Take, O, take thy lips away,
That so sweetly were forsworn..
But my kisses bring again, bring again;
Seals of love, but seal'd in vain, seal'd in vain.
- Shakespeare, Measure for Measure.

Tony Robinson

Take thy lips away, take away the temptation, take away the passion, take away the crosses. They say that the only way to overcome a temptation is to yield to it, and so many people yield too - can't say no, can't say "Take thy lips away", and end up in the arms of another.

If you follow how women speak, you would think that it's only men who cheat, who go outside, who have flings with others. That was the topic of discussion that I had a few weeks ago with a lady friend of mine, who, with a look of exasperation and bewilderment, wanted to know why men do it.

"Why do men have to go with other women, why can't they be satisfied with just one woman, why do they have to stray, why can't they control themselves, why, why, why?" she asked, as she wrung her hands in despair and looked to me, and to the heavens for an answer.

The heavens provided none, but I had my opinion on the matter. My thoughts wafted to the answer that famed explorer Sir Edmund Hillary gave when asked why he climbed Mount Everest, "Because it is there," he said. But I held my tongue.

She then went further, putting it to me on a personal level. "You are a man, involved with a woman who you care for and love, why do you feel a need to go outside and sleep with someone else?" I begged her to leave me out of it, but gave her the age-old story that has been handed down for generations, the one about the bride who asked her new husband what food he loved the most.

He told her that it was oxtail. Well, every day, every week for months on end, she served him oxtail, until naturally he got tired of it. My friend did not relish the idea of me likening women to oxtail, but I think that I got my point across, or did I?

I went even further, to say that it was not a question of love either, for if, and when a man strays, it does not diminish his love for his woman, but rather, it's just a physical release. Usually if a woman strays though, there's some sort of emotional attachment.

Mind you, not in all cases. (See 'Bad Girls' Nov 27, 2005). That's why a man can just meet a strange woman or a prostitute, do his thing and don't even look back, not even remembering her name. For a woman, though, it's "Will you call me tomorrow?" In fact, some men even think that it enhances their relationships, as this man wrote to counsellor Ivret Williams in last Saturday's Gleaner.

"Dear Counsellor: I am not really seeking advice, just to say that as a man I do not believe that it is possible for a man to be faithful to one woman. I love my wife, but whenever I have an outside relationship, I enjoy my marriage even more." People, I could not make up something like that, but there it is, from the horse's mouth, you could say.

As I tried to explain to my very concerned friend, another reason why men do it is due to the complex nature of the male physiology. A man's arousal is a very complex thing, and is entirely dependent on his desire for the woman and how his body reacts to her.

Don't care who he is, after he has been involved with a woman for 15, 20 or more years, that desire will not be the same as it was in the beginning. True, he will still love her, and perhaps love her even more, but that rock hard passion will not be there, so he will do his duty once or twice a month, depending on the circumstances.

He may even start to doubt his prowess.
Women have it a bit easier, as they can just lay back and act as if they're enjoying it. For a man, there is a physical, tangible reality of whether he will rise or fail. He then meets a young, sexy, sensual lass who has him salivating and his member rising. Enter my interpretation of the scientific term homo erectus, given to modern man, as he crawled out of the prehistoric caves.

He has no control, but he enjoys the way that his body is responding to this new, young thing. Suddenly the years roll away and he can perform two or three times in any given session, a feat that would be totally impossible with his woman of 20 years. He's a kid again, and he loves it. Very few men can resist that, so off he goes, and like I said, he does not love his wife or long-term woman any less, neither will he leave her for the young thing.

That's another piece of sage advice handed down through centuries, never marry your mistress. If more wives knew or realised this, they would not worry so much. It's very rare that a man leaves his wife for his mistress, so as a result, the mistress languishes in no man's land for many years, wishing and hoping that he'll leave his wife for her, but it rarely happens.
A wife told me that she thinks modern thoughts, and that she would never leave her husband if he cheated.

"As long as he doesn't dash it in my face and disrespect me, why should I leave, so that the other woman can now get him? No way, as long as he comes home every night that's fine. I am a realist." Now, that's modern thinking, as she continued to say that it's no point leaving a man who cheats, as, "More than likely the next man you pick up will do the same thing anyway, or even worse".

My querying friend of the why, why, why, persisted in asking me even more questions about this peculiarity of men. "But if I give him all the loving that he needs, even with variety - oxtail, curry goat, steam fish - why should he still feel the need to visit another cook, why?" I took a deep breath before I answered, and with armchair philosophy replied, "Because with men, sex is not qualitative, but quantitative". In other words, as far as men are concerned, it's all in the numbers, and every man would love to have as many women as he can, if he could get away with it.

Oh, of course men will lie through their teeth and talk about the sanctity of marriage and monogamy and all that, but give him half a chance with your daughter, your sister, your niece, or even your wife and see what happens. History is replete with such cases, as are the advice columns and divorce courts. It's just the way it is.

Now, not all men act on it, as the restraint of many is more than admirable, plus many are good because they are too cowardly to be bad. Combine that with the fear of AIDS and such, and many men stay put. Then they bleat about how noble and righteous they are.

As this research by Lauren Picker shows, "On average, men have five to 10 times the level of testosterone and three times the sexual interest that women have. Among happily married couples under age 40, about 31 per cent of women report a lack of sexual desire, while only 16 per cent of men have (or admit) that complaint. Research shows that the majority of men have one or more sexual fantasies every day, compared to only 25 per cent of women."
Perhaps that explains why so many women lose interest after years of marriage. As a lady friend who has been manless for one year now told me, "I'm celibate one year-and-a-half now and don't feel no way. Women can do without it, but men can't".

And even now I can't get over learning of my very good female friend who went an astonishing 10 years of abstinence after a break-up. This is a very sexy lady who is the life of the party, but her shop was locked. Life is so strange. No wonder they ask, why, why, why? More time.

Seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Christmas is a season that I enjoy, but at times the silliness astounds me. Can you imagine that trees are being sold for $35,000 and more and people are buying them? Yet, we bawl how nutten nah gwaan and that we're broke. Jamaicans are not easy.

Hey, there are so many UN organisations in Jamaica - UNESCO, UNDP, UNICEF, and UNFPA - all doing great work. Last week, the UNFPA (United Nations Population Fund) sponsored the Caribbean Media Awards of which Jamaica copped the majority of prizes.

One big focus of the UNFPA is to ensure that there is universal good quality education for all people and that economic opportunities are open to women and families. Too often their work goes unnoticed, but many Jamaicans benefit from these organisations.

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