Jackson. plays FBI agent Neville Flynn in Snakes on a plane

The buzz preceding Snakes On A Plane - especially on the Internet - was practically unprecedented for a movie that is neither a sequel nor based on a well-known book or any such thing. Nor, unlike this year's version of The Omen, did it have a slick marketing gimmick (The Omen opened worldwide on the 6.6.06) except its concept.

Worry, however, set in when it was recently announced that there would be no screenings held for critics because the studio wanted the people to judge. A fine idea, but generally, the only movies not given advance screenings are those that the studio executives know are so bad that they dare not let anyone with a wide reach of readers, listeners or viewers, to see it.

Unfortunately, Snakes On A Plane is one of the above.
It is a pity really. The concept of 400 poisonous snakes let loose on a plane in mid-air and how a happy ending would be achieved consumed the minds of many, especially Internet junkies, who had all sorts of ideas. Of course, with Samuel L Jackson as the lead, what could go wrong?
So much for that idea.

Snakes starts off like Bad Boys. Sean (Nathan Phillips) has witnessed a crime lord, Eddie Kim (Byron Nelson), personally kill a prosecutor, thus becoming the object of a manhunt. Sean falls under the wing of the FBI, which promises to protect him if he testifies. However, the trial must take place in Los Angeles and he is in Hawaii, so of course a plane ride is required.
Snakes On A Plane plays like Leslie Nielsen's Airplane movies meet Poseidon meets Soul Plane as written and directed by the Wayans brothers on crack, but with the races reversing their roles. Thus you get token black guys who fit every stupid, hip-hop stereotype you can think of, and some you shouldn't.
On watching the film, one cannot help a litany of questions - how, when, why, what the hell? These never get answered.
Kim knows that Sean saw him kill the prosecutor. He acts, his henchmen fail to eliminate the witness due to the appearance of FBI agent Neville Flynn (played by Jackson).
No explanation as just to how Kim found out just who Shawn is, except for prints left on a can of Red Bull, which as far as one could tell, was never opened in the first place - and he had no criminal record, hence no fingerprints on file.

After this, the ridiculous quotient just keeps climbing. The FBI tries to fool anyone tailing them as they commandeer first class in a plane from Hawaii to Los Angeles. Of course, the feint fails and the bad guys stuff 400 supposedly poisonous snakes in the cargo hold of the plane. The fact that one of these was a gigantic boa constrictor - which is not poisonous - did not faze the film's writers, director or producers one whit. The snakes are driven crazy by pheromones ("Great, snakes on crack," Flynn says) and quicker-than-you-can-blink snakes are lunging at genitalia and various body parts with a glee that had the audience screaming in anticipation and satisfaction.

It gets sillier by the minute and even when Jackson's character seems to channel Jules from Pulp Fiction and says "I've had it with these *bleep* snakes on this *bleep* plane!" it just falls flat. For the record, there is also a Paris Hilton clone (played by Rachel Blanchard), complete with a Chihuahua. do you really need to know more?

Executive Class

Gardens with Gravel

Death to the Mullet!