Women fantasise too
I dream'd there was an emperor Antony,
O, such another sleep,
That I might see
But such another man!
-- Shakespeare, Antony and Cleopatra V, 2
Women fantasise too
Oh yes, women do dream and fantasise too, and any man who doesn't believe that is living in a fool's paradise. Why do you think that a woman closes her eyes when she kisses a man?
Maybe it's because she's in the throes of passion, maybe it's because she just can't stand to look at his ugly mug, or perhaps she's simply fantasising about another man. Believe it or have your doubts if you wish, but it does happen, as women have their fantasies too... just like men.
Too many men fall into the trap of thinking that it's only they who fantasise about other people. "Man, I tell you, I was with her, but I was thinking about Halle Berry all the time." In fact, many men use this particular fantasy in order to heighten their sexual feelings when they're with their longtime woman.
"I have to think about somebody else, just to get aroused," men have said about their unattractive wives.
Well, hear this now, women share those same thoughts, as we'll explore right after these responses to 'Why you're still single'.
You pretty much covered all the bases on why some women are still single. Many are just too choosy and most just have bad dispositions and attitude that most men will not tolerate. These women cannot be convinced that they are the problem and therefore will never change. They do however serve a purpose, as some men gravitate towards these women for a short-term fling.
It's like you're mashing my corn, pointing fingers at me, and throwing stones in my pigpen. Yes, I will squeal out, for like it or not, I can identify with most of the reasons that you gave. I have been single forever, and whenever it seems as if a man will stay, there is some reason why it doesn't work out.
Sometimes he leaves, other times I make them leave. The common factor is, someone always leaves and I end up single again. I don't think I'm miserable, but I have to point out their flaws when I see them. Perhaps I'm just too picky.
Throughout the ages, men have always thought that women were so different that they did not harbour sexual thoughts, which included sexual fantasies. After all, men were supposed to control the market on such erotic desires. If a woman did have those thoughts and fantasies and admitted to them, she may have been committed to an institution or, in extreme cases, burned at the stake for being a witch.
She 'had to be insane' to have those fantasies. Did you know that hysterectomy, the surgical removal of a woman's womb, came from the belief that by doing so her hysteria would be cured? Hence the word, hysterectomy. Now you know how extreme science was back in the day when it came to women. So the very fact that women had fantasies, and sexual ones too, was outside the realm of man's thinking. Well, they do have them, including your woman, too.
Here is one fantasy that your woman may have... being dominated. Yes indeed, many women love to be dominated but dare not express this to their partner for fear of being rebuked. But deep down, I think that most Jamaican men have a handle on this one, and those who don't will lose their woman to those who do.
"I have to take charge of her and make her respect me or I'm not a real man," some men say. The reality is, no woman wants to call the shots all the time, especially in the bedroom. Many will fantasise and say, "I wish he would just take me, handle me, hackle hackle me and take charge.... dominate me." Hey, be like Tarzan.
But there's a twist, for there are women who also fantasise about dominating their men. They would love to lord it over their spouse, even for one night, tie him up, tickle him with feathers, pour baby oil all over him and pleasure him all night. Call her dominatrix, and there's a little bit of her in many women. It's usually a short-term fantasy though, as most women don't want to dominate their men for any lengthy period of time.
Now, most men are not going to like hearing this, but many women fantasise about being with a complete stranger. Most men are falsely secure in the belief that their women have eyes and feelings for them only, but they are so wrong.
Research has shown that many women fantasise about being with a complete stranger, even while their man is huffing and puffing away trying to please her. It may be a neighbour, a casual acquaintance, a co-worker, a movie star, or almost anybody. In some cases this fantasy may be so heightened that she may even blurt out the object of her fantasy's name at the most inopportune moment.
"So who is this damn Teerob you keep shouting out?" Don't blame the object of the fantasy, blame the fantasy. Psychologists say that it's completely harmless, unless that fantasy becomes an obsession, or a reality... then you have cause for concern.
Some women may even take this fantasy up a notch and fantasise about a threesome, either with another woman involved, or with another man in the mix. Most men who I know would have no problem with that first fantasy involving two women, but that second option they find most distasteful. Still, they'll never know, as it's usually a secret fantasy that your woman will never reveal.
I asked my wife if she ever harboured any such fantasy and she smiled and said, "Honey, you're more than man enough for me." Then she gave a sly wink. Women are smart, I tell you.
I have seen so many letters in the advice columns from women who have fantasies about taking someone else home to bed, but were afraid to tell their husbands. So they fantasise, dream, and write to the counsellors asking for advice, even as they are caught up in a phantom world of unfulfilled desires.
One area of female fantasy that shocks some men is that of voyeurism.... or in plain terms, being peeping Toms. Yes, a lot of women like to look at erotic scenes, either real, as in what peeping Toms do, peering on other people through open windows, or through the artificial world of porno movies and magazines.
I have also seen so many letters to the advice columns from distressed husbands who discovered that their wives loved to look at naked people. "I came home one night and caught my wife watching porn on the Internet, and she suddenly shut it down when she saw me," wrote this distraught husband.
Most men think that it's a poor reflection on their manhood, but the experts say that it's usually a harmless fantasy. I even have male friends of mine who tell me that when they 'accidentally' punch up the adult channel on cable, it's the wife who says, "Wait, hold on, don't change it yet...just curious that's all...."
To flip the coin, many women fantasise about being watched and being exhibitionists, showing off their naked bodies to men. That simple-looking shy girl who acts like she can't mash ants, has secret fantasies of dressing impy skimpy, or even being stark naked and posing for other men. Some even fantasise about being pole dancers. Don't let innocent looks and church-sister attitude fool you, it's a secret fantasy of many women, and those who carry it out are said to bruk out.
Last but not least, many women fantasize about being taken by force. It's a peculiar irony, but it's said that it goes back to our animal instincts where the strongest male takes the female and has his way with her. It goes back to the take charge syndrome, and it has been proven, many women fantasise about being taken and ravished by a handsome man. It's in the romance novels, it's in the movies and soap operas... it's in their fantasies.
Some women may never express these fantasies to their men, but the fact is, they do have them, and most men will never know. More time.
Footnote: I must come out in full support of sprint queen Shelly-Ann, when she says that some top Jamaicans do not support our athletes and leave them out on a limb. It hurts me when I hear some people tearing down our own athletes, or making sly, snide comments under the guise of being objective and seeking the truth. What truth?
Some just do it to boost their radio show ratings or to gain public attention. Why cast aspersions and broadbrush all of our athletes without rising to their defence? Even when faced with facts, they question those facts, often discrediting them.
The irony is, foreigners defend our own more than some Jamaicans do. "President of the IAAAF, Lamine Diack, has added his voice to what has been described as a ridiculous campaign against Jamaica...." said a recent news report. "Stop all this nonsense, everyone knows the strength of Jamaica in sprinting....they are the most tested in the world..." he continued.
Even the IAAF deputy general secretary also stated that he believes that Jamaica is being unfairly targeted. And yet our own people add fuel to the terrible flames of doubt, just to be heard on the radio and seen in the press. Shame.