SO Best of Leach 2012
The witty comments of our beloved columnist Sharon Leach knew no bounds in 2012. Each week, she not only shared informed opinions but did so with wryly humorous musings in inimitable style. SO shares our favourite Leachisms of the past year.
"I know when I fondle a cucumber in the fruits and vegetable aisle of my supermarket, I'm automatically lit up with a perverse lust that makes me want to throw myself down and have my way with my own damn self." 12 Fatwas For 2012 published January 1, 2012
"And excuse me, the reason I don't use those five-pound weights that I have stashed behind my TV is that when my fingers get slippery and they drop unceremoniously from my grasp, they break a ceramic tile or two. And everybody knows that there are few things as unsightly as a chipped ceramic tile. So, forget you, Diary. And I mean that in the original Cee Lo way." Some Random Thoughts For You, Dear Diary published on January 15, 2012
"Politicians are always remembered for the promises they break; the lies they tell. When that bond of trust with the people is broken, it's broken. As in a failed love affair, nobody remembers the good times; all that's remembered is the betrayal." Word Is Bond, published January 29, 2012
"Sex and power are not-so-strange bedfellows." Why is The Other Woman the Villain in Every Love Story? published on March 4, 2012
"Let's put this out there: there's a reason single women ask that people call before dropping by. Listen, it's hard out there for a pimp...and a woman trying valiantly to run her household by herself." Living Single, published on April 1, 2012.
"Obviously, a sea change occurred, and there are children today who don't quite understand why Mandela is that big of a deal. While we're at it, in the United States there are 12-year-old children, 9-11 babies I call them. For whom a black president is, well, a fact of life that they will never truly appreciate." Can We Really Laugh About This? published on April 15, 2012
"It would be perfectly understandable if it was discovered that Queen Elizabeth had remained on her knees in prayer for the duration of Prince Harry's trip to Jamaica. Let's face it, the island's reputation isn't exactly unimpeachable; the possibilities for scandals involving the red-headed royal abounded." Scandal, published on April 22, 2012
"We live in Jamaica, land of wood, water and croakin' lizards...Barricading myself in my bedroom and initiating a (forced) hunger strike because I'm too terrified to step foot into the kitchen can't really be a viable long-term option." Is Jus' a Lizard, published on May 6, 2012
"Don't get me started on Obama. I once saw a picture of him stepping off Air Force One in sunglasses and one of his killer suits. Oh Lord. The world's economies may be going to hell in a hand basket, but at least the leader of the free world, as Mission Catwalk designer Keshon — God love him — would say, "edge" (High-fashion, disco, vintage, Barbie doll. Yeah...ka-chure)." Here's to The New Carla Bruni, published on May 20, 2012.
"Unbeknownst to me, though, I was working out the fact that I wasn't meant to be the kind of woman who would endure being dominated by a man, and certainly not one lacking the enlightenment and understanding that for some women, control over their lives is the remit of them and them alone." If Men Are Allowed to Cry, Then Perhaps Porn can be Feminist? Published on May 27, 2012
"Like, seriously? Someone should tell the ones who came out of the closet recently that the bigger story would have been if they'd gone back in." Out and about on Main Street, and, btw, what does a 50-year-old on a mission look like? Published on July 15, 2012
"Does it seem right that the world knows that Kate Middleton went to the courts to keep her exposed breasts from appearing on magazine pages but fewer people heard about the indignity and sheer obscenity those women in Tahrir Square had to suffer simply because they demanded of the new government the right to not be commoditised?" Helen Gurley Brown vs EL James: Whose is the more important message? published on September 30, 2012