I had as lief have,
The foppery of freedom
As the morality of imprisonment.
— Shakespeare, Measure for Measure, 1, 2
The foppery of freedom and the morality of imprisonment. My word, sometimes Shakespeare can really turn a phrase up on its head. But two words stand out, freedom and imprisonment, and no one loves the latter. And guess what, so many people are prisoners of their own being, as they refuse to set themselves free.
Life can be sweet when you're involved with the right person. Every day seems so bright and full of promise. He or she can be your lover, your friend, your confidante, your everything. Things can be so nice. But what sweet nanny goat can run him belly, the old proverb goes.
What happens when things change and that significant other can't bother anymore and decides to move on? Their mind is made up and they have charted a course for themselves..... and it doesn't include you. That ship has sailed and you're left on the dock. So what about you, can you let go of that relationship, can you free yourself from the shackles of a romantic past, sweet memories of yesteryear, blissful nights of untold passion? Can you really let go of all that and move on?
They say that parting can be such sweet sorrow, but whoever said so may need a slap upside his head, as many ladies have told me that there is nothing sweet about their parting from their man, but there was plenty sorrow.
"The sorrow part was spot on, but there was nothing sweet about it. I cannot deal with it, I can't get him out of my head.... I can't let go." It can be a burden that many people find hard to bear.
That's what we'll be exploring today, letting go, right after these responses to 'No more RoMANce'.
I believe that many women who choose a man who is not compatible or are attracted to the 'bad guy' do so because of low self-esteem and think that they can't do, or don't deserve better. As the saying goes, 'You get what you pay for.'
For those women who swear 'never again,' I am reminded of Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem:
I hold it true, whatever befall,
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
New York, NY
I have tried it, and I liked it, but it didn't like me. All I have to show for it is a son who is the dead stamp of his worthless father. That's a constant reminder never to go that route again. At least the boy isn't as worthless as his father, and I hope he never gets that way and treats any woman the way that I was treated.
How do you mean no more romance? Romance is so much fun, especially when you are able to call the shots. I have had men, used them, loved them, then run them. I am a player and I love playing the game. Men are my playthings and I pull their strings. So romance is always on my cards. I love romance. Haha.
I remember seeing the movie titled Heat, starring Robert DeNiro, Al Pacino and a host of other top name stars. Heat was good, but one line that stood out was when De Niro said, "To survive, you have to be able to let go and walk away from anything or anybody." Of course, he was talking about his life as a gangster and not being tied down by anything or anyone, physically, emotionally or morally, that would contribute to his demise. Just walk away.
An admirable trait for badman in the movies. But how many people could do that, just simply walk away, let go, move on to the next experience without looking back? How many people can let go?
Now please don't get me in trouble, for this didn't originate with me, but there is word on the international circle, and locally too, that Jamaica is the only country in the world where politicians do not let go. They never resign, ever, and will hang on to their jobs with the same tenacity and adhesion of a simian hanging on to a tree branch, with all four limbs clinging desperately, never letting go.
No matter what the scandal, no matter what the impropriety, they never let go... as a rule. I bring up this point to illustrate that perhaps this trait is a part of our fabric, our genetic make-up.
This trait unfortunately applies to more women than men, who have to endure the most horrible abuse, yet never let go of the man. They will sit in it and cry and complain, but they never let go. They will even take it further, and when the man finally tires of them and leaves, they still cling to the hope that one day he will return.
The guy will have moved on, even remarried and settled down with his new family, but she still pines over him, never letting go of what used to be. I know older women who are divorced for countless years, yet they still continue to talk about the ex-husband, cursing him, sometimes praising him for his good ways, but never letting go of the memory of the man. Those women never remarry, but choose to 'remain married' to the man even though he's long gone out of their lives.
For some reason, women tend to not let go, more than men, and I'm sure that there is some scientific and psychological mumbo jumbo why this is so. But all that I know as a layman, is that so many women tend to pine after men who have bolted from the stable for greener pastures.
