I woo'd thee, Anne:

Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of more value

Than stamps in gold or sums of sealed bags.

— Shakespeare, The Merry Wives of Windsor, III, 4

At first he wanted her not for herself, but only because of her father's wealth. But after wooing her, getting to know her, he realised that she had more value than gold itself, or money in sealed bags. She meant something to him and had value all on her own, and he wanted her for who she was and nothing else.

Isn't that why people seek each other, to gain companionship, have a meaningful relationship, fall in love, and if young enough, get married and live happily ever after? It sounds so simple, straight out of the Penny Dreadful books, the Mills and Boon novels, yet it can be as elusive as a naked pickpocket running down King Street with a purloined purse or captured cellphone in his hand. So difficult to catch, and impossible to hold on to.

And yet, that is what many people, mostly women, are going through. They just can't seem to find anybody to call their own. Why is this so, with so many people in the world and so many eligible souls in Jamaica who are all seeking the same thing?

We'll take a look at this unfortunate situation, right after these comments about my piece on 'Men want it more'.

Hi Tony,

I agree with your assessment that men want sex more than women, but I also believe that there are more women than we may think who also desire it. Most women also have the itch that needs scratching, but they have greater restraint than males. They do not wish to appear eager or to be thought of as 'sluts', so they keep a low profile when it comes to the 'itching' that may get 'scratched'. But they do not go around boasting about it the way men do. But yes, men do want it more.



You are wise beyond your years. Of course men want it more, and if they didn't, they wouldn't be chasing females from the dawn of time. If that wasn't the case, then it would be women running down men, women buying male prostitutes on a large scale, women going to go-go clubs to watch naked men dancing, husbands instead of wives refusing sex, and sexual harassment suits filed against women and not men. Give me a break, that's a no-brainer. You were spot on with your analysis.


I could not control my laughter when I read Carolyn Cooper's article in the Sunday Gleaner of January 7, titled 'Finding romance online in 2018'. I have written about this sort of thing before over the years, the fact that some women are so, eager to find romance that they will scurry up and down through every nook and cranny, turning over every moss-covered rock in their quest to find a man. “I will leave no stone unturned until I find a man to complete my life.”

But I must confess, when I actually saw it written by a woman, it knocked me for a loop, as so many women have chastised me in the past for daring to expose their desperation in my columns. Well, story come to bump now. The first sentences from the article go: “On the very first day of the new year, I signed up for membership on the singles club, 876 website. I've taken a very old-fashioned approach to this business of romance: waiting for Mr Right Now to just show up. But I have concerned friends who've decided that I must help him to find me. A year ago, one of them gave me a crisp US$20 bill to register on”

Was I reading right, was the goodly professor joining the ranks of desperate….er, eager women who will do almost anything to find romance, including going on an website? Or was it meant to be tongue in cheek, a parody on society, a satire, a humorous prod at the women who seek love?

The fact is, true or false, fact or fiction, joke to you or death to bullfrog, parody or satire, there are women who just can't find nobody….er, anybody. They are destined to live their lives in emotional stasis, a sort of loveless hibernation, a cold, passionless coma, bereft of male companionship, desperate….er, eager for love.

Is there a reason some women can't find anybody, even as other women can pick, choose, and refuse? It was Shakespeare's Caesar who said, 'Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look.' Well, who knows, that look could very well apply to some of these women who just can't find anybody.

Now, I am no way being unkind, but the fact that Carolyn Cooper, an accomplished, distinguished, educated professor of note, chose to write about finding romance and using the medium of the Internet via those dating sites, is perhaps an indictment on other women. “Imagine, if smaddy like she cyaan find a man, what chance do I have?” some women may say.

Truth be told, there are some women who will never land a man, and even if they do manage to snare one along the way, he'll quickly wiggle out of her grasp and seek freedom. Desperate women do not make great companions.

I have known a few women who fit that mould, and the first words out of their mouths and the following sentences always say, “Why can't I find a nice man like you… don't you have any nice friends or brothers?” Desperation is a cursed millstone that hangs on their words and weighs them down.

It acts as a repellent to men, for no man wants to know that a woman has been on the shelf for so long that she now has to look for a man online. Yes, folks, this online dating phenomenon has roared through the romantic ravines like a tsunami, and the makers are making millions off the desperation…er, eagerness, of these women.

I remember this lady friend who spent many years perusing these online dating sites and frittered away a lot of money while doing so. Her cyber search took her from America to Africa, Dunkirk to Denmark, Trinidad to Timbuktu, Zaire to New Zealand, until she finally ended up in Alaska with an Inuit man. I kid you not. She sold her stuff, took up and flew off to colder climes to be with Nanook of the North. It's because of her why I became aware of all those different dating sites.

I used to ask her, “Aren't you afraid you pick up tack, meet some perverse, perverted, prurient predator from Plouden?” She responded, “Teerob, right now I am getting up in age. I'll take anybody who shows me interest, as long as he's a man.” Desperate times do call for desperate measures.

Why is it so difficult for these women to find romance while others do not suffer that fate? Puss and dog don't have the same luck, they say. It's not about looks either, for there are many beautiful women who are living in no man's land, as I wrote a few years ago, even as many Plain Janes are romantically involved and even happily married to good men.

Is it about attitude, being too picky, abrasive personality, too bossy, lacking in sex appeal, miserable, who knows? Misery is a powerful repellent and a miserable woman is hell to a man. Personally, based on my vast experience, I think that some women are simply unmarryable, if there's such a word. I shall explore that in the future. Men just simply do not want to get involved with them, and they either can't find anybody or keep flitting from one sour relationship to the next, always blaming the men, but never themselves.

“Oh, he couldn't handle a strong woman like me,”

“He couldn't deal with my independent personality.”

“He just wasn't my type.” They ALL weren't her type.

For the moment I have to focus on those desperate… eager souls who have now resorted to the Internet to find love and happiness that Al Green sang about. The irony is, most men troll those looking-for-love sites seeking sex, while the eager, women throw out their lines hoping to snare love.

But even as they do, most of them still can't find anybody.

More time.

Footnote: I must touch on sports here and mention how the media sometimes falls short. In December an All Schools Team from Manning and DaCosta Cup players went to Florida to take part in an annual football competition. I understand that they won the competition hands down, yet there has not been one shred of information in the press about the achievement. I even learned that Tarique McGhee from JC was offered a scholarship based on his performance. Secondly, why is it that only the coaches are interviewed on TV after our local Premier League matches? I already know what they're going to say every time, “We gave up a soft goal, didn't convert our chances….” What about interviewing the players too?

Now you can read the Jamaica Observer ePaper anytime, anywhere. The Jamaica Observer ePaper is available to you at home or at work, and is the same edition as the printed copy available at




1. We welcome reader comments on the top stories of the day. Some comments may be republished on the website or in the newspaper � email addresses will not be published.

2. Please understand that comments are moderated and it is not always possible to publish all that have been submitted. We will, however, try to publish comments that are representative of all received.

3. We ask that comments are civil and free of libellous or hateful material. Also please stick to the topic under discussion.

4. Please do not write in block capitals since this makes your comment hard to read.

5. Please don't use the comments to advertise. However, our advertising department can be more than accommodating if emailed:

6. If readers wish to report offensive comments, suggest a correction or share a story then please email:

7. Lastly, read our Terms and Conditions and Privacy Policy

comments powered by Disqus



Today's Cartoon

Click image to view full size editorial cartoon