Don't look, don't touch, don't speak

Sunday, June 24, 2018

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Thou dost in thy passage of life

Make me believe that thou art only mark'd

For the hot vengeance and the rod of Heaven

To punish me for my misreadings.

— Shakespeare, 1 Henry, IV, iii, 2


So many men have been punished for their misreading, as they totally misconstrued the signals that the ladies were putting out. As a result the man is embroiled in a whole heap of trouble, problems, crosses, which may manifest in a rebuff, a slap, or even a lawsuit, depending on what country he is in.

If you read my piece about the Me Too Movement a few weeks ago, you may recall where numerous women accused men of all manner of sexual impropriety. I concluded that in a short while men would have to walk with their hands down by their sides, don't dare to look at a woman, don't utter any words that may offend her, and most of all, don't touch her. A Zombie.

What's a man to do, wait on the right signals from the woman? And pray tell, what would those be? The dropped hankie is so lame and passé, plus that would be lost on the modern man. Should she then do the pursuing? I don't think so, as she would be deemed loose, forward and easy.

Maybe there should be a set of rules that men should follow, a handbook so to speak, or even a simple illustration like the caricature of those three monkeys sitting on a wall. The first has his hands over his eyes, see no evil; the second has his hands over his ears — hear no evil; and the third covers his mouth, speak no evil.

That's what men will soon be reduced to: monkeys who cannot look at, speak to, or touch women. We'll monkey around that topic today, right after these responses to 'Me too, yeah right'.


Hi Tony,

You said it all, brother. The times we are living in, we can no longer flirt, joke, or simply touch without being accused of sexual impropriety or misconduct. Romance is dead if you have to ask permission to plant a goodnight kiss on the person you took to dinner and a show. No more spontaneous passionate embrace. We had better have a lawyer-drafted permission slip to be signed before making any moves on your date.



Mr Teerob,

I do agree that some women take it to a ridiculous extreme and may even lie about the so-called improper advances of men. But for every wrong accusation, there are right ones too, and those should be addressed. Too many libidinous men have gotten away with slackness, even as too many spiteful women have gotten away with ruining men by lying.



I saw a photograph of three beautiful women who were all dressed provocatively, sexily, alluringly, with more legs, breasts and thighs showing than in a KFC Big Deal. That naturally got my attention, but what caught my eye even more was the caption that accompanied the photograph that said, “If you don't want people touching your critters, don't make your barn look like a petting zoo.” Written by a grandma too.

The truth is, women give mixed signals, as they parade around almost stark naked, showing everything except their DNA, and then expect no reaction from men, or women. Seriously, when a woman leaves her house in shorts that are little bigger than a bikini bottom, wispy blouse that would entice a breastfeeding baby, then struts around in public, what's really on her mind?

Of course, women should be able to dress any way they wish without being harassed, but that doesn't occur in the real world, so let's get real. Why do police advise people not to flash cash or jewellery in public? Not to attract robbers. Basic common sense. So why put cream at puss mout then expect him not to lick it?

That's why there is the term, “dress modestly”, which means to dress in a way that does not give men the wrong signal. If a man went on a date with a woman and she showed up in tight shorts and bare midriff, what do you think would go through his mind? It doesn't give him the right to violate her, but his mind will be pointed in one direction.

Women have told me that when they went on first dates they made sure to wear jeans and a shirt-like blouse, just to avoid giving the wrong impression. “Jeans hard to come off and don't show any leg or thigh, so he can't think anything.”

But apart from scantily clad women, what about the poor guy who's interested in a lady; what's he supposed to do to show his intentions? Here's where the permission slip that reader mentioned in his letter comes into play.

Don't look. If he looks at her 'in a certain fashion' he can be accused of leering in a lurid, lascivious, lusting, libidinous, lecherous way. All this from a simple look? So he has to avert his gaze, look only at her forehead, never letting his eyes glance down to her chest, lips, legs or bottom, or he'll be in trouble.

“What are you looking at, why are you looking at me in that sexual way?” So he has to place his hand over his eyes like that monkey that I mentioned earlier. That being said, I'm sure you've heard the term, “He was undressing me with his eyes, I tell you.”

You may think that it's a joke, but back in the day in the USA, a black man who looked at a white woman in a way deemed inappropriate could be lynched. I mentioned it a while back. Crazy eyeballing, it was called, and it was a serious crime with tragic circumstances. Has it returned, but with a different name?

Don't touch. There was a time when a man could hold a woman's hand, give her a hug, touch her on her shoulder, or even run his fingers through her hair. Well, that hair touching is a no-no, for with all the weaves, wigs and extensions being worn nowadays, it is ill advised for any man to touch a woman's head.

But if he gives her a hug, it's considered inappropriate. Mark you, some men take this hugging thing too far and use it as an excuse to press her breasts as close to his chest as possible. There are men who take it to the extreme and hug women in the same way a bear would hug and squeeze its prey. Hence the term bear hug. But a simple brief innocuous hug to someone who you know should not be a big deal.

Neither should he hold her hands, put his arm around her waist, unless they're on the dance floor. Yet women are allowed to touch men all the time. Still, just to be on the safe side, it's best to keep your hands to yourself, and do not touch. There are some men who have wandering hands and take on the persona of an octopus when they are around women.

“I felt a hand on my shoulder, one on my hip, another on my butt, two around my waist, and one caressing my neck. How can one man have so many hands?”

“Unnu Jamaican man love touch, touch ooman too much; keep yu hands to yuself.”

Don't speak. They say that the tongue is the most dangerous organ. The spoken word is so powerful, does so much damage, yet cannot be retrieved. So now more than ever, men dare not say anything to women, apart from harmless banter, and even that can be misconstrued. “How yu mean I look good for my age?”

No more niceties, such as, “Looking good baby.”

“Baby, baby, is who yu calling baby, I look like pickney to you?”

“How about a date next week end?”

“A date, what for? I hardly know you. Why? Are you looking me?”

“Wow, you look hot.”

“You have a nerve calling me hot. What does that mean anyway, you want to have sex with me?”

“Hey nice lady.”

“Nice lady, how do you know I'm nice? You too bright.”

“Good evening?”

“What's good about it? Get away.”

No man knows what to say any more as everything is off limits. It's best to stick to the weather and even that may cause problems if you say, “It may rain later, don't get wet.” “A cold front is near, but a warm front will soon follow.”

“I beg your pardon? Get away, you pervert.”

So, gentlemen, it hasn't happened here as yet, but perhaps in the near future, if we follow the USA, there will be an edict that says, 'Don't look, don't touch, don't speak.'

More time.


Footnote: It was a long time in the making, but finally The Jamaica Karate Federation is not only up and running, but has been accepted and endorsed by The Jamaica Olympic Association. This is really a big deal as it opens doors for Jamaican competitors, here and in the diaspora, to compete in officially sanctioned tournaments held by the World Karate Federation (WKF) and also the Olympics.

At long last, the many karate schools can now speak with one united voice to not only build, but advance the noble discipline of karate. It's more than just punching and kicking, but this recognition is invaluable. Osu. And yes, it's different from Taekwondo, Aikido, Judo and Kung Fu.




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