Unwanted men

Sunday, October 14, 2012    

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By the very truth of it,

I care not for you...

I hate you; Which I had rather

You felt, than make me boast.

— Shakespeare, Cymbeline 11, 3

Those are mighty strong words to tell someone. It's bad enough saying that you don't care for the person, but to come outright and say that you hate them is a powerful indictment. Even so, although many women may not actually hate men, there are many who don't really care for a lot of them.

This smacks of a little more than irony, for it's those same women who complain every day that men are scarce, and that there's a serious shortage of good men, and they can't find a suitable man and horse dead and cow fat.

But it's not the numerics of men and women that seem to be the problem, but rather the qualitative aspect as opposed to the quantitative. No, don't be befuddled, I haven't gone Einstein on you. Simply put, the women won't just settle for any and any man, just because the numbers are there, but instead want a man of substance.... a quality man.

Those are the men who are wanted. The others, the chaff separated from the wheat, the goats from the sheep, are the pariahs of the feminine world. They are the outcasts, they are the unwanted men. We'll see who they are right after these responses to 'Man vs woman'.

Hey Tony,

Your article has uncovered the sad truth on the war of the sexes, yet we cannot do and cannot live without each other. The truth of the matter is, as you stated, it is the stupidity and craziness that make the sexes combative, but when push comes to shove, while they may not like each other all the time, there may be an underlying love between them, and God help any outsider who tries to get between them. There is still hope.



I remember seeing the movie called The War of the Roses, and even though it was supposed to be a comedy, I was disturbed by the fact that a married couple could harbour such hate for each other. And yet, real life is far worse than that movie, as the horrible things that men do to women and vice versa could never be penned by any movie screenwriter. I don't think that any animal species has so much anger towards their opposite sex as men and women. The Black Widow spider and the female Preying Mantis do kill and eat the males after mating, but that's just nature, not hatred. Man versus woman is a war that will never end.


I happened to be in a bridal shop the other day, doing research of course, when this guy burst in with his lady in tow. He wanted to see the latest bridal catalogue, wished to know the prices of the gowns, and most of all, he was in a tearing hurry to get that dress for his woman. What was wrong with that picture, I thought, for after all, it's usually the woman who makes much fuss about the bridal gown, and all that the groom does is show up on the wedding day. But not this man, he wanted to see all that was on offer, and he wanted the best for his bride to be.

What a good man, what an absolutely fantastic catch for a woman. He's the kind of man that women dream of, he's a wanted man. But unlike those old time cowboy or current police posters of wanted men, that type of man is wanted alive, not dead. This type of man is wanted for all the right reasons, and he's poles apart from the man who's unwanted.

Oh yes, in spite of the protests and weeping and wailing by women who say that there are no available men left, there is still a group, or groups of men that are avoided like the proverbial plague. They are the unwanted men, and would not be touched by most women if they were the last men to walk the face of the earth. "Say what, me deh with him? I would dead first before I even speak to him." So say many women about those unwanted men.

But who are these unwanted men who bring down the numbers of available men in Jamaica? True, the figures do state that the ratio of men to women is about even, and not seven women to every man as was commonly thought, and sung about. But because of these unwanted men, it pushes the number of women to just about seven times that of men...available men that is. So the common perception may just be true after all.

Here's why, the women say. First of all, the gay population is increasing even as we speak. Gays are now emboldened, are coming out of the closet, jumping into their cars, driving around, forming their organisations, lobbying for their rights, and have a huge recruitment drive. The women are at wits end, and as one told me, "I never knew that there were so many gay men in Jamaica? How come they say that we are a homophobic society? They're taking over."

What's significant is that gay men do not want women and women certainly do not want gay men. As a result, women cannot find men to call their own, as gay men outnumber straight men in many circles. "After a while I just gave up looking, as every man who looked decent, educated, mannerly and ambitious turned out to be gay," this woman said.

So that's one group that's unwanted by women — the gays. Another group that's unwanted is the worthless man posse. Apparently they are a pretty large group too, which also significantly cuts into the number of men who are available to women. You see how the seven women to one man ratio is shaping up?

Now, many people actually took offence to what President Mugabe of Zimbabwe said about Jamaican men being ganja smokers, lazy and that we have more women than men in our universities. He passed his place to say that, but many women will tell you that his words had elements of truth. "It certainly does not apply to most of our men, but enough to be a worry," this lady said. "Plus, how can I seriously be with a man who is unschooled, has no ambition, loathes work, and plans to live off me?" Label that group as unwanted, and they are legion, for they are many.

Unwanted is the boy-boy. And who is the boy-boy? According to the women, the boy-boy is akin to the gigolo, but he has no style or class. He's just there for the ride, for the good times, for the short term thrill, and most of all, he's very young. "I'm not into that kinda guy who just wants to use me like an experiment and then move on. I am above that."

That type of guy is usually in his early 20s and has nothing to offer, hence the name, boy-boy, and all he wants is another notch on his belt so that he can brag to his cronies about how well he's a woman. Naturally he makes the unwanted man list, especially by the serious minded woman.

At the other end of that 10-foot pole that women wouldn't touch a man with, is the man who is too old. He is unwanted for obvious reasons. "Come now, seriously, what would I be doing with a man who is more than twice my age? I already have a father." He is so unwanted that he couldn't be unwanted anymore.

Of course, as in all exceptions, there are women who will go for the boy-boy and the grandpa, but desperation makes strange bedfellows, and they are in a distinct minority. Serious minded women don't even look in their direction.

Then there is the most unwanted man of all, the married man. Or is he? Well yes and no. some women declare that they would never be caught involved with a married man. "I have my self-respect and ambition, and a married man is a dead end street that's leading nowhere." But many women still get involved with married men, for according to them, "He must be a good man for someone to marry him."

As a result, she is willing to share that married man, for at least he's not gay, he has ambition, is not a boy-boy and is not a geriatric. "He's the perfect man for me... and his wife. At least I'll have him a few days of the week."

So, the married man is not so unwanted after all, in spite of his status. He's married yes, but still available, the MBAs as I have explored in the past. I have known married men who had mistresses, got divorced, didn't marry the mistress, but married someone brand new. Then to top it off, he still kept the original mistress on the side. Go figure.

When asked why, her reply was, "I love him, he's a good man, so what if he's married, or got married to somebody else....I want him." Some men are unwanted but still in demand by a certain type of woman.

So when you take the pool of unwanted men out of the equation, the women aren't really left with much to choose from. So I really sympathise with many when they say they can't find a man. It must be true. So despite the proverb about every hoe have him stick a bush, there may not be any stick for many women who are seeking a serious mate. Unwanted men, dead or alive, still not wanted. More time.

Footnote: I have a question for the football bosses. How come?

Barbican women's football team has won every football competition that they've entered and are on the verge of winning their sixth consecutive league title in as many years. Many seasons they go unbeaten in all competitions, truly a remarkable feat. They are coached by Charlie Edwards.

My question is, how come with all of this club's success and achievements over the years, how come the coach has never been drafted into the national programme at any level? He must be doing something right. Don't we reward success?

On another note, I went to the opera last week. Well, not the actual opera, but the opera brought live from the Metropolitan to Carib Cinema via live video streaming. What an experience, and it's a bold move by Carib to do this. Everyone should see the opera even once in their lifetime. Get some culture. Life is not just about dancehall and parties.





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