A Sexologist’s Guide to Kissing (an excerpt from The
New Sex Bible)

Saturday, February 11, 2017

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Though kissing may be a deeply entrenched dating and mating ritual in our culture, many cultures have prospered without locking lips, which serves as a reminder that kissing is an erotic art (as opposed to a reproductive imperative).

Making out results in a flurry of feel-good hormones that promote relaxation and bonding. Yet the sexes view it differently. Men are more likely than women to seek and initiate deep-tongue kissing, and they tend to utilise it as a means to an end (sex), whereas many women report that they view kissing as a barometer with which to gauge their lover’s commitment and monitor their relationship status.

However you view it, smooching plays a prominent role in seduction, romantic attachment, and sexual arousal. Unfortunately in long-term relationships, we often stop kissing or push passionate kissing aside in favour of other forms of foreplay. And while there is no universal hierarchy of sex acts, research suggests that kissing is not only good for your health but also promotes happier relationships. In one study conducted by behavioural scientist Kerry Floyd, couples who were instructed to kiss more often reported fewer fights, greater relationship satisfaction, less stress, and lower cholesterol in comparison to couples who received no instruction with regard to kissing.

Despite the mounting evidence that getting to first base is good for you and your love life, keeping things fresh can be a challenge. Grab your partner and try the following suggestions and techniques designed to keep you happy, healthy, and very much in love for years to come.

The Soft-Lipped Kiss

Some people believe that the world is divided into two types of kissers: soft-lipped and firm-lipped. But the reality is that our sexual style varies according to our mood just as our appetite changes from day to day. If your lover seeks romance and often needs help relaxing to get in the mood, slide your lips gently against his with only feather-light contact. Take your time and gently pucker his lower lip between your lips, allowing your easy breathing to slow his breath rate and send his body into a state of deep relaxation.

Lip Lining

Give your honey a peek into your oral skills as you masterfully trace your tongue around the curves of her lips, paying extra attention to the thin skin in the corners where the upper and lower lips meet. If her lips remain closed, sensually slide your tongue from one side to the other just inside the crease.

Sweet Spot

You’re probably familiar with the frenulum of the penis, but this sensitive connective tissue also exists just inside the lips. Slide your tongue inside and twirl it purposefully around the shallow space between his upper lips and teeth before moving on to deep, French kissing.

Basic Tongue Twirl

As you press your lips together, tilt your head slightly to the side and suck gently as you twirl your tongue around hers.

Top-Shelf Kiss

Swipe your tongue along the roof of your lover’s mouth, a sensitive and oft-neglected area.

Code Word

Kiss your lover out in public at every stoplight, or come up with a code word or phrase (eg, ‘thank you’ or ‘fun’) and stop what you’re doing to French kiss whenever you hear this buzzword.


Hold one another by the cheeks as you kiss deeply and passionately. The face is the most sensual part of the body but receives little attention in the way of touch.

Additional tips from Jessica

1. The best way to learn how your partner wants to be kissed is to pay attention to how they kiss you. We tend to do unto others as we would have them do unto ourselves, so take their moves as a guide and emulate their style.

2. Surprise them! The element of surprise triggers the release of passion chemicals (the same once that spike when you first fall in love), so be spontaneous and unpredictable this Valentine’s Day. You might even consider celebrating a day early.

3. Use your whole body. A kiss isn’t just about the lips. It’s about the way you caress their face, neck and back. And it’s enhanced by the body, so be passionate and creative.

4. Close your eyes. Sensory deprivation (in this case, visual) enhances the other senses - taste, touch, smell and sound.

Jessica O’Reilly

Sex & Relationship Expert PhD

Dr Jessica O’Reilly, creator of the Sexual Pro Series Webinar Videos www.SexWithDrJess.com






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