Observe the violent partner warning signs

Observe the violent partner warning signs

Tuesday, January 14, 2020

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Dear Editor,

It is a sad fact of life that many Jamaican men believe that they own the women they are in relationships with. Therefore, as far as they are concerned, it is all about them. If they want to keep other women along with the wife/girlfriend it does not matter what she thinks. If the woman looks at or speaks with another man, the husband/boyfriend is likely to abuse her. And if she decides to end the relationship he may kill her.

Unfortunately, this sick kind of thinking is not going to change overnight. For the foreseeable future we are going to see men exhibiting this notion of “ownership” of their women, and will continue to treat them as if they are their property. Those women who are in this kind of relationship will need to find a way to get out without getting killed.

Fortunately, those who are not yet in any kind of relationship with a man can protect themselves by paying attention to how the man speaks and behaves before starting a relationship with him. What are his views about women? How does he speak about the women he previously had relationships with? How does he speak about abusive men? Does he excuse their behaviour? Does this man respect her views if they are different from his? How does he behave when he is angry? Importantly, has this man ever attempted to hit her? If yes, she needs to know that if it even so much as enters his mind to hit her he will eventually do it.

These are just some of the cues a woman needs to pay attention to before she starts a relationship with a man. If in answering these questions a woman has doubts as to whether this man will respect her as a person who has a right to her choices and opinions, she may need to decline a relationship with him. Too many women have decided to “give the man a chance” despite the danger signs and end up either paying with their lives or their freedom to live as they choose.

To the women who are in abusive relationships I sympathise with them and urge them: Be wise in how you seek to end these toxic relationships. To the women who are not yet in relationships, I urge them to think long and hard before saying yes to a man.

Calvin E Isaacs


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