O love, be moderate;
Allay thy ecstasy;
In measure rain thy joy..
Make it less,
For fear I surfeit.
- Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice

Tony Robinson

THAT call would certainly not be made by the proponents of polygamy, the way of the lover, the Jamaican man, who would rather say, "Bring it on, bring them come, the more the merrier, nuff gal inna bungle." So all that talk of moderation, allaying of ecstasy, making it less for fear I surfeit, would not be uttered. Instead it would be, "Bring dem come until a clyde".

In polygamy, the practitioner practises what he preaches, as he has multiple wives. Oh what joy, what bliss, or is it really? This has been addressed before, and even months ago I discussed the TV series Big Love, where polygamy was carried out with much delight and relish. Currently, there is a debate raging in the press, with most women being against (con), and most men being for(pro). What I didn't explore was the downside of this lifestyle. But let's delve into history, and examine polygamy, or the acquisition and the maintenance of multiple wives.

Not to be confused with bigamy (where the person marries one spouse, doesn't get divorced, then goes ahead and marries another) polygamy is the legal marriage of one person to more than one spouse. But the cynics would say, "But see my trial, one wife is so much crosses, why would I want to have more than one?" While others would add, "I am currently trying to get away from my wife, so why would I want double or triple trouble?" But the fact is, polygamy has been practised for thousands of years, perhaps from the dawn of time, and there were no ill effects. Or were they?

Perhaps polygamy is the natural order of life, but so-called modern morality and false beliefs have placed these unnatural strictures on us, telling us that we must cleave only unto one, and forsake all others. If this were true, why is it that everybody wants to sleep with everybody else? It matters not that we all don't do it, the fact is, we want to, and we would if we could and there were no consequences. "Man, I would really love to sleep with my friend's wife, but if he found out,

he would kill me." See, the thought is there, and so a man thinketh, so he doeth, so might as well doeth and be damned anyway. In for a penny, in for a pound, so what the heck. And if you check it out, many folks do sleep with their friend's spouses anyway. I am here to tell you that every man would sleep with every woman who he desires, if he could. Bring on Halle Berry, Jennifer Lopez, Beyoncé and all those other foxes of men's dreams and see what happens. The line would stretch from here to Negril.

Some so-called parsons looking down at their flocks from the pulpit would love to pluck a feather or two, and some do, as we see in the press with religious regularity. Those who are caught are cursed, admonished and vilified by the rest of society, by those who would, if they could. These men have wives at home, but the call of the wild is strong, and the prospect of the pleasures of the flesh is tempting and powerful, even though the mind appears to be weak. Who cares about the mind anyway, when it's the flesh that carries the swing?

It is my theory that we are prisoners of nature, the call of the wild, where all animals practise polygamy, and I daresay are happy doing so. My word, who is happier than a bull with his herd of heifers, or a ram with his trip of ewes. That's right folks, the collective noun for a group of goats is trip, as in a trip of goats, a gaggle of geese, a sloth of bears, a murder of crows, an exaltation of larks and so on. But I digress.

With all those collective animals though, it's polygamy that runs things, and either the male has many females, or the females are all serviced by many males. Do you know that dolphins are one of the few species apart from man, that has sex for pleasure, and with multiple partners too? And they are supposed to be super intelligent.

So my point is, this polygamic gene is implanted in all of us, from the first breath was blown into our bodies, practised by almost every other living thing, yet some order says that we are supposed to suppress it, erase thousands of years of the natural order of things, and now live in mental and sexual repression.

If this were not so, then people would not stray from their partners, or want to, neither would they get married yet have a ton-load of women on the side, or want to, or have women sleeping with so many men that they can't even remember the names of some of these men. "What did you say your name was again. and we went together for 11 months? I can't recall." Believe me, it happens.

Men and women jump from bed to bed, from house to house, car to car, hotel room to hotel room, sleeping with as many others as possible, or want to. Women leave their loving decent men at home, but run up and down with the village ram, all in the pursuit of a variety of pleasures, having their cake and eating it too. Trust me, it's practised polygamy, but just given another name.

In many African countries, and indeed some religions in the western world, polygamy is still practised. In Africa, as long as you can support your numerous wives, then more power to you. The only drawback is the multiple mothers-in-law, but if you can deal with the incessant cackling and nagging, then enjoy. Usually though, polygamy is practised by wealthy persons, or people of regal bearing, so a subtle wave of the hand, or a raised eyebrow, is enough to silence any mother-in-law. As far as I know, these people are happy, with the man having it all, selecting whatever wife they desire for any given day or night, while the wives know exactly what they're getting into. It's all above board and legal.

Tell me how different it is from the man in Jamaica who is supposed to be married to one wife, yet has to sneak around, skulk, scurry and hide like a rat, tell a whole heap of lies, just to be with a second or third 'wife'. With polygamy, he could just tell his first wife: "Listen, I'm going over to Ava's house tonight, so don't wait up for me, I'll see you tomorrow.

Make sure yu cook." See, all nice and honest with none of the attendant lying and subterfuge that men are forced to do. "Oh honey... ahem. er, I'll be out until late tonight, er... have to work late, the boss insists that I finish that report. It's a blow, but it's a job, so I have to do it." Either that or he just steps out and comes back at whatever time he feels like, usually at two or three in the morning.

As for the tales and yarns that some of these men weave, I have heard stories of men packing their bags and telling their wives that they have to be away for a week or so, but merely shack up with another woman on the North Coast.

Other men just have their mistresses out in the open for all and sundry to see. I daresay, I know quite a few mistresses of my friends, second wives if you please, but have never had the honour of meeting the legitimate wife. And don't believe that wives don't do the same too, as many a weekend retreat is but an advance by some other man, and weekend business meetings are merely excuses to meet the lover for monkey business. With polygamy, the acquisition of multiple, legal spouses, all that subterfuge would be eliminated.

I know that many are opposed to it, but if you thought long and hard about it - about how men and women lie and cheat their way into the arms of others - then you wouldn't have such a knee jerk reaction to the prospect of polygamy. So many people are living lies, so many men are frustrated, trapped in loveless marriages. Likewise are so many women, who would love to leave, but can't. If they had an alternate spouse, then they could share their lives, alleviate their problems, have a choice, spread some joy and have peace of mind.

I'm not saying that everyone should go and get multiple spouses, but that the choice should be available. If you only want one, then that's great, but if you want two or more, then go for it. After all, no one person can satisfy the needs of any one person, so Tom for the rent, Blacka for the grocery, Teerob for the sex and Bobby for the car. While for the men it would be Barbara for the sex, Sheree for the sex, Vivienne for the sex, Enid for the sex, Liz for the sex. Oh the joys of polygamy. That's the pros.

As for the cons, I can think of none, as the pros far outweigh them hands down. In spite of what the non-believers will say, polygamy is the natural order of things, if you can afford it, and have the stamina to deal with it. As for the way that things are now, this hypocrisy and suppression, that's so lame. More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Jamaica must be one of the few countries where our priorities are so misplaced, especially when dealing with children. I was talking to a 16-year-old boy recently, who had one of those fancy cell phones that can do everything except microwave food.

The cost, a hefty $30,000, bought for him by his mother. This for a child, still in school. Now when he is held up, robbed, and perhaps seriously injured or worse, it will be bawling and wailing. That fate has befallen so many of our youth, yet the practice continues. Apart from that, what message are we sending to them when those expensive phones are given? The irony is, I know so many people who are working yet cannot afford these phones. What a life!

Trousers in Denim

Cream of the 'Crop'

Cheeky's World