Lifestyle

Spurned men

Daddy Oh

With Tony Robinson

Sunday, January 27, 2013    

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What sudden anger's this?

How have I reaped it?

He parted frowning from me, as if ruin

Leap'd from his eyes.

— Shakespeare, Henry VIII, 111, 2

It is said that hell hath no fury like a woman spurned, scorned, rejected. But what is not often said, but is a reality nevertheless, is that men who are spurned have great fury too.

This gender bias regarding how women react when they are rejected, perhaps originated in old dime store love novels and movies where female lovers who were dumped took it badly and reacted with extreme violence. Arsenic and old lace, and other movies showed women doing men in. Who remembers the movie, Fatal Attraction, where the spurned lover went on a rampage and set out to destroy the man's life? "You think that you can just use me then discard me like an orange?"

The scene where she boiled the family's pet rabbit on the kitchen stove was a classic, and is unforgettable. That movie catapulted actress Glenn Close to stardom and made many men think twice about having a mistress and then dumping her. She was spurned, and she sure gave him hell. "I wonder if she going to go fatal attraction on me?"

But few movies have been made about men who have been rejected by women and reacted in the same way that the woman in Fatal Attraction did. We often see movies of men abusing women, like Sleeping with the Enemy and such. But life does imitate art, and truth be told, I really think that more men react badly to being spurned than women do.

At least that's my feeling, based on the various reports that appear in the news daily, of men not taking break-ups well. Spurned men, that's our hell to pay today, right after these responses to 'My married man'.

Tony,

When someone is not in this situation, comments will always be made. If a female goes on a date and finds out that the man is married, she should decide if she wants a relationship or not. At least in some cases, the man advises the woman of his marital status. They can be friends at first, then lovers. Some men and women are only married on paper. They are not happy, so they go elsewhere to find happiness. Everyone has their life to live, so if they prefer married men, the decision is theirs. To each his own.

Simone

Hey Teerob,

While these women bemoan the fact that their men are 'missing in action' on the special holidays, there are men who have multiple families, kids with their wives, as well as with their mistresses, and it is the children of the mistresses for whom I have the most sympathy. These kids don't get to see their fathers often enough, not even on their birthdays and Christmas. While the mistresses do get some time with the husbands, the children get even less.

Richard

Tony,

All that I can say about those man-tiefing women is, get your own man and leave other women's men alone.

Denise

A young lady e-mailed me recently, saying that a guy who she rejected really traced her off, abused her, called her vile names and told her what she should go and do with her you know what. She said, "I turned down a guy the other day and he was so abusive towards me, even though he was extolling my virtues only days before."

To make maters worse, the guy deleted her from his BB Messenger mid-conversation. I told her that she was lucky that at least he showed her his true colours early, and didn't wait until years had passed before he threw off his deceptive coat of respectability.

Just imagine, the night before he was telling her how wonderful she was, whispering sweet nothings in her ear, and the very next day he was cussing her more than a fishmonger and a sketel in a tracing match.

I have seen so many men who call to women on the street, and when they either ignore them, rebuke them, or flat out reject them, the men fly into a tirade that would make even a banshee blush. Those guys would put Shebada to shame.

"Go way gyal, you heel back tough like donkey own, you head dry like coconut brush, you mouth long like crocodile own." All this from a man, just because he was spurned by a woman whom he fancied. And they dare to say that hell hath no fury like a woman spurned? Hell no.

This goes as far back as my high school days, when I would see guys approach girls for a dance. That was when boys actually danced with girls. If he was turned down, he would hiss his teeth, mutter something to her and ask, "Why you bodda come to party fah, if you don't want to dance?" Oh, she wanted to dance all right, but just not with him.

This all stemmed from over-inflated egos and too much testosterone that was even more fuelled by the derisive laughter of his friends looking on as they jeered him. His being rebuffed by that girl was a bitter pill to swallow. "Whoee, look how Wignal walk way cross the dance floor, beg for a dance and get boof by the girl." It's a long walk back across that floor if you're rejected.