Which brings me back to my theory of this trait being a part of their genetic make-up. And here's why I say so. Just check which parent refuses to let go of their children, especially their sons. That's right, the mother. No matter how big or old that boy gets, the umbilical cord is never severed, but stretches as far as the eye can see, sometimes farther.
If many had their way, the boy would never leave the house, and she would be more than content to have him live with her until he's an old man. Some women simply cannot let go... of anything. Even birds kick the fledgling out of the nest to fend for itself. All animals wean their young, so why can't human mothers?
But it crosses gender too, for men do get attached to things, and cannot let go. For some men it's their job. They treat that job like it's the end all and be all of their existence, and refuse to let go, even though they might be miserable every working day. Maybe it's a fear of venturing out into the unknown, or perhaps they became complacent in their surroundings, but they just can't let go, cannot walk away.
Now, I'm not daft, as one can't just get up and walk off a job for the simplest reason. But there are men who are qualified and offered positions elsewhere, but they still refuse to move. It's not until they are made redundant or fired, that they exhibit a new lease on life.
Very often that's the push that they needed as they move on to better, brighter and greener pastures. 'Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, free at last,' said Martin Luther King Jnr. But those same words are expressed by people who finally let go.
Still, it can't be easy for some people as they get attached and bound by things or people and cannot break free, as they think that they cannot exist without them. Some men cannot let go of their cars, while others can change their vehicles like they change their socks.
"Listen man, to me it's just a car, metal, a machine, nothing to get attached to." Tell that to the cowboy about his horse. That's the way some men treat their cars, just like a loyal steed that they cannot part with.... ever.
A lady friend of mine gave me a story about how she met her husband. She said that it was way back in high school at age 16 when she took one look at him and knew that he was the man for her. The romance blossomed and they got married. He was her everything and she couldn't imagine a life without him.
But sadly, after 15 years they parted ways, and he moved on, got married again. But her memories were still strong. How could she let go? She couldn't, and pined after him for years. Her life came to a standstill until a few years ago when it finally dawned on her that the man was gone, was happy without her.
It suddenly struck her that there could be a life without her childhood sweetheart, her first true love, her soulmate. "It was very difficult, but when I finally saw him with his wife and kids I realised that I just had to let go... so I did."
Her story is not uncommon, for I know quite a few grown women who cling to those memories, never get a life, and cannot let go. No wonder many women resort to elixirs and concoctions designed to hold the men forever, so that even if they want to leave, they cannot.
Why someone would want to hold someone else against their will, either by physical means or necromancy, is beyond me. Here we are in the year 2013, the era of space travel, social media, and smartphones, and people still resort to a witch's brew of herbs and spices worthy of any ancient apothecary in order to hold a man.
'Oil a hold him', 'Oil a tie him', 'Oil a bind him to me', are but a few that are available in order to restrict the man from leaving. "But why go to all that trouble to keep the man?" I ask. After all, if the guy wants to go, then let him, is my thinking. To those women, letting go of a man is not an option that's desired.
So, it's established that there are more women than men sitting at home, never letting go of past romances, than men. That's because men are hardwired differently than women. A husband will walk out, start a new family and don't look back, or a bachelor will move on, find someone new and start a new life.
That being said, there are a few creeps out there who won't allow their women to leave, but the majority of men will forget the woman. They let go. Just look at the numerous baby mothers with different baby fathers and you'll see my point. The guys move on, but the women still cling. So people, don't be tethered by the past, let go and start afresh.
Footnote: Now this has got to take the cake. Can you imagine that the famous Kingston College motto, 'The brave may fall but never yield' has been adopted by another school? The motto translates from the Latin, fortis cadere, cedere non potest, and has been the clarion call of KC for decades. It has even been quoted by other institutions, business leaders and even Parliament. It is the best known school motto in the country, and is the envy of many. Now another school, Tacky High, has taken it as their motto? Are they so bankrupt of ideas that they couldn't find their own, or should KC be flattered? They say that imitation is the best form of flattery. Well, I am not flattered. That's so tacky.