The heavens forbid,
But that our loves and comforts
Should increase,
Even as our days do grow.
- Shakespeare, Othello

Tony Robinson

AND what better way to increase our loves and comforts but with the loves and comforts of many wives?

So now you're going to deem me immoral, amoral and chauvinistic. Imagine, promoting the idea of men having more than one wife, when in fact they often complain how one wife gives so much trouble. Well, happily I can say that the idea is certainly not mine, as polygamy, or the acquisition of multiple wives, is as old as time itself.

It has been practised throughout history by people of many nations and religions, large and small. It is recorded in the Bible, where many great men had countless wives at their beck and call, plus numerous mistresses to boot. The more the merrier, and if Kings David or Solomon could speak right now, they'd both say, "Hail polygamy, it's good to be the king."

In this modern day, polygamy is still practised by some, even in the great United States, as many religious groups and sects live the life they love, and love the wives they live with. Wonderful sects, wonderful sects. It is a pure and honest expression of a man's love for his wives. Meanwhile, the rest of society lives under the veil of hypocrisy, as men take vows with one wife but keep another on the side. True, she may stake no legal claim, but she is his other wife nonetheless.

There is this new series on HBO called Big Love, that explores this very same phenomenon - that of polygamy, that of a man with his three wives and how they interact and co-exist amicably and with civility. It is honest. There goes that word again, but honestly, it is almost every man's dream, to be able to have three wives out in the open, with no jealousy or problems. "Man, multiple wives is the way to go, all of the pleasure, none of the guilt, that's civilised living."

In parts of Africa men are still allowed to have many wives, as long as they can afford them. Each wife knows her place and the pecking order is maintained. In Big Love, even though it's far from the 'dark continent', the principle remains the same and the wives are as loyal and devoted to their husband as their African counterparts.

They know where he is at all times, as he is always at the first, second or third wife's house. How many wives in our neck of the woods can purport to know where their husbands are at any given time? In polygamy there is no need for dishonesty, as all the parties know what the deal is, what the arrangement is, and they know exactly what they were getting into. Again, how many so-called wives of monogamy can say that, as they go into a marital agreement but end up getting less than they bargained for?

There is no visible fine print.
The benefits of polygamy are many, with the first being sex, yes, sex - that all-important ingredient of any successful marriage. In monogamy, sex wanes, even slightly, although many lie and say that it isn't so.

But in polygamy it is heightened and here's why. Whether you like to hear it or not, people crave sexual variety, and it's not gender-related either, as women also fall into this category. Some are shackled by so-called morality, however, while others don't venture because of fear. But take those away and we would all sleep with whomever, whenever we wanted to. For this reason, people have affairs, as the need for sexual variety beckons.

With polygamy, this hunger and thirst are satisfied as the man has a choice of different wives whenever he pleases. "Let's see, Monday is for Betty, Wednesday for Barbara and Saturday for Liz." All the wives know their schedule and fit right in, or if he wants to keep it even more spontaneous and real, he has no schedule, but just pops in and spends the night with whichever wife strikes his fancy.

A life of permanent booty calls. Hail polygamy. This actually happens on the series Big Love, as many times the husband just rushes through the front door and ravishes his wife of the day right there on the living room floor. How many wives of monogamy can admit to that experience?

Because of this heightened sexuality, the marriages are kept fresh, alive, spontaneous, and honest. There's that word again, honest. With polygamy there is no need for deception, no need for lies, no need for nagging. Ah, nagging, the bane of marriages, the weapon of wives, the albatross of husbands. One would think that with three or more wives, the mathematical permutation of nagging would increase proportionally.

One wife nags tenfold, ergo four wives will nag fortyfold. But not so, and that is the beauty of polygamy, for with multiple wives, the very reason for nagging is taken away. No more is there a need to ask, "So where yu was, who yu was with, what's her name, are you sleeping with her?" That is the domain of the so-called sole wife, she who is insecure and needs to have and to hold her husband close to her bosom when she feels like it. Note, when she feels like it.

Hail polygamy, for there is no sexual blackmail that single wives are famous for. With polygamy, if, heaven forbid, one wife decides to withhold her sexual favours, all the husband has to do is visit any of the others.

This leads to a happy, contented husband who may even forgive that errant wife her misdeeds. In fact, she would think twice before trying that stunt again, as she knows that if he doesn't eat at her home he always has another pot to eat from. Just think of it, a world with no mistresses, no guile, no guilt, no lying about coming home late, no tears. The phrase, cheating husband would be stricken from our vocabulary.

But there are also negatives to polygamy, a downside, although the pros may very well outweigh the cons. First of all, it can be an expensive undertaking, as each wife and indeed each household will have to be maintained equally. You can't very well have one wife living in a decent upscale apartment, while the others exist in squalor.

Therefore each house has to be financed equally. That's three more rents or mortgages from one man, not an easy task. That's why polygamy is usually reserved for the privileged among us, the kings of old, the tribal chiefs, the affluent. But at least it will be out in the open, unlike the victims of monogamy who have to hide their financial statements as they cloister away their mistress in a hidden apartment, hoping that the wife never finds out.

Also with polygamy, the man has to be virile, as each wife is expecting her pound of, or should I say, pounding of flesh. There can be no sexual fatigue or inequality on his part, or big love will quickly turn to big crosses. Imagine one wife getting more than the others, or him not being able to perform at all? But truth be told, with the variety offered up to him, just like a boxer who gets many prize fights, he will be kept in peak condition, always sharp, at the top of his game and won't need much stimulation.

Then there will be children, for each household will have many, and he will have to be a good father to them all, helping with homework and stuff. But come to think of it, that scenario occurs in so-called monogamous society with men having separate families complete with children, albeit sequestered away in some secret suburb.

Still, I say, hail polygamy, and even though many of you ladies may be fuming as you disagree with me, almost every man I know would vote for it. Plus if you really gave it serious thought, you may even agree for the above reasons, no lying, no deception, no suspicion, and you would always know where he is. Hail polygamy, but don't you ladies even dare think about taking multiple husbands, it's just not natural. More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: I cannot help but heap praises on our Carifta swim team that was so outstanding in the recently concluded games, where we amassed a whole pile of medals.

The entire team was exceptional, but I must sing praises to Aliya Atkinson who won 11 gold medals and set four Carifta records and also to Brad Hamilton who won seven gold, one bronze and set two Carifta, one National and two Age Group records.

Truly outstanding, and they do well in school too, with Brad being a KC boy, fortis, and a brown belt in Seido karate, osu. Well-rounded teenagers carrying our flag even higher. Hey, I checked out Basil Dawkin's play, Hot Spot, and was blown away by the performance of new kid on the block Zandriann Maye. She is truly funny.

Pepper Pot

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A Lasting Sentiment