7 Reasons Why I Would Never Cheat On My Wife
Thinking about my wife, my mother, my grandmother, and all the mothers who play a role in the blessings of my life, one of the highest forms of honour I can give them is to remain faithful in my marriage. In today's society, this is not easy, but who said life is supposed to be easy?
This is an actual conversation that took place between me and a staffer (supplied by the venue) at one of my events:
Guy: C'mon son, I know you're married, but don't tell me you ain't smashin' none of these hotties that be comin' to your events?
Guy: C'mon son?
Guy: You crazy, Paul. You crazy in the head... even if I was married I would be runnin' all through them hoes.
Me: That's because you haven't grown up yet.
I've had enough with all the talk about why men and women cheat. Every time a celebrity gets caught cheating on their spouse the media rolls out all the "experts" to tell us the drivers behind why we men cheat. Most of the conversation is tongue-in-cheek with an undertone, especially for men, that implies that "everyone does it". Well, BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: EVERYONE DOES NOT CHEAT! As a matter of fact, based on all the research I can get my hands on, the overwhelming majority of data states that "most" of us (men and women in committed relationships) DO NOT cheat.
Now that we have that out of the way, can we also please put an end to the countless excuses and reasons for those who do cheat? I mean, are Tiger Woods and Arnold Schwarzenegger really "psychological sex addicts", or are they simply irresponsible and immature guys? I have a very simple theory when it comes to cheating: Those who do haven't grown up yet, point-blank, period. Ladies who cheat are not real women and fellas who cheat are not real men. Cheating is a distinguishing line between the men and boys and the women and girls - one group understands, accepts, and takes responsibility, the other doesn't. If I were able to spend some more time with the guy I was in the conversation with at my event, I would have gone into more detail to spell out to him the responsibility that real men and women undertake when in a committed relationship. I would have given him the reasons I don't cheat on my wife.
1) Wedding Vows Mean Something to Me
My mother truly etched this in my mind. I remember when I was a little boy, listening to her and my father argue, and asking if they would divorce. She would look back with a smile and say, "Our wedding vows were a promise made before the Lord. I don't plan to break any promises I make before the Lord." Now granted, my parents had verbal spats, not WWF sessions, so I can see instances where divorce is a recourse, but the point my mother's story drives at is about hearing and accepting those very powerful words in your wedding vows: "Do you promise to love, comfort, honour and keep them for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful only to them so long as you both shall live?"
2) My Wife Deserves Better
I can speak for most men who fall deeply in love and tell you that when it happens, your desire to protect surges. The question of "How can I protect and shield my beloved from pain?" becomes a key fibre in your existence. I'm so methodical about this, when my wife and I watch TV, I deliberately turn the channel when those ASPCA commercials come on, otherwise, I know she's going to start crying. I fully embrace my role as protector, so how could I deliberately wound her? She deserves better.
3) Letting My Son Down Is Not An Option
When I found out my wife was having a boy, I was incredibly excited. Not just because of the traditional 'proud father wanting a son' thought, but I was excited about the opportunity to raise a man. This takes enormous responsibility, and ultimately, I know my son will be what he sees, and when he sees his father, I want him to see honour and integrity.
4) Letting My Mentees Down Is Not An Option, Either
I mentor several young people, mostly in high school and college. The reason letting my mentees down is not an option is identical to why I can't let my son down: They will be what they see.
5) I Refuse to Disrespect My Parents & Grandparents
I have two living grandparents, both over 89. They, as well as my parents, sacrificed too much for me to dishonour their legacy or our family name. Family means everything to me, and I wear my last name, in particular, very proudly.
6) I'm 100% Satisfied with My Sex Life
I don't want to cross the TMI line here, but let me just say, daddy is very happy!
7) The Haters Would Win
As more and more folks follow my work (which I continue to be humbled by), I've noticed the pool of haters forming - one even sent me a message saying that they look forward to the day when I get caught up in a "Tiger Woods-like-incident." Well, I have news for all my haters: You're going to be waiting, and waiting, and waiting, because this guy doesn't cheat!
Paul Carrick Brunson is an international television personality, 2013 NAACP Image Award nominee, Huffington Post blogger and the world's first African-American male matchmaker and relationship coach. His best-selling book It's Complicated (But It Doesn't Have to Be) is in stores now. Contact him directly through PaulCBrunson.com or fb.com/PaulCBrunson or twitter.com/PaulCBrunson