I remember some guys just kept on walking or stayed right where they were and refused to come back across the floor as the shame was too much to bear. Men are sensitive that way, and their response is often a burst of anger.

But let's get physical now, for that's where the fury from being rejected and spurned shows its ugly face. Many guys feel that if they have a few dances with a woman then they're betrothed for life. What a thing one dance can do. He first starts to hold her a little tighter, then he may try for a kiss and a tighter hug. When he gets no response from the damsel, or she may even ease him off, the once calm, passive man then shows his true self and heaps abuse on her. "Is what you take big man fah... a lead me on so?!" Poor damsel, what a distress.

The danger lies, though, in the sex department, for that's when a spurned man really gets bringle (angry) and lashes out. After all, he's all pumped up and ready for action, a night of bliss, only to be stopped cold in his tracks. He's put in all the hard work, took her out to a movie, spent a lot of money, behaved the perfect gentleman, even opened the car door for her.

Then when they get back to her place and start to kiss and make out, she suddenly stops and says that they shouldn't go any further because she's a Christian. Then and only then will you see the fury of a man spurned as all hell breaks loose.

"Why you didn't tell me before, why you wait until now and waste me time and money?" But like I said, at least the woman got a chance to see the character of the man, or at least see his lack of character.

For some reason, many men do not handle rejection well. Maybe it stemmed from their childhood where they were denied affection, or perhaps their overblown egos just won't allow them to accept that they are not really God's gift to women as they always thought. As a wise man said about a man like that, "He's a legend in his own mind."

This also applies to the man who is already involved with the woman, but gets turned down by her in the sex department. I have heard of men flying off the handle into an enormous rage, saying, "It's my right as your man to demand and get sex whenever I want."

Men have destroyed furniture and even physically abused women after being spurned like this. Denial of sex is the ultimate rejection in some men's minds, and they do not handle it very well. "Whap'n to yu eye dem Shirley, Cedric box you because you lock shop pon him again?"

Even without sex, men who are denied love often fly into a rage. They will love the woman from a distance, befriend her, and then express feelings for her. She likes him as a friend and tells him so, but doesn't want to take it any further. Oh oh, big mistake, for he wants more. He then resorts to violence because he can't have the object of his desire.

But often the worst case of fury after being spurned is when the man is already involved with the woman and, heaven forbid, she wants to end the relationship. Oh no, that, my dear, is not going to happen. "Once yu deh wid me, yu deh wid me forever...til death do you part."

That's right, many women sign their death warrant the moment they decide to break up with the man. They could be dealing, or married for many years and have as the cliché says, "An on and off again tumultuous relationship." It matters not to him; once she's in she's in, there is no out, and she's going nowhere. Even after years of emotional and physical abuse, plus moving out of the house numerous times, then moving back in again... she... is... going... nowhere.

In so many cases where she manages to flee and find refuge elsewhere, he will hunt her down and kill her... and at times take his own life too. He will not be spurned by her so that she can live to talk about it. Oh yes, murder/suicide is a typical pattern of men who are spurned.

So with all this talk about hell hath no fury like a woman spurned, I think that it should be revisited. Based on the statistics and the women who spoke to me about their experiences, it really should be, "Hell hath no fury like spurned men." More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: They say that work is the curse of the drinking class. At least drinkers say that. Alcohol has always been with us, and even prohibition in the USA many years ago could not staunch the flow of rum, whisky and other forms of alcohol. But it seems to have taken a grip on our young folks nowadays, as the recent TV reports showed.

But all this is not new, and anyone who is just realising the extent of drinking among our young people must be drunker than them. Teenagers have been drinking hard for a long time, and those theme parties really only have one theme...drink until you drop. What's worse is that many parents either turn a blind eye, or even endorse the imbibing of liquor by their young ones, saying it's cute.

It starts with one drink, until in a short time it's another, then another, until an alcoholic is born. Of course, no alcoholic admits that they're an alcoholic, and the parents are even more in denial. The words, 'I can stop anytime,' are famous as they are hollow. Steps are now being taken where IDs have to be shown to enter these alcohol saturated venues. But it should all start at home.

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