The heavens forbid
But that our loves and comforts
Should increase,
Even as our days do grow.
- Shakespeare, Othello 11,1

Tony Robinson

AND isn't that what most people want, that their loves and comfort do increase, with someone to share their lives with, someone to care, listen to them, rub their head and eventually grow old with them?

Let's face it, all this running up and down seeking the right partner is but a journey to what we would like our ultimate destination to be, in a good relationship with someone who genuinely cares for us. But what a rocky road it can be, as we pick, choose and refuse, often picking, choosing and refusing so much that we are often left out in the cold? As a result, many people get afraid, and so fearful of being alone that they will settle for any type of relationship, just to belong.
Well, I saw this movie recently, titled I Think I Love My Wife starring Chris Rock.

It tells the story of this guy who's married to a good wife, lives in an upper-middle-class suburbia, has two wonderful children and a great job, but has one major drawback, he's bored out of his mind with his routine marriage and sexless wife. Every time he approaches her, she has an excuse why she can't have sex with him, "the kids", "I'm too tired", "I have work tomorrow", "I broke a nail", "it's not your birthday", blah blah blah. Sounds familiar? It's almost like I wrote the script myself, as it touched on things that I've been saying for a long time.

So he floats through life, living, or should I say existing in a marriage that only looks good from the outside, but is the epitome of routine and boredom on the inside. I suggest that every married couple see that movie, and if they're honest with themselves, they'll certainly see facets of their marriage up there on the screen. You are not alone, there are other men MWS (Married Without Sex). That's one form of relationship, the sham one, where everything is done for appearances sake, but no substance lies within.

Usually that sort of relationship results in one party or the other seeking a life elsewhere, something with more excitement, and usually it's the man who succumbs to the hot young thing who comes along to seduce him. Men in these marriages are prime targets, prey, easy marks, and there are women who target them like eagles seeking prey, or vultures hovering over carrion, for after all, their existence is almost like death itself, dead men walking, but not falling down.

The poor guy will often lose in the long run, his family, his job will be affected, his money will dwindle, and eventually the girl will go too. As a line from the movie went, "Many men have lost their money chasing after women, but no man has lost women chasing after money". Classic line if you ask me, but still these relationships exist, with the man thinking that the young hot outside woman really loves and wants him, while all she's doing is looking after her own interests.

There is a breed of women who specialises in married men, as they see them as being safe partners. "He's not on the street looking anything, either he's with me, or he's with his wife, that's why I specialise in married men, there's a safety factor." Even that is a relationship too, and it's more common than you think.

Another type is the office romance, and what better relationship to have than with your co-worker? It's bound to happen, and no matter how you try to fight it, that close day-to-day proximity and sharing of a common working environment is a prime and fertile ground to sprout the seeds of a great relationship. You speak the same language, have the same interests, have lunch together at the staff canteen almost every day, go to weekend retreats together, share the same highs and lows, despair and triumphs, sorrow and happiness. You would be hard-pressed not to form a relationship with someone in your office after going through all that for a period of time. Worse if you're his secretary, or executive assistant who eventually naturally becomes his confidante! One thing will lead to another, and it's officerelationship.com all over again.

I see a new trend in relationships occurring with alarming regularity, especially in the USA, and that is one of young female teachers and their male students. Just a few weeks ago, this poor husband shot this even more unlucky 17-year-old lad because he was carrying on with the man's wife.

I say poor because the husband and the boy were both victims of the actions of the wife. The husband was a loving, devoted man who would do anything for his wife, and the lad was a young, impressionable, naïve boy - fertile ground for the wiles and ways of women like her who prey on the weak. Let's face it, which young school boy is going to say no to his pretty teacher? I know that I wouldn't in my day.

It is happening a lot in the US school system, and it's only a matter of time before it surfaces here. I say surface, because I do know of cases where it's happening, but it's just that it nuh buss yet, as the numbers are still low. But it's just another form of relationship, with people craving for something to give meaning to, and fill a void in their otherwise meaningless lives. I won't even elaborate on the older men and their young girl relationship, as that is neither news nor anything to harp about. What is a bit different though, is who is the predator and who is the prey.

Suddenly, it's the young girls who are hunting the men, and even up to last week I saw where this man was arrested but testified that it was the 14-year-old girl who locked on to him like a heat-seeking missile and threatened to cry rape if he didn't succumb to her wishes. Sure, you're going to say that he's a big man and should know better, and I agree, but if you see some of these young girls and their aggressive behaviour and how they make big men weak-kneed and stupid, you'd think again.

And as you well know, it doesn't take much to make a grown man crumble before a hot young girl, making us always say, "But what a man stupid and fool fool, making the girl turn him inna eeediat." That sort of relationship is on the increase, and while a few get caught and exposed, many are still living under the cloak of darkness, shrouded in mystery, hidden from view, skulking through the shadows. until, until.

Then you do know that there is the relationship where there is no sex involved. No no no, I'm not talking about marriage, where it's forced, imposed by the wife, but rather about people who do so by choice and mutual consent. The view is that sex often ruins relationships, so they prefer to remove it from the equation and opt to have a platonic relationship, living together, sleeping in the same bed, but not just doing anything physical.

Unlike marriage where at least one party is left feeling neglected and deprived, these people of nosexrelationship.com both enjoy a freedom of no jealousy, no lust, no expectations, no neglect, no deprivation, no hurt. Fact is indeed stranger than fiction and I do know of a few couples living like that. I am sceptical, about that sort of relationship.com, but if it works for them, then let it be. It's pretty much like an internet relationship.

A very strange relationship was the one that I saw in the papers last week where this husband here in Jamaica actually paid this younger man to have sex with his wife, because he, the husband could no longer perform. Greater love hath no man than he who would lay down his wife for another man. But it's a relationship, and if it works for them, don't knock it, for everyone's happy.

There are those who have the Svengali-type relationship where one party has a brutal hold over the other, dictating every move that the other one makes and virtually running their lives for them. Others look on in awe and berate them, but hey, if he or she is happy being ruled by a despot, then let them, they're in a relationship and they're happy, and isn't it what it's all about, that our lives and comforts should increase, even as our days do grow? More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: The martial arts is often depicted as being only rough and tumble with flying kicks and punches as shown in the movies. But true martial artists know better, as the discipline and dedication that goes into training is enormous. Recently, 14 students of Seido Karate, Kingston and Mandeville branches, were promoted to black belt after over five years of training, while four others were promoted to higher degrees or dans after even more years of training. I, myself, just spent almost a week in New York for advanced training and then promotion from fifth to sixth dan, and the experience was both humbling and rewarding.

I was put back in a white belt, blindfolded and led through the streets of New York, then tested for hours while still blindfolded. These tests continued for five days, culminating in the final overnight session that started from 3:00 pm Saturday evening and ending at 6:00 am the following morning. All this, plus having to write a 3,000-word essay. It was an exercise in perseverance and humility, and that is what the true martial arts is all about - forever having a beginner's mind. So don't watch the hype, it's all about discipline.

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