Fake lives

Fake lives


Sunday, January 24, 2021

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To thine own self be true,

And it must follow

As the night the day,

Thou canst not then

Be false to any man.

William Shakespeare

We live in a world of fake everything, especially fake news. There was a time when we could believe almost everything that we heard, read or saw, but now we have to check and confirm to make sure that it comes from a credible source.

Even so, fake things are not new, so much so that the French have a word for it faux that gives it a dubious air of respectability.

“Oh, I see that you're wearing a genuine mink coat.”

“No, it's actually faux fur.”

This has filtered to the general society where almost every other person has something fake, make that faux, about them. We can't even tell what is real and what is not, and who is the genuine article or not.

This is apparent, especially in fashion, where the ladies have on more fake stuff than what's in a counterfeit factory in China. Apart from the garments and accessories though, the fake stuff has permeated almost every aspect of society. It has, in effect, taken over people's lives to become fake lives.

We'll see what this is all about, right after we see what these folks had to say about my take on the 'Monogamy challenge'.

Hi Tony,

It seems unfair that men are allowed to have several wives or concubines in some societies, while the women are not allowed the same privileges. The man can rotate his women so that he can sleep with a different woman each night or better yet, sleep with more than one at a time. In those societies, the women are supposed to be monogamous, or at least appear to be so.



You are a naughty man, but there is method in your mirth yet. We live in a hypocritical society where everyone professes monogamy but practises or thinks polygamy. Those who are monogamous would secretly wish to play the field, but fear keeps them in check. Which normal man does not have thoughts of having sex with someone other than his woman, even once? Yet he dare not say. As for the women, they're as secretive as cats.


I remember seeing this movie years ago, starring Leonardo DeCaprio, titled Catch Me If You Can, where this guy assumed numerous identities and personas and lived a life of illusion as he eluded the authorities.

At one point he was a teacher, then a businessman, then a priest, even an airline pilot, and used his various disguises to bilk people out of their money. He would study for his roles diligently, so that he could blend in and speak the language of the profession.

At one juncture he would be in his suit, hobnobbing with Fortune 500 businessmen, discussing the vagaries of the stock market, making sure not to talk bull so that they could bear with him and accept his advice.

Then he would don a pilot's uniform and chit chat with other pilots and airline personnel at airports in order to get free flights across the country. “I'm just coming from a redeye long haul on a 747 Heavy carrying a payload of 350, bucking some stiff headwind. Can I hitch a ride on the jumpseat with you guys?”

Incredibly, the story was true, as the real guy, Frank Abagnale, lived the life of luxury until the FBI caught up with him. Incredibly, the FBI employed him to catch other scam artists. But life does imitate art, and I daresay that there are countless people living fake lives right here in our midst. Some are discovered for who they are, but others are so skilful that their fake lives eventually become them.

Even as we speak, there is a case of a young man in Florida who tried living the life of a medical doctor, and just recently the wife of American actor Alec Baldwin was discovered to be using a fake Spanish accent for many years, even telling people that she was born in Barcelona, Spain. She's actually from Brooklyn.

When she was outed, her accent suddenly disappeared... just like that. Hasta la vista, baby. This occurs right here in Jamaica too, where some people who never travelled or may have had a brief holiday stint in foreign, now have an accent worthy of any lord or lady of Downtown Abbey or Ascot.

“But how she suh speaky spokey like Queen Elizabeth?”

“Oh, she spent two weeks in England as a child and now has a faux accent.”

Other people will adopt a fake American accent and have more twang than what's on an eight string guitar, or even better, a French accent that gives them an air of sophistication.

“Imagine, one business trip to Paris and she have French accent.”

Somehow having that fake accent gives them more status or credibility…or so they think.

The irony is, people from other counties adopt our accent and assume the role of Jamaicans. I still remember when I used to live in England as a student, there were guys around me who sounded more Jamaican than Maas Gussie from Clarendon. It was only when we got to talking about specifics and I mentioned places like Spanish Town, Yallahs, Portland, etc, that I was met with blank stares. They then confessed that they weren't Jamaican, but from St Kitts, Antigua, Grenada and were clueless.

Somehow being Jamaican carried more weight and nobody would mess with them. Living this fake life boosted their self-esteem and gave them more confidence. So apart from the fake hair, fake lashes, fake butts and other fake body parts that women love, there are so many people who are as counterfeit as the goods they parade around in.

But it's in the bedroom that the fake lives exist. Yes, my friends, fake lives matter, and the oldest deception known to mankind is the fake orgasm, the icing on the cake, the pinnacle of pleasure, the epitome of fake lives. Master that and you conquer men. Conquer men and you rule the world.

I remember seeing an episode of the old TV sitcom, Seinfeld, where the star Jerry's ex-girlfriend confessed to faking her orgasms during their relationship. He was mortified and asked her, “So all that moaning, groaning, screaming, crying, expletives weren't real?”

“Fake, fake, fake, fake,” she replied.

“All the time?”

“Yes, all the time.”

Oh yes, women do perpetuate the myth of the elusive orgasm by faking it to please their men. Why do they do it? “So that the man feels good and thinks that he can rock my world,” is what the respondents say. So they do it because they're deceptive or because they care?

Most men are duped and get caught all the time, even as they boast of their prowess in the bedroom, thanks to the theatrics and drama award-winning performances of some fake lives matter women. “Man, she was kicking and screaming and calling out mi name,” is what he tells his friends. In truth, it was just one of the main performance successes of her fake life.

That being said, someone once asked the question, “Why do women fake orgasms?” the reply was, “Because they think that men care.” Hey, some men fake it too, just to hurry up and finish the act of having sex with an ugly woman, or he wants to catch the game on TV.

But why live a fake life, why be what you are not and assume the persona of someone else? The reason people live fake lives is to enhance their self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves and try to please their partners and others too.

Of course, there are some who live a fake life for their own personal gain, as they fake their qualifications in order to get better jobs or fake being good just to win confidence and dupe other people. Someone once said, “The path to success is sincerity; if you can fake being sincere you will succeed.”

I remember back at the old Jamaica Broadcasting Corporation this white guy showed up from a major network station from the USA, or so he said. He strutted around giving orders and holding meetings, displaying all the characteristics of a media manager. He was having a ball too, until someone discovered that he was a fraud. Yes, he did work at the major network, but as an inventory sorter in the mailroom. Which reinforces my point of living a fake life to get by. Just act like you're from foreign or put on an accent and you're on the gravy train of deception. Still, perhaps no matter what you fake, as long as you don't hurt anyone, it's okay. So say some people.

As for me, from now on I shall be known as Count Antonio, descendant of the great kings from the royal lineage of Wakanda, and my Afro-french accent is real.

More time.


Footnote: Police work is difficult and never ending. One area that it's almost impossible to control is that of domestic violence and crime. When a man decides to do his spouse harm in the confines of the home there is nothing that the police can do except show up afterwards to the scene of the crime. We are seeing these horrific crimes within the family where brothers kill brothers, uncles killing nieces, even a mother and daughter implicated in the murder of her son. The Bible did say, 'Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child, and children will rise up against parents and have them put to death.' Mark 13;12

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